


purple bluish scars

by nominluvbug



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Past Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 90
Words: 61,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25913092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nominluvbug/pseuds/nominluvbug
Summary: Where jaemin was suspicious of jeno (his bf) and his bestfriend but he thinks he’s just overthinking it because his bestie has a bf too but all came rumbling when jaem caught both of them kissing in their college dorm. A year passed...Jeno still wants him back.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 37
Kudos: 222





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

_ Jaemin covers his mouth as he tries to peek at the view of his boyfriend and bestfriend. He sees them walking together. Nothing suspicious. He tries to peek one last time and convinces himself. _

_ Nothing suspicious _

_ Nothing suspicious _

_ “Nothing suspicious” he says under his breath and finally leaves. _

_ “I was overthinking it. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe he has a surprise for me?” Jaemin talks to himself as he walks to his part time job as a tutor for accounting.  _

_ For the past month, he would feel something weird between Jeno and Haechan but when he tries to look at them. He sees nothing. Jaemin feels like he’s going nuts as he tries to convince himself that it is nothing.  _

_ “Haechan is my best friend, nothing like that will happen. Besides he has a boyfriend. I’m overthinking it.” Jaemin says as he chuckles and makes his way to the cafe and finds his tutee. _

_ *ding!* _

_ Jenobabe: _

_ Babe, goodluck on your tutoring! I’ll cook your  _

_ favourite for you so you won’t be tired from cooking _

_ And you can go straight to sleep later.  _

_ Love you so much, my nana. _

_ Jaemin: _

_ Thanks baby. Love you so so much. _

_ Jaemin locks his phone with guilt. He really should trust his boyfriend. Jeno loves him so much and so does Jaemin. He loves him too… so much.  _

_ Jaemin sees his tutee but he seems to be in a rush. _

_ “Mark!”  _

_ “Jaemin, I’m sorry I have an emergency. I really need to leave.” Mark says as he shoots an apologetic look at Jaemin.  _

_ Jaemin was about to say something but Mark was already out the door. Jaemin sighs as he makes his way to the counter and orders something for him and Jeno. _

_ Yay! more time for me and Jeno! _

_ As he received his order he smiled looking at the cute cakes that he bought. He walks going back to his dorm with a dumb smile on his face.  _

_ Jeno will surely love these!  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

_ “Babe, I’m home!” Jaemin says in a singsong voice. He enters his and Jeno’s shared place. He sees shoes on the mat.  _

_ Haechan’s shoes? He thinks to himself. _

_ He walks to their kitchen and sees both boys. Faces moving closer. Jaemin’s breath started to hitch as he saw the gap getting smaller. _

_ “Does it still hurt?” Jeno blows on Haechan’s eyes.  _

_ “Huh? Uh yeah. You’re here! We cooked for you.” Haechan looks at Jaemin. _

_ The tension in Jaemin’s chest was gone in an instant and guilt gushed over his system. _

_ “Fuck. I’m going crazy.” He says in his mind. Thoughts on how Haechan and Jeno loves him goes over his mind.  _

_ “Yea. My tutee had an emergency.” Jaemin says as he goes to Jeno and kisses his cheek. He buries his face on Jeno’s neck as he feels that he’s about to cry any minute. _

_ “Ew. You guys be gross somewhere.” Haechan says and acts like he is puking.  _

_ “What’s wrong baby?” Jeno says as he hugs the boy tighter. _

_ “Jen, I love you so much. So very much.” he whispers as he tightens his hug to Jeno. _

_ “Did you have a rough day?” Jaemin shakes his head still not removing his hands from Jeno. _

_ “Oh Nana. Let’s have movie night? It’s been so long.” Haechan hugs Jaemin from behind and they stayed like that for a long time. _

_ My love. My best friend. My home.  _

_ Jaemin just wants to stay like this forever. In the arms of his loved ones… but why does it still feels like something is wrong? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

_ They played their go-to movie and sat on the couch. Jaemin in the middle and cuddled up on Jeno. As the movie starts playing he looks at Jeno and Haechan instead. Jeno, his childhood sweetheart, best friend, and his boyfriend. Haechan, his childhood best friend and partner in crime. There was never a time that he’d remember that he is without Jeno and Haechan. They were all together ever since they were kids. They were there when Jaemin was still learning to walk (while they were still learning too). They were there when he got his first bike. They were there when he came out to his parents. They were there when he graduated as second honor. They were always there as each other's support guide.  _

_ The thought of them doing things behind his back made his heart burn. Jaemin thinks he is an asshole for thinking such things. He tries to forget about it and leaves the thought buried in the deepest part of his mind. _

_ Please be nothing.  _

_ Jaemin thinks as he closes his eyes.  _

  
  


_ \---- _

_ The sound of the tv woke Jaemin up.  _

_ (BANG! BANG! BANG!) _

_ “Geez. They played an action movie in full volume at….” Jaemin squints on the clock near the TV. _

_ “3 am? The hell! We still have class tomorrow!” He looks at his sides to find both boys gone.  _

_ “ I should really nag at them!” He mutters under his breath and makes his way to his and Jeno’s room. _

_ He sees that the room was empty. He checks the bathroom. None. Where could they be? _

_ Jaemin makes his way to the kitchen. He sees both boys looking at each other intensely. _

_ “You’re going to kiss me while Jaemin is here? Thrill!” Haechan says as he snakes his arms around Jeno’s neck. _

_ “You don’t want it?” Jeno says while he places his face on Haechan’s neck and leave kisses there. _

_ “Hngg Jen. Jaemin will hear.”  _

_ “Be quiet. We’ve done this a couple times already, Hyuck.”  _

_ Jaemin couldn’t believe what he’s seeing. He covers his mouth as he starts to cry. He feels like he’s suffocating. He feels like he’s dying. Why? Why why? _

__

_ “J-jen-n-no” He finally says and the two breaks off immediately. Wide-eyed. _

_ “It’s not what it looks like!” Jeno says like it’s an auto response. _

_ Jaemin chuckles bitterly. Fuck. This was it. This was it. And Jeno has the guts to deny it even if he was caught red-handed.  _

_ “It’s not what it looks like? Fucking hell, Jeno! Fuck you both. Here I am thinking how good you guys were to me. Here I am getting guilty thinking that you guys would never do this to me. Here I am thinking that I was nuts because I thought it was all in my head AND FUCKING HERE YOU ARE.”  _

_ Jaemin was shaking. He felt betrayed. Hurt. Mad. He was overflowing with emotions. They’ve done it for a couple of times… His knees go weak.  _

_ His boyfriend. His best friend. _

_ He wants to shout at them but he feels like all his energy is gone. He suddenly feels numb _

_ “Hyuck...why? Why would you hurt me like this?” Jaemin was sitting down on the floor and crying. His voice cracking saying these words to Haechan.  _

_ He hears no answer. All he hears are the loud sobs and the eerie silence.  _

_ “Jeno… am I not enough?” He tries to say but it came like it was a whisper.  _

_ He saw Jeno moving closer to him but Jaemin gathers all his strength to stand up. _

_ “I’ve seen and heard enough. Let’s break up.” And without a glance Jaemin hurries to their room and packs all his things. _

_ “J-jaemin… j-jaemin p-please” He hears Jeno sobbing and running after him. _

_ Jeno holds Jaemin’s arm but it feels like Jaemin has sort of strength right now. He whisks Jeno’s hands and continues packing. Jeno was crying hysterically right now. _

_ “J-jaemin please I made a mistake please forgive me please don’t break up with me” Jeno was now hugging Jaemin’s legs.  _

_ Jaemin feels his heart crumbling. He continues to pack making sure to not leave any trace of him. _

_ “J-jaemin please please don’t leave me. Please I can’t live without you. I’d die without you. I love you Jaemin. Please.”  _

_ Jaemin paused and wiped his tears. He smiles bitterly. _

_ “You didn’t seem to think of that as you were pressing your lips on Haechan.” _

  
  


_ and with that he closes his bag and hurries outside leaving Jeno begging and crying for a chance Jaemin will never give. _

_ That was it. That was fucking it. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

**_A year later…_ **

“Nana! Hurry up we’re going to be late. We’re seniors now! We can’t be late. It’s the first day of senior year! Nana!!! ” Renjun shouts at Jaemin. 

Jaemin grunts and hugs his pillow.

“You’re right we’re seniors we have the privilege to be late.” Jaemin says in a sleepy voice. He hugs his pillow tighter.

“Hurry up Na Jaemin or I’m going to whip your ass!” Jaemin stirs awake from Renjun’s threat. Renjun was tiny but he’s surely terrible. He’ll whip your ass like he’s 6’9. 

“I’m up! I’m up!!!” Jaemin’s hands were in the air. Renjun just looked at him in disbelief. He pushes him to the bathroom.

“Take a bath! I chose your clothes already. Just hurry. Please Na Jaemin don’t make me wait or I’ll freaking k word you.” 

His life flashes before him. Jaemin hurries to take a bath and brush his teeth. Dang. Renjun’s so scary.

\---------------------

“What’s your class?” Renjun asks Jaemin as they walk 

“Taxation” Jaemin says frowning at Renjun

“Yikes! This early morning? Did you get an extra class? I mean it’s our last year now, Nana. Make the best of it.” Renjun reminds him.

“Hmm I’m too lazy.” Jaemin says smiling at Renjun.

“Please Nana? Pretty pretty please? You can join me in my extra class later. I know the student handler. I can sneak you in but once you are in you can’t back out” Renjun tries to convince Jaemin using his cute acts and Jaemin just smiles at him.

“What extra class?” He asks

“Hmm friendship class! Woops! It’s not nonsense, Jaem. My older brother met his boyfriend there! And heard that the student handlers there throw great parties. It’s a win-win situation!” Renjun’s eyes were shining as he said these words.

“First of all, I do not need a boyfriend. I’m happy with what I have now. Endless parties, drunken nights, and not worrying someone will cheat on me. Second, you got me at parties. So it’s a go for me.” 

Renjun looks at Jaemin with a sad smile. 

“Jaem… I know you’re over it but you didn’t deserve them. You deserve better.” He hugs Jaemin so tight that Jaemin starts to cough.

“So sappy, Injun! My baby baby Injun!” He starts tickling Renjun.

_\----------_

Jaemin went to his favorite coffee shop as soon as his classes ended. He had only two classes for the day while Renjun had three. He texts Renjun his location so that he’ll know where they can meet for Renjun’s friendship class.

**Jaemin:**

**Junnie~ I’ll be here at X Coffee shop. Just have**

**Lunch here then we’ll go to your friendship class.**

**Do you still want the usual?**

**From: Injun my cutiepie**

**Please get me some ice cream too, Jaem. I’m on**

**my way. My freaking professor just grouped**

**us for our activities this term and left**

**and GUESS WHAT**

**Jaemin:**

**What**

**From: Injun my cutiepie**

**He grouped me with some dweebs! I’m stressed**

**already. Don’t forget my ice cream!**

Jaemin just laughs as he heads to the counter and orders their food. He sits down in their favorite spot and he starts to think of how he met Renjun. 

  
  


_After what happened a year ago. Jaemin was devastated. All his years his only friends were Jeno and Haechan. He left his stuff with Mark that day. He was so embarrassed that Mark had to see him in that condition but he had no choice. He immediately left so that he could find a new place to stay in but was not lucky. It was hard for him to find one near campus since it was already the middle of the semester. The next places were either too far, too dangerous, or too expensive for Jaemin._

_Money was another issue._

_Jaemin can never tell his parents that he moved out from his and Jeno’s place. It will cause drama between his parents, Jeno’s parents, and Haechan’s parents which were really good friends. It was a good thing that he still has some savings that he can use for now because he had a part time job._

_Night passed and Jaemin still had no luck finding a place. He hurries back to Mark’s place to pick up his stuff. Jaemin notices Mark had this tiring face and asks. Mark said he was undergoing a break-up._

_Him too..._

_Jaemin shots an apologetic smile at Mark and the latter just smiles sadly._

_Mark insists that he should stay but Jaemin doesn't want to be a bother so he gets everything and sleeps in a motel since it’s what his money can afford._

_“The universe hates me” Jaemin mutters under his breath as he smiles bitterly._

_He’s in a cheap room in a motel after he caught his boyfriend cheating with his best friend and to add he did not have anyone to talk to._

_Jaemin bites his lips to prevent himself from crying but fails as he sobs hysterically. He reaches out his phone to see a lot of texts and missed calls from both Jeno and Haechan. Without any hesitation, he deletes them without reading and blocks their number._

_That night, Jaemin cried himself to sleep._

\-------

_A week passed but Jaemin was still sleeping at the motel. At this rate, his savings will be all gone. He never went back to school these days because he was busy finding a place to live and also doing part time jobs. He had to earn more since he’s going to pay rent now. He hears his phone ding as he was reloading stocks in his part time job. He sees the notification “Mark sent you a message.” and opens it._

  
  
  


**_From: Mark_ **

**_Jaemin, are you still looking for a place?_ **

**_Jaemin:_ **

**_Yes. Why?_ **

**_From: Mark_ **

**_My friend, a chinese exchange student, is_ **

**_looking for a roommate. But the problem is_ **

**_He’s a little pissy. BUT he’s nice if you get_ **

**_To know him! Plus the place is good, it’s on_ **

**_campus and the rent is affordable._ **

_Jaemin was in no place to be choosy despite Mark’s warning. He accepted it. Then it happened. He became roommates with Renjun._

_The first week of being roommates with Renjun really shows that Mark’s warnings were true. He was indeed pissy._

_“Jaemin! For the love of God, PLEASE don’t use my moomin mugs!!” Renjun shouts at Jaemin._

_Jaemin just nods. He does not have any energy to deal with anything right now. He was tired emotionally and physically. He was working three part time jobs now while balancing class. Saying that he was tired was an understatement he was DRAINED._

_Jaemin covers his mouth as he feels something coming up his throat. He immediately runs to the bathroom._

_“ Are you okay?!” Renjun asks Jaemin and pats his back. Jaemin just nods. When he felt like he was done he immediately gargled some mouthwash._

_“Shit” he says as he watches his watch. He hurries out the door and carries his backpack._

_“Where are you going? You’re clearly sick.” Renjun asks him. Jaemin was busy putting on his shoes ignoring the way his head aches._

_“I have a quiz. Bye Renjun!” Jaemin runs out of the room to his class. It was a good thing that his new place is inside the campus._

  
  


_\-------_

_After Jaemin’s class he started walking back to his new place. He looked around his surroundings. How pretty the trees were in their campus. How the sun shines beautifully. But why does Jaemin still feel ridiculous?_

_He continues walking and he sees Jeno. Jaemin immediately swerved his way out of there but Jeno was fast._

_“Nana please talk to me.” Jeno holds Jaemin’s arm_

_Jaemin looks at Jeno and he sees Jeno talking._

_He looks at his face._ **_Beautiful._ **

_He looks at his eyes._ **_Pretty._ **

_Jeno was still talking but Jaemin was busy looking at his face. He missed him… so much._

_He looks at his lips. And the scene plays again. Of how he and Haechan tried to play him behind his back. How Jeno lied to him. How Haechan betrayed him._

**_LIES._ **

_Jaemin gets Jeno’s grip off his arm._

_“Jaemin… please one last chance. Give me a chance. Give us a chance. I love you so much please”_

_Jaemin feels like he was about to vomit. No matter how hard he tries to believe the words Jeno says and no matter how hard he convinces himself to give him a chance but all he gets is nothing. All Jaemin feels is distrust. He feels like he is fainting._

_“Jaemin please.” Jeno tries to hold Jaemin’s hand again. This time he was too weak to shove it._

_“Jeno… please let me go.” Jaemin tried to say it with force but all that came out was a soft whisper._

_“Let him go.” A voice stopped Jeno from trying to hold Jaemin._

_“Renjun?” Jaemin sees his roommate trying to eye Jeno._

_“Who are you? I’m trying to talk to him about personal matters. Please back off.” Jeno pushes Renjun off but despite Renjun’s small size he wouldn’t budge._

_“You get off from Jaemin or I’ll kill you.” Renjun holds Jaemin’s arm. He pats Jaemin’s back and checks if he’s okay._

_“YOU get off him! I don’t know you and I’ve known Jaemin all my life!” Jeno glares at Renjun._

_He looks at Renjun’s hands on Jaemin’s body, how soft his expressions were towards Jaemin, how Jaemin looks at the guy, and his mind goes crazy._

_“Do you know him? Who is he Jaemin? Did you cheat on me with him?!”_

_A loud slap was all that can be heard._

_“How dare you? YOU were the one who cheated on me WITH MY BEST FRIEND. The fuck you think you’re so mighty for? Renjun please let’s go.” Jaemin says and Renjun helped him get away from Jeno._

_Jaemin turned his back again to face Jeno who was still stunned from Jaemin’s slap._

_“ Remember this, Jeno. I will never come back to you._

_I will never love you again_ _. I hate you, Jeno. No._

 _I LOATHE YOU_ _. I never want to see you and Haechan again.”_

_With that Jaemin leaves with Renjun._

_The walk to their place was quiet. Jaemin sees Renjun trying to muster his courage to talk to Jaemin but he always ends up not doing anything._

_“Sorry you saw that.”_

_“I’m sorry if I was being pissy.”_

_They both said together. They looked at each other and laughed._

_“Jaemin, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had it so hard. I should have been nice to you since you came in.”_

_“It’s okay.” Jaemin assures Renjun. Jaemin looks at Renjun as he gets dragged to a restaurant._

_“Renjun… I do not have money. I’ll eat at home.” Jaemin says while avoiding Renjun’s eyes._

_“It’s on me. Don’t worry. This is because I was an asshole roommate.”_

_“You don’t have to, Renjun. It was not your problem anyway.” Jaemin assures him again and pats his back._

_“Still. I insist. Besides, I feel like the reason that you are sick is because you do not eat. You are getting thinner, Jaemin. You need to eat so you can work and study well.”_

_Jaemin sighs. It’s true that he hasn’t been eating well. All he does is work or study. When he gets home he forgets to eat because he gets so tired. He sleeps immediately._

_They get a table and Renjun orders a lot. Jaemin feels like he is on a feast._

  
  


_That was the start of Renjun and Jaemin’s bonding moment. Jaemin told Renjun what happened and Renjun was there listening. He gets all pissy again as Jaemin retells how he caught Jeno and Haechan._

_On that day, Jaemin finally had someone who would listen to him. He finally found his new best friend._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

“Jaemin!” He snaps back to see his little best friend coming near him and he has this frown already. 

“I can’t believe my professor! Is he serious?!” Renjun rants as he sits down. Jaemin just laughs at him. 

“Here, Junnieee~ Eat some ice cream my smol bunbun.” Jaemin takes a scoop from Renjun’s ice cream ang places it in his mouth. He earns a glare from Renjun but Jaemin just smiles teasingly.

“Hate you but thank you for this.” Renjun says as he presents the ice cream that Jaemin bought for him. 

“Nana, I already signed you up for the class. No take backs the prof their gives a failing mark.” Renjun says while eating his ice cream

“A failing mark for friendship class?” He scoffs.

“And yea, I already told you I’m in. You got me at parties, Injun.” He says while wiggling his eyebrows. Renjun just looks at him with a look. And Jaemin knows what this look is all about.

_Ever since the cheating incident Jaemin’s way of coping was through partying. When he finally told his parents that he was moving out of his and Jeno’s place by lying that he feels cramped up and wants to meet new friends because he’s almost graduating. His parents just agreed and paid for his rent. His rent problems were gone and he didn’t have to work three part time jobs now._

_Renjun was an occasional party goer. He was living his best life when he had time. After a week they bonded, Jaemin sees Renjun preparing to go out._

_“Where are you going?” He asks Renjun as he sees him choosing an outfit._

_“Partying. You wanna come, Jaem?” Renjun takes his eyes off the clothes he’s choosing and smiles at Jaemin._

_“It will be fun, Jaem! You should come. I’ll choose an outfit for you.” He sees Renjun clapping like a seal and rummaging through his clothes._

_And there he was._

_Partying._

_Dancing with strangers._

_Getting hammered._

_He was so drunk but he was having so much fun. He forgets all his problems as he raises his hand while jamming to loud music with a red cup on his hand. He feels someone’s hand snakes on his waist and sees a handsome man. The man moves closer to his face and Jaemin just closes his eyes. He feels their lips touching and moving._

_...Jeno_

_….Jeno_

_…...so this is how it feels to kiss someone who’s not you._

_From that day on, all Jaemin did was party. He partied most of his time. He’d even go to a party without Renjun. Renjun would just sometimes get a call to get the badly hammered Jaemin. Getting shitfaced drunk anywhere. Renjun tries to stop Jaemin but he can’t because Jaemin knows he needs this… Jaemin knows he needed this escape._

\--------

“Let’s go, Nana! We shouldn’t be late.” Renjun drags Jaemin to the classroom.

“Junnie~ slow down you just ate.” Jaemin tries to slow Renjun down but he’s stronger. It was always a magic to Jaemin on how Renjun was really strong despite his cute size. 

They entered the room and sat in the middle. They chatted about How I met your mother, their favourite show, which they binge watch every friday together. 

“Ted and Robin!”

“No! Barney and Robin!” they started to bicker. The classroom was almost full as students entered the class. Jaemin and Renjun were still bickering minding their own business.

“Is this seat taken?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

“Donghyuck!” Renjun says beaming at the person behind Jaemin. Jaemin freezes. It can’t be. It can’t be him right?

“Nana! He’s the student handler that I told you about. I told him about you and he snucked you in this class. You’re the only one he snuck in! He never sneaks other students and others would have to wait another semester because this class is popular. It’s where the good stuff is.” Renjun says getting giggly. 

“Donghyuck is my classmate in calculus. He helped me adjust before. I owe him a lot, Jaem!” 

Jaemin turns his back slowly. Still hoping that it’s not who he thinks it is. 

Such a small world. 

Jaemin cusses the universe in his mind. “You really hate me huh?” he says to the universe in his mind.

He can still see Renjun talking about Donghyuck but Jaemin doesn’t hear a thing. His hands get clammy. His heartbeat raises.

Ofcourse, Renjun wouldn’t know Haechan is Donghyuck. He always referred to him as Haechan in his stories which only Haechan’s family, Jeno, and him calls him. 

They looked at each other. He looks different. His features were more apparent now and he got taller. He dyed his hair. 

“Do you know each other?” Renjun asks as he notices both of them are staring at each other intensely.

“Ye--”

“No.”Jaemin cuts him off immediately. 

“I think Donghyuck knows you, Jaem. You’re so popular.” Renjun nudges his elbow to Jaemin and he earns an awkward smile from Jaemin.

“How do you know him?” Renjun faces Donghyuck with a teasing smile.

“He’s--” 

“Oh. It must have been in the party on NeoClub last week. Sorry I was so drunk I couldn’t remember.” Jaemin fakes a smile at Donghyuck.

“Oh that party! You were so drunk, Nana! You called me saying your phone got lost but you were using it to call me. You even danced in the middle of--” Now it was Renjun’s turn to be cut off. Jaemin covers Renjun’s mouth and glares at him. Renjun licks his hand and Jaemin gets his hand off Renjun.

“Ew! You’re so childish!” Jaemin says as he swipes his hand on Renjun’s shirt.

“Says you Mr. Stuff toy!” 

“Whatever, Moomin mug boy.” Jaemin rolls his eyes.

They start to bicker. Forgetting about the boy standing next to Jaemin.

Donghyuck watches the scene. A fond smile forms in his lips. Jaemin was still the same. He’d never back down in an argument. He remembers how he and Jaemin would argue on which ice cream flavor is the best. Who was best for Robin if it was Ted or Barney. Whether dogs were better than cats. What’s the best pizza flavor. Endless arguments that Donghyuck misses.  _ He misses Jaemin. _

“You should take a seat. “ Renjun says as he sees Donghyuck staring at them.

“Injun~ You should sit here instead.” Jaemin says

“Huh? Why?” Renjun looks at Jaemin with a confused expression.

“Because…” Jaemin tries to think of an excuse to not sit beside Donghyuck. 

“... I can see there better.” Jaemin spouts anything that he can try to think.

“Fine.” Renjun still looks confused but still proceeds to switch with Jaemin. Jaemin immediately stands up, he does not spare a glance at Donghyuck, as he quickly takes Renjun’s seat. 

Jaemin can feel his heart beating faster. It was the first time he saw Donghyuck after the incident. Jaemin, with all his will power, tried his best to never cross paths with both boys but the universe hates him so much that’s why he’s sitting a seat apart from Donghyuck. 

Jaemin sees Renjun talking to Haechan. They were talking about calculus. His eyes meet Donghyuck’s and the latter shoots him a friendly smile. Jaemin snaps his head forward. And tried to look at anything in front of him. 

His blood boils. How dare he act friendly after what he has done?

The scene plays again. Haechan and Jeno kissing. Jaemin feels his head ache. 

_ I’m over it. I don’t care. _

_ I’m over it. I don’t care. _

_ I’m over it. I don’t care. _

He repeats in his head like it’s a mantra. Jaemin’s train of thoughts were cut short when Renjun places his hand on top of his and squeezes it.

“Nana, you seem out today. Are you okay?” He looks at Jaemin with a concerned look.

“Huh? Yeah.”

“You don’t seem okay. Do you want to cut and watch some movies instead?” Concern still apparent on Renjun’s face.

“Yes, Jun. Don’t worry. I’m okay. AND you? Going to cut class when you were about to disown me because you didn’t want us to be late?” He smiles at Renjun and tries to tease him but Renjun’s face still hasn’t changed. Not even a bit.

“Nana, I’d cut all my classes just to make you feel okay. Just tell me. Now, are you okay? Because I won’t hesitate to cut this class and drag you out of here to watch a movie and cuddle with you.” 

Jaemin’s heart softens. He looks at Renjun and squeezes his hand.

“Renjun. Thank you. You are the best. You’re the best best friend ever.” He draws hearts on Renjun’s hand.

“I’m okay babybun. Don’t worry” he pats Renjun’s hand, convincing the boy. He sees Renjun nod and he lets go of Renjun’s hand as he focuses on the professor coming in.

The professor discusses their planned activities for this semester.

Renjun is so focused on what the professor was saying. Jaemin on the other hand, still can’t focus. He knows that one day that he will cross paths with any of the two, since despite their campus being big, they were still in the same school after all but he didn’t expect it to be this soon. Well it’s been a year but Jaemin feels that the wounds are still fresh. Like it had happened yesterday. Like it was a dream. 

Jaemin spaced out all throughout the class. He didn’t notice that class ended already not until Renjun pats his back.

“We should grab coffee together.” He hears Donghyuck say to Renjun.

“Uhhhhm.” Renjun looks at Jaemin.

“You should bring Jaemin too.” Donghyuck says. Hope in his eyes.

“Can’t. Have a party.” Jaemin doesn’t bother to look at Donghyuck and faces Renjun.

“I need to leave, Jun. I’ll message you okay?” He doesn’t even wait for Renjun to respond as he quickly leaves. He wanted to be away as soon as possible.

“He’s a party animal hehe Sorry.” Was the last thing he heard from Renjun as he continued to brisk walk himself out of the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin can feel his surroundings spin but he was laughing. He was shitfaced drunk again. He tries to walk but ends up falling on the ground. He closes his eyes as he can’t handle the spinning anymore.

“Jaemin?” Jaemin opens one of his eyes and giggles. He sees someone but everything’s a blur for Jaemin.

“You’re drunk again.” The man says as he lifts Jaemin up from the floor. Jaemin just laughs.

“I want to drink more! Let’s drink~” Jaemin tries to walk but he stumbles.

“No you’ve had enough, Jaemin. You need to go home. I’ll call Renjun” The man says. 

Why does he look familiar? Why does he sound familiar?

“Hmm. No. I w-want to.” Jaemin tries to free himself from the man but ends up stumbling again. This time the guy holds Jaemin, keeping him safe in his arms.

“I have to s-so I can f-forget” Jaemin breaks down in the arms of the man.

“Jaemin…” He can feel the arms around him tighten.

“P-please help me forget.” with that everything turns black for Jaemin.

The man wipes the tears from Jaemin’s eyes as he feels his chest tighten. 

_ Jaemin, I’m sorry.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who the mystery man is :)
> 
> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin wakes up with a familiar ache in his head. He checks the time and sees it’s 10:00 am. Good thing his first class is 1:00 pm. He looks at his bedside table and sees a note from Renjun.

_ Na Jaemin, _

_ You dumb bitch. You were blackout drunk last night and I had to pick you up and carry you back. You almost puked on me! I’m going to nag at you tomorrow when I get back since I know you’ll have a bad headache because I’m evil and I WANT TO GET BACK AT YOU! _

_ P.S There are meds on your table don’t forget to take it. _

_ Love, Renjun. _

Jaemin smiles and checks the table for some medicine. His head was killing him. He tries to rethink the events that had happened last night. He remembers drinking and drinking and drinking. That was it. He tries to recollect other memories but still nothing. He just shrugs it off as he sees soup and some bread that Renjun left for him. 

He sits as he starts eating as his mind flies.

_ Renjun seems pretty close with Haechan. Should I tell him? _

_ How should I act? _

_ Should I act unaffected and don’t mind him. Never talk to him unless needed _

_ Or _

_ Should he act like a jerk towards Haechan? _

Jaemin shrugs the last idea. He’s not like that. Even if he was hurt he will never inflict pain on others. Which is why Jaemin chooses to act unaffected and NEVER talk to him. That was it. That was the plan.

It’s only one semester. After that, Jaemin graduates already. They’ll go their separate ways. Jaemin thinks he can handle that.

Jaemin opens his bag to get some notes for his class later and sees a lavender envelope.He doesn’t recall why he has it so he examines the envelope. He searched for names but there were none. So he opens the envelope.

**To Jaemin,**

**Hi Nana. It’s me Haech--**

Jaemin stopped as he read the name. He immediately crumples the paper and throws it in the bin. 

_ That’s where trash belongs.  _

Jaemin runs his hands through his hair. Getting frustrated. What the hell does Haechan need from him? How can he act so friendly around him?

“He has no shame.” Jaemin gets his towel as he feels like he needs a cold shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

He heads down to the usual coffee shop and orders coffee. As he sits he hears his phone ding.

**From Injun my cutiepie**

**Jaem, we have friendship class today at 3pm.**

**Don’t forget.**

**Jaemin:**

**What? Again?**

**From Injun my cutiepie**

**Yup. It’s a Monday, Tuesday, Friday sched.**

Jaemin sighs. He’s going to see Haechan again. He mentally prepares himself. Just ignore and mind your own business, Jaemin. That’s the plan.

He sips his cup of coffee as he mentally prepares himself. He suddenly sees a cute piece of cake in front of him. He looks at the waiter confused.

“I did not order these.” He points at the cute cakes. The cakes were shaped to be a cute bunny. It was so cute that Jaemin wanted it. Too bad it was not his.

“Oh, a man ordered this for you. He told me to just give it to you.” The waiter casually mentions.

“Uhhh who?” The waiter looks around his surroundings.

“Someone who was wearing a black hoodie. I can’t find him anymore but he looks really good. You’re so lucky.” The waiter says with a teasing smile.

Jaemin just shrugs and eats some of the cake full heartedly. He was not fazed by this. It’s been around 4 months that he has been receiving random stuff from an unknown man. At first, it was overwhelming. He got shy and didn’t want to accept it but the waiters would always say “The man told us to throw it away if you won’t take it.” and Jaemin didn’t want that. So he takes the cute cakes, coffee, donuts, or whatever is being given to him.

Someday he’ll know who anyway.

\-----------

Jaemin walks to his and Renjun’s friendship class with a cup of coffee in hand. It’s his third already and it’s only 2:50 pm. His headache was gone now and his heart was beating fast.  _ Just ignore Jaemin. Ignore.  _ He repeats his plan.

He smiles when he sees Renjun but it turns into a frown when he sees Haechan sitting beside him. Haechan on the other hand smiled at Jaemin. He walks going to them and sits beside Renjun.

Renjun starts to nag at him regarding him being drunk yesterday. Jaemin’s frown gets bigger.

“Injun~ here have some cakes.” Jaemin offers some of the cakes that were given to him at the cafe.

“CUTE!!! Jaemin, okay you’re forgiven.” Renjun says happily munching the cakes. Haechan looks at the cakes and looks at Jaemin. He smiles.

“You want some?” Renjun asks Haechan. His eyes were still focused at Jaemin who was now scrolling on his phone.

“It’s okay.” Haechan smiles at Renjun as he sees the guy munching cutely.

The professor arrives with a smile.

“Good day, class. I’ll be discussing our activity for two months. As we all know this is a friendship class. And we’re here to create more friends. In this activity you will be paired with someone and you need to do activities together. I’ve already made the pairing.”

“Huang and Lee.” the professor says

“Which Lee sir?” The guy in front of him asked. Taeyong. Jaemin recalls.

“Lee, Donghyuck.” The professor clarifies.

“We’re partners Hyuck! Just like old times?” Renjun said enthusiastically.

“Just like old times” Donghyuck says with a smile.

The professor called other names and Jaemin was getting bored waiting for his. So he scrolled on his phone not minding the other names being called.

“Na and the last Lee. and that’s it. You have a week to get to know your partners before the activities begin. Have a good day class.” The professor exits after he says hs last words.

“Who’s your partner?” Renjun asks Jaemin

“Lee, Taeyong. Since you have the other Lee, that means Taeyong’s mine” Jaemin says.

“What?! I envy you. He’s a great dancer and he’s pretty famous!” Renjun says. Jaemin just smiles.

“Well...do you have any plans?” Jaemin asks Renjun.

“Not as I remem--” Renjun was cut off by Donghyuck.

“There’s this hotpot place that’s hot around town right now. Wanna try?” He asks both boys.

“I wanted to try that too!” Renjun says. 

Both boys look at Jaemin.

“Pass. I have a quiz tomorrow.” He says casually.

“What? Classes just started. Professors are still discussing their syllabus.” Renjun says.

“Really can’t. I have one sorry.” Jaemin says apologetically. Honestly he’s not even sorry that he is lying. He does not want to be with Haechan. This class was already so much for him to handle.

“See you at home, Injun.” He hugs Renjun and leaves as fast as he could. Renjun just shrugs his shoulders and apologizes to Donghyuck.

_ If only you knew, Renjun. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

The next few days went on like a blur. It was Friday already. Jaemin hates his week. From Monday to Thursday all Renjun did was hang out with Haechan and Haechan always made sure that Jaemin was invited but Jaemin avoided him like the plague. Renjun was still oblivious to all Jaemin’s lies. Jaemin would tell him he’s studying, partying, or doing something. 

Jaemin braces himself again as he enters the classroom. The usual, he sees Renjun sitting next to Haechan. He sits down beside Renjun immediately

“Jaemin.” Renjun says in a serious tone

“Hmm?” Jaemin answers as he gets something from his bag.

“Are you mad at me?” Renjun says in a sad tone.

That made Jaemin stop what he was doing. Renjun was pouting.

“No babybun. What made you think that?” He says as he pinches Renjun’s cheeks.

“I just feel like you are avoiding me. You do not hang out with me.”

“That’s because you hangout with Haechan” Jaemin’s mind automatically answers but he smiles at Renjun.

“I’ve been busy. Sorry. I’ll make it up to you.” He tells Renjun. 

“Promise?”  
“Promise.”

Renjun smiles evilly. 

“You said that okay no take backs...” Renjun says

“... because Donghyuck and I are going bowling after school.” 

Jaemin regrets all what he said. He tries to open his mouth to say an excuse but Renjun shuts him

“YOU PROMISED.” He reminds Jaemin. Jaemin sighs.

“Hyuckie~ Nana’s coming with us later.” He informs 

“REALLY? I mean really?” Donghyuck clears his throat. His excitement can’t be contained.

“Jaemin sucks in bowling though.” Renjun says teasingly which earned a glare from Jaemin.

Donghyuck smiles. Of Course he knows. 

The prof arrives and everybody faces him.

“Hello class. How’s talking to your partner?” He earns some responses from students.

Jaemin on the other hand, looks around for Taeyong. They didn’t do anything because Jaemin was to focus on avoiding Donghyuck.

“So we have an activity for today please go to your pairs.” Jaemin looks around for Taeyong but does not see him.

“Sir, I think my partner is absent.” He tells his professor. 

“Sir mine too.” Jaemin sees a tall man with features of a greek god.

“You guys, be partners until your partner comes back. The dance department has a competition your partners must be competing there.” Jaemin nods. Taeyong has a competition. Good thing he was busy too while Jaemin was busy avoiding Haechan.

“Hi. I’m Jaemin.” Jaemin says and offers his hand  
“Johnny.” He accepts his hand and smiles. 

“Shall we start?” Johnny asks and Jaemin just nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin finds himself laughing at Johnny’s joke. He’s so funny and very charming. BUT he told Jaemin that his partner who is in the dance team is his boyfriend. Jaemin was amazed when Johnny told him this.

Johnny said that maybe it was fate. Eyes sparkling as he talks about his boyfriend.

“He dances so well. Body so fluid. As he dances on stage despite the many people all I see is him, Jaemin. I feel like it’s just me and him. And oh gosh his smile, Jaemin! His eyes sparkle like glitter!” All Jaemin can do is smile fondly at Johnny.

He suddenly remembers how he was when he was still with Jeno. He’d talk like Jeno was his world. Like Jeno was the world. How his eyes smile like crescent moons. How his smile could light up the darkest parts of Jaemin’s life. How Jeno’s voice would soothe him in his sad days. He was that in love.

Jaemin feels a lump in his throat.

“Are you okay? Sorry…” Johnny says apologetically.

“Enough about me. How about you, Jaem?” Johnny asks. Jaemin smiles

“Hmm. I was in love before but not anymore. I’m in love with partying right now.” Jaemin laughs.

“Can’t blame you on that.” Johnny agrees and laughs with Jaemin.

They shared more jokes and the bell rings. It was the end of class.

“You’re a nice guy, Jaemin. I know someone who I could introduce you with. That guy went through a rough break up but he still acts like a total angel. You guys would suit together.” Johnny says and pats Jaemin’s back as he leaves.

“Jaemin! Let’s go” He hears Renjun call him.

He breathes as he gathers all the strength he has to follow Renjun and Haechan. 

\------------------------------------------

The walk to the bowling alley was hell. Jaemin’s plan which was to ignore and mind his own business had a lot of flaws, especially that Haechan tries to small talk with him.

“Look at that cute puppy, Jaemin. It’s a samoyed! Look! Look! .” Haechan says pointing at the puppy. Jaemin just fakes a smile.

“Jaemin hates dogs, Hyuck.” Renjun simply says.

“Wh-what?” Donghyuck couldn’t believe what Renjun said but Renjun just nods. 

“Yea.” Renjun says again confirming the fact about Jaemin. He looked at Jaemin who was ahead of them.

But he loved puppies! Samoyeds were his favorite! 

“Let’s stop by this ice cream store first. Let’s grab some ice cream.” Renjun says and points at the ice cream shop in front of them. 

“I’ll order. You guys just stay here. My treat.” Donghyuck presents.

“Get me Double Dutch!” Renjun tells Donghyuck. He gives a thumbs up and leaves before Jaemin could open his mouth. Donghyuck knows he’ll just deny the free treat so he does not bother to ask him his flavor. Donghyuck knows it’s mint chocolate without a doubt.

Donghyuck orders three cones that he carried to the boys standing outside.

“Double Dutch for Renjun.” He gives Renjun his cone

“And Mint Choco for Jaemin.” Renjun looks at Donghyuck and smiles awkwardly.

“Hehe I think I’m in the mood for Mint Choco for today. Jaem, can eat my double dutch!” Renjun says and gives Jaemin the Double Dutch ice cream and takes the Mint Chocolate ice cream from Donghyuck’s hands.

“Huh? But I got Jaemin Mint Choco.” Donghyuck looks at Renjun

_ “Just trust me.” _ Renjun whispers at Donghyuck. He looks at Jaemin who starts eating the Double Dutch ice cream.

“Let’s go.” Renjun says and they start walking again going to the bowling alley.

“Jaemin hates mint chocolate with a passion, Hyuck.” Renjun says as he sees Jaemin who’s walking ahead of them.

“Oh” Donghyuck couldn’t hide his sadness.

Before, he knows Jaemin just like he knows the back of his palm but this Jaemin now? He was a stranger. Hyuck does not know a thing or two about him. He doubts all his past knowledge about Jaemin.

“We’re here.” Jaemin says ice cream is all gone now. Renjun claps his hands as they enter.

They played a couple games. Renjun was laughing at how bad Jaemin was while Donghyuck just smiles.

“A miss again? You gotta be kidding me.” Jaemin says getting frustrated of the game.

“I give up. I’m just going to take a seat here.” Jaemin positions himself on the lounge Watching Renjun and Donghyuck bicker. 

“I’m going to take your ass down” Renjun says.

“You’re talking shit, Huang. Don’t cry to your mommy after I beat you. Okay?” Donghyuck smirks.

“Loser buys food. Deal?” Renjun raises an eyebrow at Donghyuck’s challenge and he shakes the latter’s hand.

Jaemin just watches both boys play. He can hear them trash talking each other from time to time. Small but terrible Renjun finally meets his match. Donghyuck was one to never back out of games. He was very competitive. When they were young Donghyuck would always go an extra mile just to win a game. And Jaemin sees little Donghyuck again. How he would get pissy when he loses. How his forehead creases when he tries to focus on a game and how serious his face was. 

“Take that, Huang.” Donghyuck shows Renjun a thumbs down.

Renjun grits his teeth. 

“You won because I let you win.” Renjun says with a smirk on his face.

“Okay. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Now go fetch me some food, Huang.” Donghyuck’s eyebrows were wiggling which made Renjun more irritated. He sighed loud and walked.

“I’m going to buy some food.” Renjun tells Jaemin. He just nods.

As soon as Renjun leaves Haechan tries to look at Jaemin. Jaemin on the other hand, was sitting down and looking at other bowlers. 

“Nana.” Jaemin hears him call. He ignores it and acts like he didn’t hear it. 

“I miss you…” Haechan says again. Jaemin still focuses on the other bowlers.

“Jeno misses you too” Haechan was now sitting in front of him. 

Jaemin’s face stayed neutral. No emotions in his eyes. He still was looking at the bowlers beside their assigned bowling area.

“I’m sorry, Jaem. Please come back.”

“We regret everything we did. Please Jaemin come back. I’d do anything for you.”

Haechan was shocked when Jaemin finally looked at him. A stern look.

“Really?” Jaemin asks.

“Yes, I’d do anything for you.” Haechan starts moving towards Jaemin.

“Then do me a favor and never cross paths with me again.” Haechan feels that Jaemin’s words were like poison. It hurts. It really does.

He can’t do that. He’d rather die than lose Jaemin again.

“You know I can’t do that…” Haechan says in a low voice. He felt like he was stabbed with a thousand knives with Jaemin’s words.

“I miss being by your side. I miss being able to cuddle with you. I miss you, Jaemin. Whenever I look at you and Renjun. I feel jealous. The way he looks at you and laughs at your joke. The way you bicker about the smallest things and how much he knows about you. I get very jealous because I was in his place before, I was in that place before, and I’ll never get that place again. It feels like you're a thousand miles away. I miss you, Jaemin. _ I miss you, bestfriend. “ _

Jaemin scoffs at his words.

“Bold of you to think I’m your best friend. Do best friend’s kiss each other's boyfriend?” Jaemin snaps his head to Donghyuck.

“But it’s good that you know you’ll never get Renjun’s place. Never. I can never call you my best friend. I can’t even call you my enemy because I’d rather treat you like a stranger. Someone who I don’t know. Someone who I don’t give a shit.” Jaemin stands after he says this.

“Now, excuse me because I’ll look for  **my best friend, Renjun.”** He leaves and goes to the snack area to find Renjun leaving Donghyuck.

Donghyuck hangs his head low. He looks at his feet.

_ “Haechannieeee~ I’m your best friend right?” A young Jaemin says while licking his mint chocolate ice cream. _

_ “Of course, Jaemin. I’ll be your best friend until we’re old. Until we’re grandpas! ”The young Haechan smiles.  _

_ “We’ll be best friends forever!” Jaemin says as he raises his hands. Small droplets of his ice cream falling. _

_ “Promise?” Haechan raises his pinky finger. _

_ “Promise.” Jaemins says as he intertwined their pinkies. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Renjun returns with two hotdogs and two sodas. He sees Donghyuck sitting down and looking at the pins empty-minded.

He places the hotdogs and sodas on their table.

“You okay?” Renjun asks Donghyuck. He just nods as he plays with his fingers.

“Jaemin, left btw. He said he has something to do.” Renjun says. Donghyuck does not lift his head. 

“Don’t think he’s uncomfortable with you. He just has issues on trusting and befriending people but he’s super nice. He has a heart of gold. “ Renjun comforts the boy thinking that the boy thinks Jaemin is uncomfortable with him.

“Not my story to tell but he had a rough life so he acts that way.” He smiles apologetically.

“But he really is an angel. But angels have it rough too right? He’s a good friend too. He always says that he’d take a bullet for me anytime. And I would too you know? If I can take all the hurt. I’d take them away from Jaemin and carry it for him.” Renjun offers a soda to Donghyuck.

“You’re a good friend, Renjun. Take care of Jaemin” 

_ For me. Take care of him for me. _

“Now stop being sappy because I’m going to kick your ass in bowling.” Renjun offers his hand at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck takes his hand. They walked to the bowling area without noticing that they still have their hands intertwined.

  
Renjun feels something strange…  _ but nice. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Renjun returns with two hotdogs and two sodas. He sees Donghyuck sitting down and looking at the pins empty-minded.

He places the hotdogs and sodas on their table.

“You okay?” Renjun asks Donghyuck. He just nods as he plays with his fingers.

“Jaemin, left btw. He said he has something to do.” Renjun says. Donghyuck does not lift his head. 

“Don’t think he’s uncomfortable with you. He just has issues on trusting and befriending people but he’s super nice. He has a heart of gold. “ Renjun comforts the boy thinking that the boy thinks Jaemin is uncomfortable with him.

“Not my story to tell but he had a rough life so he acts that way.” He smiles apologetically.

“But he really is an angel. But angels have it rough too right? He’s a good friend too. He always says that he’d take a bullet for me anytime. And I would too you know? If I can take all the hurt. I’d take them away from Jaemin and carry it for him.” Renjun offers a soda to Donghyuck.

“You’re a good friend, Renjun. Take care of Jaemin” 

For me. Take care of him for me.

“Now stop being sappy because I’m going to kick your ass in bowling.” Renjun offers his hand at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck takes his hand. They walked to the bowling area without noticing that they still have their hands intertwined.

Renjun feels something strange… but nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Self-loathing, Anxiety

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

For the past few days Renjun just hangs out with Hyuck. He tries Jaemin to come but he always has something to do. He looks at the guy shooting an arrow. They are now in an archery shooting place. He sees Donghyuck’s form. It was great.

Renjun and Donghyuck have a lot of similarities. The guy was very competitive and so is Renjun. That is why they hang out together every day. It’s because of the stupid bets that they make. One bet led to another, then it continued to another. They kept hanging out every day.

“10! Take that, Huang.” Donghyuck smirks. 

“Don’t get so cocky, Lee.” He says and raises his bow to shoot his arrow. He frowns when it hits 9. He faces Donghyuck who has a teasing smile on his face.

“I’m going to smack your irritating face.” He frowns.

“You’re so cute when you get mad, Huang.” Donghyuck messes Renjun’s hair then positions himself to shoot an arrow again. Renjun freezes.

_ badum. badum. badum.  _

Renjun knows what it is. He’s not dumb. He knows what he is feeling. So when they were done he offered to walk Donghyuck home. So he can stay with him longer.

“You didn’t have to.” Donghyuck says. 

“I want to. Besides I need to get something at the store beside your place.” Renjun lies. 

Their walk to Donghyucks’s place was chaotic. Not a minute they do not bicker. 

“Haha. another one wearing black! I win.” Donghyuck says as he sees a man walking with a black shirt.

“No! That was dark blue!” Renjun says but Donghyuck just sticks his tongue out.

“We’re here.” They stopped in front of Donghyuck’s place.

“Yeah…” both boys can feel the atmosphere going awkward.

“Wanna come in?” Renjun was about to open his mouth when Donghyuck pushed him in.

“You should since I’m going to beat your ass in Mario Kart.” He laughs. 

Renjun sees a huge place. A kitchen, living room, and two bed rooms.

“Stay here. I’ll get the game in my room.” Donghyuck says as he leaves.

Renjun’s eyes wander. Black and white furniture. He has good taste. Renjun’s eyes stop at the corkboard near the window. Attached are photos of Donghyuck _. _

_ “You are nice.”  _ says on a polaroid of Donghyuck helping an elderly woman.

_ “The lady said I’m nice today”  _ then attached a photo of Donghyuck with a dog and lady.

_ “I helped her carry her groceries. She told me I’m nice.”  _ Then a picture of Donghyuck with groceries. There were other photos but the phrase  _ “you are nice”  _ are on all polaroids. 

A pink sticky note on the end of the board is seen.

_ 7 am wake up and tell yourself you are doing great. _

_ 8 pm listen to positivity quotes. _

Renjun looks at the note.  _ A positivity enthusiast? _ He finds Donghyuck so he can ask and tease him.

  
  


He sees an open room and enters it. Assuming that it was Donghyuck’s room.

He gets greeted with a number of canvases all painted with black ink in different phrases

_ “You are an asshole.” _

_ “You should die.” _

_ “You’re better off dead.” _

It was the same handwriting on the pink sticky note. Renjun couldn’t believe his eyes. His heart breaks.He runs to Donghyuck.

“Renj--” he hugs Donghyuck real tight.

“Hyuckie, you are amazing. You are beautiful. You are wonderful.” He repeats phrases on Donghyuck’s ear.

“D-did you see?” Donghyuck asks. He feels Renjun nod on his shoulder. Renjun faces him. He can see the boy getting pale.

Mn

“Hyuckie… you are amazing.” he says as he hugs the boy again. Renjun feels the boy shake in his arms as he hear sobs from the boy.

Renjun hugs him tighter. Caressing the boy’s back. Whispering words of courage and praises at the boy.

For a long time, they just stood there. Hugging each other like they were each other’s comfort. 

When Renjun notices the Donghyuck calms down he faces the boy.

“Why? I mean you are amazing. You are smart. You are nice.” Renjun asks

“I’m not a good person, Renjun.” He bitterly says.

“Those photos say otherwise.” He caresses Donghyuck’s wet cheeks and wipes the tears.

“No, Renjun. I am not a good person. I guarantee you that.” He says again. 

Renjun watches Donghyuck as he self-loathes. He stares at the boy.

“You are a sweetheart.” He stares at the boy lovingly.

“Renjun. I did something very bad. I’m not a good person. I’m an asshole. Sorry.” Donghyuck avoids Renjun’s eyes. Renjun cups Donghyuck’s cheeks.

“You are amazing, Donghyuck. And I’ll make you feel that every day.”

With that they stared at each other for what seemed like eternity.

_ And all Renjun wants to do is protect this boy in front of him.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

“It’s late. Where have you been?” Is what greeted him as he enters his and Jaemin’s place.

“Hello Mom” He earns a glare from Jaemin.

“You’re really like a mom.” Renjun says. 

“We have class tomorrow and you’re out there late. Wow. Amazing. And weird too.” Jaemin examines Renjun. 

“I was at Donghyuck’s.” Renjun defends himself. He places a plastic bag on the kitchen sink and rummages through it.

Jaemin tenses. He looks at Renjun’s back as the latter still rummages on the plastic bag as he takes out some beer and an ice cream.

“Nana, I bought ice cream. Go get a spoon let’s eat this together.” 

“I’m not in the mood for ice cream. Sorry.” Jaemin says weakly and walks to his room.

He can hear Renjun say “Now, you’re the one being weird. When did you say no to ice cream?” but he continues walking to his room biting his lips.

As he closed his door, the tears didn’t start to fall. He immediately wipes them but they keep going. He puts his hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs

Renjun knocks on his door. 

“Jaemin, are you sure you don’t want ice cream?” Renjun asks from the outside.

“Y-yeah. I’m s-sleepy.” Jaemin tries to speak normally. 

_ Please… not Renjun. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

It was another day again. Jaemin walks with two cups of coffee on his hands as he walks to his friendship class with Renjun. He walks like he was taking a walk in the park. He doesn’t mind that he was already 10 minutes late. He had to wait for his coffee. Yes you read right. Both cups are his. He is that tired and it’s just Monday. His taxation class was killing him like he was on death row.

He enters the classroom and sees Johnny raising a hand. 

“Here!” Johnny calls him. He sees that the class is with their respective pairs. He sees Renjun and Haechan. Renjun caressing Haechan’s hair. He ignores what he sees and walks directly to Johnny.

“Still absent?” Jaemin asks.

“Yeah. I miss him already.” Johnny frowns.

Jaemin just laughs at him. 

“Heard they’ll be back on Friday though.” Johnny says. Jaemin just nods and starts to sip on his coffee.

“I’d offer you one but I’m dying. Sorry.” Jaemin says as he sees Johnny looking at him. Johnny laughs at him.

“Rough day, Man?”

“Augh. Had the worst today.” 

“What’s your coffee?”

“Oh it’s---”

Jaemin finds himself talking about coffee with Johnny. Whom Jaemin considers as a coffee enthusiast. He was very passionate about it. 

Time goes by again. Johnny’s jokes were really funny and made Jaemin’s tummy hurt from laughing. They hear the bell ring. They start to pack their things.

“Maybe I should party today.” Jaemin murmurs.

“On a Monday? You really wanna die huh?” They both laugh.

“Jaemin, remember I told you that I’ll introduce you to someone? He loves partying too. He usually goes to NeoClub. Maybe you guys can vibe. Just let me know, okay?”

Johnny looks at his watch and his eyes widen.

“Gotta go, Jaem! I’m late for my next class.” He says hurriedly as he runs through the door.

“Seems like you guys have gotten close.” He hears a voice. He turns to see Renjun with Donghyuck.

Jaemin’s breath hitch as he sees Renjun and Donghyuck’s hands. They were intertwined. 

“Yeah.” He says weakly.

“Do you have plans today?” Renjun asks

“Yes.”

“Oh. Too bad. Donghyuck and I are going to this amazing place that sells chinese food.” Renjun says.

“Oh.” 

“You should come, Jaem.” 

“Can’t. Bye” Jaemin picks up his bag and hurries his way out.

Jaemin runs to the park. To his own sanctuary.

He knows he shouldn’t be a bitch to Renjun. It was his choice instead to not tell Renjun. But seeing them together really hurts Jaemin. 

_ Should I tell Renjun? _

_ I should…. Tell him this thursday. _

Jaemin recalls he has a Jaemin and Renjun date on Thursday. Nothing special. Just them staying at their place as they watch reruns of How I met your mother as they eat ice cream.

_ I should… right? _

Jaemin sighs. When did his life become this complicated? A year ago he had a perfect boyfriend, a childhood best friend, straight A’s, and a life that is not a bit complicated. How did everything go so wrong? 

He looks at a couple passing by him.

“Winwinnieee~ my baby stop ignoring me” the Japanese guy says. The smaller guy or Winwin pouts at him.

“Because that girl keeps looking at you. I’m going to snap, Yuta” Winwin says. Yuta kisses his cheek and hugs him

“You’re the only one for me though.” Jaemin hears him say.

_ “Nana baby look at me.” Jeno says as he chases Jaemin’s gaze. _

_ “No.” A frown apparent on his face. _

_ “Baby tell me what’s wrong.” Jeno cups his face and they look at each other. _

_ “Because… because that girl keeps looking at you. She keeps sending heart eyes at you.” His face starts to get red. A small pout on his lips form as he speaks. Jeno pinches his nose and places a kiss on his lips. Soft and warm. Rhythm full of love. As they separate their lips, eyes still locked. _

_ “I love you, Nana.” _

Jaemin returns to reality and sees the couple gone. Just like what he and Jeno had. _ Gone. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

_ Tuesday came. _

All he did was go to class. Drink coffee. Laugh with Johnny. Ignore Renjun and Haechan. Drink coffee.

_ Wednesday came. _

Jaemin enters their place around 2 am completely sober from a party. Which is a miracle. He sees the lights in Renjun’s room are still on. 

“What can he be doing at this time?” He murmurs as he goes and checks Renjun.

He sees Renjun sitting on his chair, head dropping from time to time. It was a cute sight for Jaemin. He checks what Renjun is doing. Renjun does not even notice Jaemin was standing beside him as his head falls.

_ “Donghyuck you are amazing” _

_ “Donghyuck your smile could light up New York City.” _

_ “Donghyuck, I don’t believe angels go to heaven. Because I can see one here and it’s you.” _

And a whole lot of small little notes too. Jaemin sees a “Donghyuck You are amazing” jar on Renjun’s head. 

And Jaemin… Jaemin does not know what to do. 

“Junnie~”

“Junnie~ You need to go to bed.” He calls again. This time Renjun responds.

“Nana, you’re here.” He quickly gets up

“You need to go to sleep, Injun.”

“I will. I’ll just finish this. It’s important” Renjun smiles. Jaemin watches Renjun focus on writing again. He places the pen in his mouth for a long time then smiles as he writes a sentence.

“Renjun.” he calls the small boy again.

“Hmm?” eyes still on the paper.

“Are you happy with Donghyuck?” Jaemin asks. A long silence can be heard.

“Yeah. Are you jealous? You still are my best friend, Nana. No one could ever replace that.” 

“No… I’m just… asking.” Jaemin says and looks at Renjun’s face. He was smiling while writing notes.

“I’m going to sleep. I drank a lot.” Jaemin says and he hugs Renjun then leaves. 

_ The universe hates me so much. _

_ Thursday came.  _

Finally! Jaemin was looking forward to this day. A Jaemin and Renjun day! Where all his problems won’t matter for a while and all that matters is How I met your mother. Jaemin hurriedly walked so he could reach his place faster. The usual cup on his hand. He enters the door and sees shoes. Suddenly it felt like deja vu as Jaemin sees shoes on the door and Haechan in their kitchen. Jaemin feels heat in his head.

“What are you doing here?” He says in a bitter tone. His tone was much bitter than the coffee he was holding.

“Nana…”

“Don’t call me, Nana. What the heck are you doing here?” He repeats.   
  


“Nana… please talk to me.” Haechan says. His eyes pleading Jaemin.

“I said don’t call me that. Only people who love me can call me that and clearly you aren’t one.” Jaemin does not bother with a fake smile. He immediately glares at Haechan. 

Haechan was about to hold Jaemin’s arm but Jaemin avoided it like it was the plague. Like it was poison.

“Don’t you dare touch me.” Jaemin looks at him in disgust.

“Donghyuck.” Jaemin’s face turned serious. Haechan waits for Jaemin’s next words.

“Do you like Renjun?” Haechan’s eyes go wide.

“Be honest with me.” Jaemin’s face got more serious. 

“Y-yes. I really do.” 

“It looks like Renjun likes you. I don’t want to lie to Renjun and hurt him.” Jaemin looks at the view on his window.

“So I’ll give you the chance to tell him what you did to me. It’ll hurt him if it came from me. I’ll give you a chance to come clean and tell Renjun who you really are to me. Sooner or later, he will still know even if we won’t tell him and that will hurt him more. So I’m giving you the chance to do it.” Jaemin says.

“H-how can I? I can’t do it, Nana” Donghyuck looks at Jaemin. Tears in his eyes start to form.

“Why? Ashamed of your little mistake?” Jaemin’s face was unreadable. His face was so straight and Haechan has never seen this face of Jaemin.

“I’ll give you the chance to do it later at midnight.” 

Donghyuck was about to answer when he hears the door open.Both Haechan and Jaemin looked at the door. 

“I bought ramen. We ran out.” Renjun casually says as he places the convenience store plastic on the counter. Jaemin takes his cue to leave saying he’ll be out partying.

_ Seems like Renjun forgot about Jaemin and Renjun date night. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin opens his eyes with a throbbing headache. He got drunk again last night. The usual NeoClub. He checks the time and realizes he missed his classes already. The only class he has left is the class he has with Renjun.

“Nana. Here some meds.” He sees Renjun on his door. He stares at Renjun. He was wearing light blue polo and black pants. He had a plastic and cup of water in hand.

_ Does he already know? _

Renjun looks at him concerned. 

“Nana you really need to stop drinking.” He caresses Jaemin’s face. Jaemin just stares at him. Jaemin analyzes Renjun’s expressions. Renjun opens the medicine and helps Jaemin take it. 

“Go take a bath. Let’s go to class together.” Renjun says as Jaemin finishes the water in the cup. He throws the trash and takes the empty glass. Jaemin watches his every move.

“Jaem, hurry up.” Renjun says annoyed. Jaemin takes one last glance at Renjun as he walks and enters the bathroom. Confused about what's happening.

As he finishes he gets changed and now they are walking to their class together.

“Nana.” He hears Renjun say

“Hmm?”

“You really need to stop drinking, Nana.” 

“I found you outside our door last night. Thank goodness you were okay and in full piece.” Renjun says. Jaemin pauses with a confused face

“What? But I remember being taken home by someone last night. It was not you?” 

“No! Oh no, Jaemin! Please be careful next time! When you feel like you start to get dizzy give me a call! So I can pick you up.” 

Jaemin recalls what happened last night.

_ Jaemin was drunk already. He raised his hand as the beat got faster and louder. He looks around as the people around him start to rave. He sees bodies grinding, cups raising, and the lights blinding. Everything was spinning too much. _

_ Jaemin moves his way out of the crowd. He wobbles walking to the bar counter. So hot. He feels his body getting hot. _ _  
  
_

_ “Rum on the rocks, please.” He says to the bartender. _

_ He places his face on the marble counter.  _

_ “Asdfghjkl” he mumbles some words even he doesn't understand. _

_ “Jaemin!” He hears a familiar voice. Jaemin opens one eye. Everything is blurry for Jaemin as he only can see the blinding disco lights that makes him more dizzy. _

_ “Hi hehe.”Jaemin says. His face not leaving the counter. _

_ “You’re drunk again. Why do you keep doing this?” The familiar voice says he sits on the bar stool next Jaemin. The bartender places Jaemin’s drink in front of him. Jaemin takes it and drinks it in one go. The man’s eyes widened. He took the cup from Jaemin but it was too late. The contents of the cup were all gone already as Jaemin gulped it in one go.  _

_ “Hmmmm. Stranger.” Jaemin calls the man. _

_ “Yes?” _

_ “Why is Haechan so mean to me?” Jaemin says his finger plays with the marbled counter. He closes his eyes as he feels he’s going to blackout any minute now. _

_ “Sorry, Jaemin.” He hears the man. Jaemin just laughs. _

_ “Sorry… all I hear is sorry. Everytime I hear that it hurts me more and more.”  _

_ “I want to forgive too… I really do. But it really hurts. Am I selfish? Am I bitter? I honestly don’t want to be that at all… I want to go on my day without having to worry anymore. All these days all I do is hurt. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been genuinely happy.” The man looks at Jaemin as he talks. His own heart starts to clench. He sees the tears Jaemin shed. He places his hand in Jaemin’s face and wipes the tears.  _

  
  


_ “Jaemin… I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Jaemin does not hear a thing as he completely black outs. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

“We’re here now, Jaem.” He looks at Renjun who was now standing in front of their room. Jaemin just nods.

“Go to your partners please. We will form a group of 4 after consisting of two pairs. The activity is important today. I’ll give a failing mark if you guys don’t do well in this activity.” Their professor says as he sees both boys entered the room. Jaemin’s eyes follow Renjun as he walks his way to Haechan. They both nod at each other and Jaemin does not know what that means. 

Jaemin scans the crowd for Taeyong but finds Johnny raising his hand instead. He makes his way to Johnny as he glances at Renjun and Haechan.

“Our partners will be 10 minutes late. They’re just going to get their award in the faculty and they’ll go back here. Jaemin just nods.

They start to joke again. Jaemin finds Johnny really funny. Minutes pass and the door opens and he sees Taeyong.

“Partner’s here. Good bye, fellow lonely soul. It was nice meeting you.” Jaemin says and he salutes at Johnny. The boy just laughs.

He sees Taeyong make his way to him. Excitedly. 

“Babe!” he hears Taeyong say as he walks past Jaemin. He sees Taeyong kiss Johnny’s cheek.

Huh?

“Jaemin, meet my boyfriend.” Johnny introduces Taeyong to him. Jaemin looks so dumbstruck.

“I thought we were partners?” Jaemin says.

“Huh? Johnny has been my partner since the first day???” Taeyong is confused.

“Huh? I remember the prof saying Na and Lee. Well Donghyuck is with Renjun so I assumed you’re my partner?” Taeyong says an “oh”

“Maybe it’s the other, Lee. He was with me in the dance team! He’s a good dancer!” Taeyong says and nudges Jaemin’s elbows.

“Huh?” Jaemin still does not know who.

“He’s pretty popular here. He’s Lee…”

“It’s me.” Jaemin freezes at the familiar voice. His breath getting unsteady.

“Nana…”

_ “Jeno…” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Renjun was sitting with Haechan when he saw Jeno come into the room. He sees Jeno talking to Jaemin and he sees how Jaemin freezes. Renjun runs to the scene.

“What are you doing here?” He harshly says at Jeno.

“I go to this class…” Jeno says his eyes still stuck on Jaemin.

“Nana… I miss you. Can we talk?” Renjun snatches Jaemin and places him behind his back.

“No. You’re not going to talk to Jaemin.” Renjun glares at Jeno.

“Please back off. I need to talk to Jaemin.” Jeno does not back down as he glares back at Renjun.

“You heard me. I said no. He will not talk to you.” Renjun feels Jaemin hold his sleeves as Renjun steps forward at Jeno. Jeno steps forward too. Both boys facing each other harshly. A strong tension can be felt.

“Please… not in public, Injun.” He hears Jaemin say but Renjun is too focused on the boy in front of him. His blood boils. It feels like a switch was turned on in Renjun. He holds Jeno in his collar. Their staredown is still intense. Everything was so fast as Renjun’s fist landed on Jeno’s face. Jeno glares at Renjun and raises his fist. He was about to throw a punch back when they heard a scream.

“JENO NO” everyone stops to look at the boy.

“Haechan…” Jeno says.

_ Haechan? _ Renjun lets go of Jeno’s collar and looks at the tanned boy.

“Haechan…?” He asks. 

“Renjun… I can explain.” He sees the boy coming to him. 

“You’re Haechan?” He asks again.

“I can explain Renjun. I can explain please listen to me.” Donghyuck begs Renjun.

“I said.  **Are. you. Haechan.** ” Renjun emphasizes every word. 

“Y-yes… Renjun I can explain. Please please don’t leave me.” Renjun feels his ears are ringing. He feels the world stop. 

“I-i” Renjun tries to say something but he feels his mind so fucked up that he can’t even piece his words. Donghyuck tries to run to Renjun. But it was too late as Renjun bolted out the room. Not leaving another word but he spares a glance at Jaemin who looks at him in a sad gaze.

Renjun was now out. Leaving the three boys standing together. Jeno’s eyes widen as he hears a loud slap.

“I fucking told you to do it. I fucking gave you a chance!” Jaemin angrily points at Haechan. 

“That’s two Haechan. I slapped you twice in my entire life. One for hurting me. One for hurting  **my best friend** .” Jaemin picks up his and Renjun’s bags as he chases Renjun out the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin chases Renjun out of the room. He fishes out his phone out of his pocket. He struggles as he is carrying two bags.

**To : Injun my cutiepie**

**Jun, where are you?**

He receives no reply from Renjun. Jaemin tries to think of all the places where Renjun can be. He walks to the school park and sees Renjun sitting under a tree.

“Junnie~ your bag is heavy.” Jaemin says as he sits down beside Renjun. The little guy just looks at him. Jaemin’s eyes linger around the park.

“Jaemin… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there.” Jaemin just smiles at him.

“ I should have realized why you were uncomfortable with Donghyuck. But Jaemin… let me ask you this. Why didn’t you tell me? Do you not trust me?” Jaemin now looks at Renjun. Renjun sees that there are tears in Jaemin’s cheeks.

“Because...I wanted him to own up to his mistakes. I wanted to see him admit what he did. Is that too stupid to ask? Sorry, I didn’t tell you the first time we met. I was very overwhelmed. I didn’t know we’d get entangled with him.” Renjun does not question Jaemin’s actions. He was there when he was hurt and saw how Jaemin struggled but he admired how Jaemin handled his situation. He didn’t plan any revenge. He didn’t outed the wrongdoings of Haechan and Jeno to others, not even his parents. He struggled with it all alone.

“Technically, it’s my fault Jun… I didn’t tell you when I should have.” 

“No… I mean yeah I’m kinda disappointed you didn’t tell me but.. You have your reasons right,Jaem? And don’t do that again. Don’t hide any secrets from me. I know you have issues regarding trust but with me, Jaem, I’d like to let you know that you are safe with me and that will always remain true because I value you. I love you and you’ll always be my best friend. I’ll always choose you.” Renjun initiates a hug at Jaemin which the latter gladly took.

“Renjun, I’ll always choose you too. I’ll always will.”

“You’re not mad at me?” Jaemin says on Renjun's shoulder, refusing to let go of the little guy.

“No, Jaem. I’m not.”

“Sure?”

“Yeah. When will I ever be mad at you?” He feels Jaemin’s hug tighten.

“Enough about me… Now let’s talk about you. How are you feeling?” Renjun feels his shirt getting wet.

“Why does it still hurt, Jun? It’s been a year already. I should have gotten over it right?”

“It does not matter how long you heal, Jaem. Your feelings are valid.”

“Still, Jun. I do not know how to act. Knowing that we’re now in the same class. Worst we’re partners.”

“I shouldn’t have forced you to join that class…”

“You cannot handle who comes to that class, Jun. It’s not your fault.”

“Still…”

“Jun… I don’t know what to do anymore.” Jaemin’s face is still buried in Renjun’s shoulder. Renjun lifts Jaemins face and caresses his cheeks.

“Don’t worry, Nana. You have me. I will never let them hurt you. I’ll guard you. 

_ You have me, Nana. You have me” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin’s weekdays were full of love and assurance from Renjun. Some beer and some tears. Jaemin did miss these days where it was just him and Renjun bickering. It was a great escape… but you can’t really run away from reality even if you run away from it the universe still has its way to drag you back.

And that is how Jaemin finds himself sitting in class with Renjun and the only seats available are beside him.

“Is this seat taken?” Jeno asks. Haechan was with him. He looks at Renjun but Renjun does not dare to look at him at all.

“No.” Jaemin says without removing his eyes on the blackboard. Both guys took their seats with Jeno sitting beside Jaemin.

“Nana. Let’s cut?” Renjun asks, sounding more like a demand than a request.

“Cut? When did you learn to do that?” He hears Jeno’s voice but he does not look at him. Renjun’s eyes turn harsh on Jeno.

“I’m not talking to you, stop butting in.”

“I’m also not talking to you so stop butting in.” Jaemin sees Renjun ready to fight so he holds his hands and squeezes it. Jaemin gives a “don’t Renjun please” look. 

“Jaemin, switch seats with me.” Jaemin just nods and switches his seat with Renjun. Renjun does not waste the chance to glare at Jeno.

As he sits, Renjun whispers to him.

“Let’s just cut, Jaem.” 

“You never cut.”

“Well. I am now. So let’s go.”

“Jun, it’s okay. I have to show them that I am not affected. I’m strong. Don’t worry.” Renjun sighs with finality and listens to the prof discussing today's activity. Jaemin sees that Renjun’s so passionate about this class even if it’s just an extra. Which motivates Jaemin to act that he’s okay and ignore the pain in his heart.

_ I’m okay. I’m okay. I’ll try to be okay. _

But the universe really hates Jaemin because no matter how far he runs away from Jeno the universe drags him back to him.

“Go to your pairs and I’ll assign you a place around school. I will send the activity in your school apps after. Don’t dare to run away because I have your locations activated in the school app.”

_ “Huang and Lee, you're in the art room.” _

_ “Na and Lee in the school playground.” _

Renjun frowns at Jaemin.

“You’re too far!” Renjun says like he is being separated from his mommy. Jaemin sighs.

“I was supposed to guard you!” Renjun frowns.

“It’s inevitable, Jun… We can’t mess with the universe because it will always find its ways.” Renjun looks at him worried.

“Jaemin…” 

“It’s okay, Jun. I’m strong. Besides… you also have your battle with the universe.” Jaemin sees Haechan standing up behind Renjun. Waiting for him. Renjun’s face turned serious. Jaemin pasts his back and gives a small smile and a “Don’t worry. I’m okay” to Renjun. Renjun spares another glance at Jaemin in which Jaemin just nods. Renjun takes his bag and walks without waiting for Haechan. Jaemin sees Haechann following Renjun like a lost puppy.  _ And Jaemin does not like what he is feeling about this.  _

  
  


“Nana… Let’s go?” He hears Jeno say. He just nods and picks up his bag. 

Their walk was quiet. Only the sounds of their footsteps can be heard.

“Is it heavy?” Jeno asks, referring to Jaemin’s bag. Jaemin just shakes his head as he continues walking without looking at Jeno.

“I remember that I carry your bag all the time.” Jaemin increases his pace.

“You would always get ice cream after class. I remember your favorite! It’s mint chocolate!” Jaemin stops his tracks.

“Stop it, Jeno. Why are you doing this?!” He asks annoyed.

“Because I want you back, Nana. I want you back.” Jeno stares at Jaemin

“Haha funny.” Jaemin’s face was full of anger. He can feel his eyes start to get heavy.

“I’m serious… I really want you back, Nana.” Jeno says with seriousness and sincerity apparent in his voice.

“And? What do you want me to say? That I miss you too? That I want to be back with you? Because that’s bullshit, Jeno. Cut it off.” Jaemin lifts his head up to prevent his tears from falling.

“I-i” Jeno tries to say something but his mouth dries up as he feels his chest getting heavier.

“Just hurry up so we can be done with this shit. I want to get over this work already.” Jaemin walks faster to the playground and leaves Jeno.

Jaemin arrives at the school playground and sees that there are no people around. He sits on the swings as his tears fall simultaneously. 

“Stupid, Lee Jeno. Stupid.” He wipes his tears but it seems that it is never ending. He hears footsteps so he hangs his head low. The silence envelopes them.

“L-let’s start.” Jaemin whips his phone out to see the instructions.

_ Be close friends with your partners. Ask the following questions and you guys will be interviewed and graded tomorrow.  _

  * _The name of your first pet_


  * What’s your dream vacation?


  * Favorite childhood memory


  * Where do you see yourself in 5 years?


  * Where do you see yourself in 30 years?


  * What’s your biggest dream?


  * What’s your biggest regret?



“Your first pet was Nini a goldfish.” Jeno says.

“You want to go to France and visit the Eiffel Tower.”

“Hmm. Probably when we made that tree house or when we would go to that summer house. Wait maybe both?”

“You want to be a doctor.”

“Working in the hospital and helping people.

“To be a doctor and help sick kids.”

“When you didn’t join that photography contest because you were too shy.” Jaemin just looks at Jeno.

“You want to hear mine?” Jeno does not wait for Jaemin to respond

“My first pet is Nini too.”

“Hmm I want to go to New York! Pretty lights.”

“I want to be a lawyer in 5 years.”

“Married to you.”

“To marry you.”

_ “Losing you.”  _ Jeno whispers the last sentence but it was loud for Jaemin to hear.

“Lawyer?” Jaemin asks. He’s never heard of Jeno wanting to become a Lawyer.He knows Jeno wants to play basketball.

“Yeah. I realized I want something more. Not that I’m belittling basketball. It’s my love and passion… but as I go I realized I wanted to help people. Defend the innocent.” Jaemin sways his feet. He stares at the sky.

“We’ve grown huh?” Jeno says. 

“Yeah.” Jaemin couldn’t stop himself from answering Jeno. They watch the clouds move slowly.

“I still see my future with you, Jaem.” Jaemin watches how the white fluffs move around the blue sky. How he wishes his life would that be peaceful. Jaemin stands up and dusts himself.

**“Bye, Jeno.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin walks back home slowly. MInd clouded with thoughts. He sees the street lights being turned on as he walks by. He feels time turning slowly and his walk back to his home was longer. 

_ What did I do to deserve this? _

He lost not just a boyfriend but both his best friends.He tries to think of what’s missing in him. Was he strict? Was he being a brat? Was he harsh? Jaemin tries to think but he gets no answer. 

(ding!)

**Notification from Assistance of Visa:**

**_Your visa has been approved._ **

Jaemin just stares at the notification. 

_ I’m really doing this right? _

Jaemin’s professor saw potential in Jaemin’s skills and capacity as a doctor. He saw how Jaemin tried to balance taking med school and some business courses which he purposely took because his mom wants him to help with the business from time to time but it did not hinder Jaemin’s skills and abilities in performing great in every exam. He gave Jaemin an opportunity to gain experience abroad where he worked before. Jaemin agreed to it. He didn’t have anyone to look back since his parents are travelling abroad for business, his brother Jaehyun was also helping with the business, and...Jaemin was single. He didn’t need to think about leaving Jeno _ (but he still did) _ . Jaemin took this as an opportunity to move forward too. Jaemin processed his papers and visa application right after. He was bound to leave after he graduates

_ Can’t time move faster and can I graduate already?  _

Jaemin does not realize he is in front of their place already. He opens the door and walks in. He grabs some snacks to cool his head. He checks Renjun’s room to see if the boy was there. And he was. Jaemin sees Renjun staring at the ceiling of his room. Swallowed by his deep thoughts. Jaemin prepares himself to enter Renjun’s room when he hears the boy say something.

“Donghyuck… why did it have to be you…” Jaemin pauses. _ He feels something hurt.  _ Renjun was talking to himself absentmindedly.

“How can I protect you from your monsters… when you are the reason for Jaemin’s monsters?” Jaemin slowly moves back from Renjun’s room and walks directly to his own room.

He sits on his desk as he opens a drawer. In it were photos of him, Jeno and Haechan. He sees a photo of the three of them during the first day of their school.

_ Nana, Nono, and Hyuckie best friends forever <3 _

  
  


“Me too, Jun. Me too. Why did it have to be Haechan…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

_ Ring… ring… ring… _

Jaemin scrubs his eyes. He sees that it’s still very dark. 2 AM on his bedside clock.

_ Ring… ring… ring… _

Who would call this early? Jaemin checks his phone to see an unknown number. Jaemin places the phone on his bedside table and places a pillow on his face.

_ Ring… ring… ring… _

_ Ring… ring… ring… _

_ Ring... ring….ring… _

Jaemin irritatedly picks up the phone

“WHA---” Jaemin shouts but he immediately stops as he hears the voice on the other side.

“Jjwemin.”

“J-jeno…” Jaemin looks at his phone. It was not Jeno’s old number which he memorized by heart.

“Jwemin I wuv you baby” Jeno laughs on the other line. Jaemin notices the slur on Jeno’s words.

“Jeno, you’re drunk. Stop calling me.” 

“Jwemin… please come back to me.”

“Please....”

“Jwemin, I-i’ve changed… Just please come back to me.”

“Jwemin… I was stupid. Please”

“Jwemin..”

Jaemin stays silent as he hears Jeno’s sobs on the line.

“Jaem.. Jaem…” Jaemin hears Jeno say between sobs. 

“J-jeno. Stop. Call Haechan to pick you up.” 

“No…” Jaemin stares at the darkness of his room. His phone on his ears as he hears Jeno sobs on the line. Jaemin quietly wipes his wet cheeks. 

“Bye Jeno.” He breathes heavily as he places his finger near the end button

_ “Hi there, cutie. Are you okay? Come have fun with us.” _

  
  


Jaemin feels his heart race and heat go in his head. He can hear Jeno puking on the other line and the girls giggle.Jaemin immediately stands up and grabs a hoodie. 

**“Where the fuck are you, Jeno?”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

“N-neoclub” Jaemin hurries wearing his shoes. He sees Renjun rubbing his eyes as he stares at Jaemin with a confused look.

“Where are you going, Nana?” He hears no answer as he sees Jaemin running to the door.

“Wait, Jaemin! Wait your shoes!!!” But Jaemin was far gone, leaving a confused Renjun.

Jaemin calls the first cab he sees. He can still feel the heat on his head. 

“Please hurry. I’ll pay extra.” Jaemin says all giddy on the backseat. The driver just nods as he steps on the pedal.

In no time, they arrived at the club but for Jaemin it felt like the slowest ride. He pays the driver and tips him extra just as promised. Jaemin makes his way into the club, his eyes searching for one man.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Jaemin tries his best to hover on the drunk people he passes by. Still no sign of Jeno. Jaemin searched everywhere but still none. Jaemin’s eyes land on the vip section on the second floor of the club. Jaemin walks his way to the second floor but gets stopped by the bouncer.

“Name, sir?”

“Na Jaemin.” He looks at the bouncer confused. 

“Sorry. Not in the guest list.” He closes the entrance for the second floor. 

“B-but!!” But it was too late as the bouncer was already talking to other people. Jaemin bites his lip. He calls Jeno but the bastard doesn’t answer.

“Fucking hell, Lee Jeno. Answer the damn phone.” he murmurs under his breath. Jaemin was getting giddy. He wants to punch the bouncer and just run to the second floor. He clenches his hands to fists.

“Jaemin!” He hears someone call him. He immediately snaps his head into that direction. Expecting for Jeno but sees Johnny instead.

“Nice to see you here.” He sees Taeyong behind Johnny’s back. But Jaemin didn’t have the energy to do that. Jaemin peeks at the second floor again.

“Oh. Are you okay?” Johnny sees Jaemin’s balled fist and unfocused eyes.

“I-i need to go to the vip section.” Johnny stares at Jaemin.

“It’s my friend’s birthday in the vip section. I’ll get you in.” Johnny pats his back and makes their way to the vip entrance.

“He’s with me.” Johnny simply says and they were let in. Jaemin enters the area.

“Thanks, Johnny. I owe you one. I really need to go.” Jaemin does not wait for Johnny’s answer and walks around the area as he searches for Jeno.

  
  


He immediately stops as he sees Jeno on a lounge chair… and a woman slowly moving closer to Jeno’s face. Jaemin marches to the lounge and grabs Jeno.

“Hey! Stop being rude! We're having fun.” the lady shouts at Jaemin.

“Fuck off you slut!” He drags Jeno out of the vip area and out of the bar. Jaemin’s feet kept walking and walking.

“Blrghhh… blrghh” Jaemin was back into his senses when he hears Jeno about to puke. He holds the latter and pats his back. Jeno holds Jaemin as support. He closes his eyes as he feels the spinning.

“I-i need Jwemin. Bring me to him.” Jeno tugs Jaemins sleeves. Jaemin just stares at him.

“P-please bring me to Jwemin.” Jeno sits on the floor.

“Jeno.. stand up.” Jaemin pulls Jeno but he’s too heavy for him to carry.

“No” Jeno crosses his arms like a child. He pouts.

“Jeno, stop acting like a child and stand up.” But Jeno just turns his back 

“Not until you bring, my Nana.” Jaemin pulls him back again but Jeno barely budges.

Jaemin sighs and sits down on the concrete floor with Jeno.

“I’m doing this because I know you won’t remember a thing tomorrow.” 

“I miss Nana.” Jeno says looking at Jaemin.

“Hmm. Really, Jen?” The boy nods eagerly.

_ Jeno always acts like a kid when he’s drunk. _

“Do you love Nana?” Jaemin looks at Jeno’s eyes. The eyes turn to crescent moons and his lips form into a smile.

“Of Course! I love him this much!” Jeno extends his arms as long as he can.

“No wait. I love him greater than this” Jeno says as he lets his hands down. It was melting every part of Jaemin.

It was still dark outside. The only light was from a lamp post a couple feet away. Jaemin stares at Jeno. The light was shining beautifully in his face and Jaemin felt the world stop. Jaemin breathes deep. 

_ “Nono… can you give me a hug?” _ It was more like a whisper. Jeno looks at Jaemin softly. Jeno puts his arm around Jaemin. 

“My Nana…” Jaemin just buries his face into Jeno’s neck. Sniffing Jeno’s scent.

A minute..turned to another minute...then to another.

But both of them just wanted to stay like that. Jaemin feels every moment wanting it to never end.

_ Beep beep! _

Jaemin pushes Jeno and quickly gets up. He sees a red car stop in front of them.

“Jeno! I told you to stop drinking! If J--” Haechan stops nagging at Jeno as he sees Jaemin standing beside him.

“Jaemin…” Jaemin does not answer. He just stares at Haechan

“I have his location on my phone. Thank you for getting him. He must have called you. He got a new phone.”

Jaemin’s questions on how Jeno’s call got through despite him blocking his number was now answered.

“I was out partying too. I just saw him here.” Jaemin lies. He can’t let anyone know that he came running to Jeno. Haechan looks at Jaemin. 

“You’re here already. I’ll go now.”

“W-wait! Do you need a ride? I’ll give you a ride home.” But Jaemin was already walking away.

Haechan watches as Jaemin walks farther and further. He looks at Jaemin’s shoes.

_ “Out there partying with two different shoes?” He says as he sees Jaemin wearing a purple Nike shoe on his left foot and a white stan smith on his right.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin enters his class with bags under his eyes. Clearly he didn’t have enough sleep or he didn’t really sleep. He sits in his class. Listening to everything the teacher said. 

Another group project. Jaemin sighs. He was partnered up with the most incompetent classmate. He stares at his partner who just flirts with girls while in class. Jaemin rolls his eyes. He has to pull an extra effort again. Jaemin scribbles the plan on his notebook then discusses his ideas to his partner. His partner, Si Woo, just agrees with Jaemin, his eyes not lifting off his cellphone.

“Si Woo, listen to me. I need help on this.” Si Woo just waves his hand off Jaemin.

“Wait a minute. I’m talking to this hot chick.” Jaemin rolls his eyes. Jaemin was too tired to deal with bullshit so he just let the man be and wrote his thorough plan on his notebook. Jaemin gets a sticky note and writes Si Woo’s parts. He sticks it in Si Woo’s notebook.

“That’s your part. Send it to me on Thursday. It’s a heavy project and we have limited time so please do your part.” Si Woo scans the paper 

“Bro, can you lessen these? These parts are hard.”

“No. Those parts are the easiest. I have 5 parts and you have three. I’m not going to take some load off you. Again. Send it to me on Thursday.” Jaemin quickly gets his bag and walks to his next class. The usual routine in which Jaemin just listens and writes his notes. He spaces out from time to time but he always gets back on track. It amazes him.

He walks to his last class of the day. The one with Renjun again. Jaemin mentally prepares him. He enters and sees the three. Renjun glaring at Jeno, Jeno laying down his head on the table, and Haechan who looks at Jaemin as soon as he gets in.

“Did you arrive home safe?” He asks Jaemin. Renjun raises an eyebrow.

“Where did you go last night?” Renjun asks him accusingly. 

“I was out partying.” 

“Really? How about your shoes?” Jaemin wants to smack Renjun mentally for asking questions in front of Haechan and Jeno.

“New trend.” 

“Really? But you--” Renjun was cut off when someone calls Jaemin.

“Jaemin! Hope you went home safe yesterday.The party was wild last night” Johnny laughs. This time Jeno lifts his head up and stares at Johnny. Jaemin was glad that Johnny didn’t see Jeno’s stares. Jaemin sees Haechan elbow Jeno. 

“Yeah. Thanks again, Sergeant Johnny.” Johnny ruffles Jaemin’s hair and leaves to go to Taeyong. 

“You guys look close.” Jeno tells Jaemin. Jaemin just sits beside Renjun. Jaemin sees Haechan touch Jeno’s forehead. Jaemin does not realize that his eyebrows are rising. Renjun holds Jaemin’s hand and squeezes it. A best friend’s instinct? In which Renjun holds and squeezes Jaemin’s hand and squeezes it when he feels that Jaemin is not feeling the best.

“Nono, just go home. You shouldn’t have done that yesterday.” Jaemin hears Haechan say. Haechan touches Jeno’s forehead again. 

“You guys know the drill. Go to your pair.” The professor says. Renjun just stays seated so is Jaemin. Their hands still intertwined. Haechan sees this. He looks away and taps Renjun’s shoulder. Renjun does not look at him but he lets go if Jaemin’s hand, stand up, and hugs Jaemin.

“I’ll see you later, Nana.” Haechan just follows Renjun again like a lost puppy to their assigned seat which was 6 chairs away from Jaemin and Jeno’s assigned seat.

“Let’s go, Nana.” Jeno says as he gets Jaemin’s bag. Jaemin tries to grab his bag but Jeno is already far ahead. Jaemin follows Jeno’s way to their seat.

“Nana the prof said all we have to do is get to know your dreams and aspirations.” Jeno says as he takes out his phone. Jaemin watches Jeno open his locked notes.

“That locked note again!” Jaemin unconsciously says. He immediately covers his mouth. Jeno laughs at him.

“Yeah.” 

_ Jeno looks at Jaemin as he sees the latter biting his fingernails when he receives an email. Jaemin closes the application as he continues to bite his nails. _

_ “Nana, why are you doing that?” Jeno curiously asks Jaemin. He has seen Jaemin do this countless times but he still does not know what it meant. Jaemin just smiles at him and hugs Jeno. _

_ “I-it’s nothing, Nono.” Jaemin says but Jeno was already eager. He grabs Jaemin’s phone and types in his passcode. _

_ Dear Jaemin, _

_ This is Business Innovation Ideas Corporation , we are sorry to inform you that we cannot accept your entry because it was sent late. _

_ Jeno reads the email in his head. This was the business ideas company that Jaemin sent a business idea to in which large companies will develop. Jaemin went for cars. One more step and Jaemin’s idea will be all over the biggest car companies in the world. Jaemin was scared to try it but during the last days of the deadline Jaemin realized that he wanted to do it. Jaemin tried to do everything he could so he can pass his idea.  _

_ Jeno looks at Jaemin. Jaemin was now covering his face. _

_ “Nana, look at me.” Jeno cups Jaemin’s face. _

_ “No.” _

_ “Baby, look it’s not your fault anyway. You were shy and changed your mind last minute but your work was phenomenal.” He hugs Jaemin as he whispers these words. _

_ “Still. I could have made it if I wasn’t having any second doubts. I should have gone for it already.” _

_ “Nana, baby, sometimes we are not sure of what we want and it’s okay. You wanted to be sure with your decision. There are a lot of companies who would love to work with you, Nana.” Jeno caresses Jaemin’s back. _

_ “Let’s get some ice cream okay?” Jeno drags Jaemin to the nearest ice cream shop and orders his favorite flavor. He stares at Jaemin happily licking his ice cream. His worries are gone now.  _

_ Jeno whips out his phone and secretly types in his notes. _

**_Jaemin Notes (ALWAYS REMEMBER!)_ **

**_-When Jaemin is in a bad mood he bites his nails. Comfort him with ice cream and he’ll be happy._ **

_ Jeno stares at the other notes. _

_ -Jaemin hates strawberry _

_ -Jaemin hates it when you eat loudly. _

_ -Jaemin likes samoyeds.  _

_ -Jaemin gets shy when you kiss him randomly. His cheeks will turn pink. _

_ And a lot more. _

_ “Jeno what are you doing?” Jaemin peeks at Jeno’s phone but Jeno was quick to lock the note. Jaemin grabs Jeno’s phone and types Jeno’s password. He sees the note but it is locked. He tried several passwords but these didn’t match. _

_ Jaemin pouts at Jeno. _

_ “Unfair.” His pout is still evident. Jeno just smiles and gives Jaemin a peck on the pout. Jeno stares at Jaemin whose cheeks are now getting pink. _

“Do you talk shit about me on that note?” Jeno’s thoughts were caught off.

“You’re still very curious about it, Nana.” Jeno laughs and Jaemin glares at him. Jaemin faces his face forward. Jeno admires the beauty in front of him.

_ I shouldn’t have fucked up… I shouldn’t have lost you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin groans as his eyes are starting to close. He forces them open and types his work. It was day three for Jaemin. He hasn’t had any sleep, and rest at all. Si Woo didn’t do his part and Jaemin had to do everything single-handedly. Jaemin hates that he’s partner is a freeloader but rather getting mad he just worked instead. There was no time to sulk. The deadline is fast approaching. Jaemin did not have any time to sleep. The longest time he slept for the past three days is two hours. Jaemin sips his cup of coffee. He types louder. Sure he was mad but again no time so he pours his anger on the laptop.

“Nana..” A sleepy Renjun comes into his room.

“Was I too loud? Sorry… I was just mad.” He says. His eyes did not leave the laptop.

“Nana, it’s 4 am You need to go to sleep.” 

“Can’t. The deadline is later at 2 pm. I have to get this finished already so I can proofread it.” Renjun just sighs and leaves Jaemin as he goes to sleep.

Minutes.

Hours.

Passed.

Jaemin was still typing. He was 90 percent done. Just a little more. 

“Jaem, you’re still doing that?” Rejun brings toast and eggs to Jaemin and orange juice. He was fully dressed and ready to go to school already. He places the food on Jaemin’s bedside table.

“You need to rest. You look like a zombie.” Renjun says. He feeds some eggs to Jaemin. Jaemin just opens his mouth and chews but his focus is still on the laptop.

“Jaem, promise me that you’ll rest after that.” Jaemin just nods.

“You should let your partner pass that instead and you should just go home and go to sleep.” Jaemin thought Renjun’s idea was good. He can just give the papers to Si Woo so he can leave early and go to sleep.

“Yeah. I’ll do that.” Renjun leaves the room and goes to his class leaving Jaemin doing his work.

Again.

Minutes and hours passed. 

Jaemin was finally done. He stretches his arms and looks at the clock. 10 am. Jaemin sighs and quickly gets up. He has class. He got ready quickly and walked to his class. With Renjun’s, homemade coffee and cookie on his hand, and droopy eyes. Coffee was the only reason why Jaemin was awake but without it he might have slept the whole 24 hours.

Jaemin’s head bobs up and down during his classes. He tries to listen and widens his eyes to stay awake. As soon as their professor dismisses them Jaemin quickly goes out so he can give the project to Si Woo. He sees the latter on a bench near their room.

“Si Woo, here just pass it to Mr. Park. That’s good to go.” Jaemin hands Si Woo the usb in which the guy receives.

“How about you? Are you not gonna come with me?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow at this.

“Joke. Chill, bro. I’ll pass it to Mr. Park. Don’t worry. Gotta leave, gonna meet this chick first. It’ll be fast. ” He playfully pushes Jaemin. 

_ The audacity. _

Finally! Jaemin was finally going to rest. He decides to get some food first since he hasn’t had a proper meal in days.As soon as he gets his order he walks back to his and Renjun’s place. 

(Ding! Ding! Ding!)

**From: Si Woo (Classmate)**

**Jaemin… sorry I messed up our project.**

**I forgot to pass it to our professor. I tried to run**

**For him but he won’t accept it. He said he will give us a zero.**

Jaemin couldn’t believe his eyes. He spent days without sleeping just for that project! Si Woo who didn’t help him do the project and only job was to pass it fucked it up. 

“That fucking moron! How can he forget?! All he had to do was pass the usb and leave” Jaemin annoyingly presses his palms on his face.

Jaemin bites his fingernails as he sends an email to his professor begging him to accept their project. Saying he didn’t sleep to finish it and his predicaments regarding his partner. He anxiously closes his phone.

“I can’t get a zero.” Jaemin’s finger nail biting worsened. He was angry, devastated, and tired. Jaemin feels his eyes start to well up. He did his best to finish that project and he did it all alone. He didn’t get proper sleep or eaten a proper meal in days and he gets this news because of his stupid partner.

“Nana… here.” Jaemin sees an ice cream cone in front of him. He lifts his head to see

“Jeno…” Jeno removes Jaemin’s hands from his lips and places the ice cream in his hands.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Jamin shakes his head but the tears in his eyes keep falling.

“Come. You look so tired.” Jeno drags to the convenience store benches. Jeno opens the ice cream and lets Jaemin eat it. He watches Jaemin as he eats the ice cream sadly.

_ The ice cream trick didn’t work. _

“Jaem… C’mon tell me what’s wrong.” 

“I-it’s just that I’m so tired.”

“I did it all alone. Why did I have to be part of the fall?” 

“Everything’s so unfair to me Jeno.”

“I hate everything. I hate everything.”

Jeno caresses Jaemin’s back as the latter breaks down. He listens to everything that Jaemin says. It reminds him back the days when Jaemin would always tell him his sentiments. They would sit down in their room. Lying down beside each other. The dark envelopes them but it does not stop them to tell their problems to each other. They were not afraid to be true to each other.

Jeno sees Jaemin calm down. He looks at the bag that Jaemin is carrying and sees it was food. 

“Do you want to eat this?” Jeno asks and points at the bag Jaemin was carrying. In an attempt to distract the latter from his sadness.

_ “I want tteokbokki…”  _ Jaemin mumbles under his breath but Jeno was so attentive to Jaemin that he heard it.

“I’ll get you tteokbokki. Wait here.” Jeno quickly gets up and makes his way to the store to buy the snack. He also buys some milk, chocolates, and candies that could help lift Jaemin’s mood. 

As he finishes his purchases he quickly gets up to see the boy sleeping soundly. Jeno puts his stuff down and sits beside Jaemin. He sees Jaemin face directly on the table. He softly carries Jaemin’s head and places his arm so Jaemin can use it as a pillow.

_ Sweet dreams, Nana.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno just watches Jaemin sleeping soundly. He looks at how beautiful his lashes are, how luscious his lips and his face was very admirable. His hand was still on Jaemin’s face so he could use it as a pillow. It did hurt but it does not matter as long as Jaemin was comfortably sleeping. Several minutes of admiring Jaemin’s face. He saw how Jaemin started to move

Jaemin opens his eyes to see a smiling Jeno. He freaks out and backs away.

“You’re awake.” Jeno says. Jaemin sees it’s already dark outside.He checks his phone to see it’s 11 pm and sees some worried texts from Renjun. Renjun must have been worried sick knowing that Jaemin should have rested around 3-4 pm but Jaemin was not home until now and to add, Jaemin knows how Renjun can be when he’s worried.

“Shit. You should have woken me up, Jeno! Now, Renjun’s going to be worried!” Jaemin hurriedly grabs his stuff. Jeno just frowns.  _ Renjun huh… _

“Jaemin wait!” Jeno grabs Jaemin’s shoulders but he looks at him annoyed. 

“I don’t have time for this Jeno! Renjun is waiting for me.” Jaemin shows him a string of texts from “Injun my cutiepie” Jaemin grabs his bag and takes his leave

“W-wait!” Jeno tries to call him out but Jaemin is already running far. Jeno looks at the plastic bag on his hand.

“Your chocolates…” He says even though he knows Jaemin will never hear him.

And there he was. Left by Jaemin in the dark with an aching hand, chocolates, 

_ and a pain in his heart.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin was panting hard when he reached his and Renjun’s place. He enters to see Renjun inside walking back and forth.

“Jaemin! Thank goodness.” He runs to hug Jaemin. 

“I was worried sick, Nana. Where were you? Weren’t you supposed to rest?” Renjun’s questions were never ending. Jaemin smiles fondly at Renjun.

“I-i had issues with the project. Si Woo, that shit, didn’t pass our project on time to our prof. And when he rushed to pass it to the prof he won’t receive it. He said he’s going to give us a zero. Renjun, you know how hard I worked on that project. I can’t get a zero.” 

“What?! That bastard! I’m going to kill him!” Renjun was fuming. He can attest how hard Jaemin worked on that project. The proof is already right in front of him. Seeing how deep Jaemin’s eyebags are and how thin he became.

“I don’t know what to do, Jun. I sent him an email already telling him my predicaments. And I saw his message while I was scrolling to your line of messages you know what he replied? That I should have passed it myself. That I shouldn’t have been more incompetent. Jun, I’m not incompetent. I’m not…” Renjun’s heart aches for Jaemin.

“Who’s the prof?”

“Mr. Park.” Jaemin was beyond tired now. He feels like his energy is getting sucked out.

“Just rest for tomorrow, Nana. I’ll drop by your classroom tomorrow so I can get some notes from your classmates.” 

“I can’t, Jun. It will show how incompetent I am.” 

“Listen, Nana. You are not incompetent. You know who’s incompetent? That bastard, Si Woo. You worked hard on that project and that professor should have given you credit for that and not let some bastard drag you down. Just rest, Nana. Please? I’ll figure everything out tomorrow so don’t worry. Just rest.” Jaemin nods at Renjun and Renjun thanks all the heavens that he was able to convince Jaemin to rest.

“Did you eat?” Jaemin just shakes his head.

“I knew it. Just stay still I’ll heat these for you.” Renjun rushes to heat the food he left for Jaemin. He places it in the microwave as he gets a bowl for Jaemin’s rice. Jaemin just watches Renjun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Renjun walks to Jaemin’s classes. He asks for notes that could help Jaemin and his classmates were very much happy to give them. Thank goodness Renjun was cute. 

Now his last job was to meet Mr. Park and to ask consideration for Jaemin. Renjun scans the school directory to search for Jaemin’s teacher and where his office is located.

“3rd floor.” Renjun sighs. Jaemin had 3 classes today in which he missed and Renjun didn’t want Jaemin to miss anything or more like he knows Jaemin won’t rest if he’s going to miss some lectures so Renjun volunteers to do it for Jaemin so the guy could get some well-deserved rest. Renjun went up and down, left and right, and round and round the school campus today. He went to the fourth floor where his class is then he moves to get Jaemin’s notes on the 2nd floor left wing of the school then he--. For short, Renjun was exhausted from going up and down the school but he didn’t mind. In fact he was happy to do it for Jaemin. 

Renjun gathers his courage before he knocks. 

*Knock knock*

“Good afternoon. May I speak to Mr. Park?” Renjun greets Mr.Park’s secretary. She smiles warmly.

“Please take a seat. Mr. Park is talking to someone now.” She guides Renjun. Mr. Park’s office was small. It had a couch in which it can accommodate visitors, an area for his secretary, and a small room which Renjun assumes Mr. Park’s office. 

He can see two people talking in the room and Renjun can hear their conversation.

“You have to consider his project, sir. He worked hard for it. His partner didn’t even help him and he was kind hearted to not remove his name from the project and just let him pass the project as participation instead.” Renjun listens to the conversation.

“He should have passed it to me instead. This is college, boy. You cannot be careless.” 

“He was tired, sir. He worked on this project alone. His partner was not cooperative. I’ve known him for years and I know that he skipped sleeping and eating just so he can finish his project. So please consider it.” Renjun hears the professor sigh.

“Okay. I’ll consider it. Just tell him to email me his file.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Renjun hears that the person stands up and Renjun sees him.

“You’re next.” Renjun hears Mr. Park’s secretary.

“Nevermind, Ma’am.” He says as he drags the person out of the room. The guy tries to resist. Renjun stops his track.

“What do you think you are doing, Jeno?” Renjun grits his teeth. 

“Helping Jaemin.” Jeno just simply says.

“So what? So you can win him back? Jeno, knock some senses to your brain! Jaemin is still hurting because of what you did. He drinks like he’s an alcoholic. He has nightmares at night. And sometimes he would just break down! Your sweet gestures won’t heal the scars that you inflicted on him. And if I’d fight a man for Jaemin, I will. So back off, Jeno. Just back off!” Renjun explodes at Jeno. Jeno just stands there. There was no anger in his eyes. He doesn’t glare at Renjun like the usual.

“You think I don’t know that, Renjun? It hurts me too. It hurts me knowing that he’s like this and it’s all because of me. It hurts me realizing how much I fucked up everything Jaemin and I had. There is not a day I don’t regret what I did, Renjun. Not a day. Don’t think of this as my way of getting back with Jaemin. Think of this as me getting back for my sins to Jaemin.”

“You don’t have to tell him what I did. I did it not because I want him back. _ I did it because it’s Jaemin. I did it because he will be my forever love, Renjun”  _

Jeno pats Renjun’s back and leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

It was another day for Jaemin. He feels fully refreshed and energized finally. He didn’t even have the time to party last weekend because he rested. His prof accepted his work miraculously. Thanks to Renjun’s help. Jaemin was pretty sure it was because Renjun talked to his prof. He was very thankful that he bought ice cream and cuddled Renjun the whole night. 

***Ding! Ding! Ding!***

**From: Injunnie my cutiepie**

**Where the hell are you?**

**You’re late!**

**The prof is here! Hurry!**

**Hey!**

**Jaemin:**

**Got coffee hehe sorry**

**I’m on my way.**

Jaemin hurries to his and Renjun’s class with a cup of coffee in his hand. He walked so fast that some of the coffee spilled on his jeans.

“Oh shit.” He tried to scrub the wet spot off but it needed more than that. Jaemin decides to go to the bathroom. He dries the spot with the hand dryer and thank goodness it was removed. Jaemin was about to go out when he sees Jeno and Haechan outside. He enters a cubicle immediately. He hears footsteps enter the bathroom. Jaemin covers his mouth.

“Jeno! I have been messaging you all weekend. I’ve been looking for you all around. Where were you?” Jaemin hears.

His chest tightens. Questions swim in his mind. 

“Donghyuck.” It was Jeno’s voice this time.

“What? Why did you call me, Donghyuck?” Jaemin can hear that his voice was nervous.

“I was avoiding you.” 

“W-what? W-why? Did I do something? I’m sorry. I’m not a bad person, Jeno. I’m not bad. You believe me right?” Jaemin just sits there listening to their conversation. Jaemin does not know how he got stuck in this situation. And why of all places why did both of them come here?

“Donghyuck… please stop doing that. You are a good person. But I really need space away from you.”

“J-jeno why?”

“Because...I just can’t.”

“Jeno, you have to tell me a reason. Don’t be unfair to me. Is it because I nag? I’m sorry I won’t do it anymore.”

“No… it’s not that.”

“Then tell me Jeno, please because I can’t stand losing you too. I’ve lost one then another then another. You’re all I have right now. Please don’t leave me.” Jaemin hears Jeno breathe heavily.

“Haechan… you’re a dear friend to me. But you know what we did. True, we were each other's support system when Jaemin left but… the issue still prevails. What we did, Haechan, I just want to forget but I really can’t when we’re always together every time. It just reminds me of our selfish act. That we both lost Jaemin because we were selfish.”

“But you’re all I have now… Jeno don’t leave me please.” 

“Haechan, you’re a nice person. People will love you. You need to find new friends. You need someone right now who can help and be with you as you heal your wounds and I’m really sorry because I can’t be that person… we’re both suffering the same wounds. Haechan-ah, sorry. I’m really sorry.” 

Jaemin hears Jeno walk away. He stays still so he can hear any sound from Haechan. He hears the other cubicle open and slammed shut. Slowly by slowly he hears muffled sobs. And Jaemin.. Jaemin couldn’t stand it. He gets his handkerchief from his pocket and passes it under the cubicle.

It was heavy for him to hear. It was heavy for him to bear.

“H-huh?” He hears Haechan.

Jaemin just pushes the handkerchief again to the cubicle. He didn’t have the voice to talk. 

“T-thank you.” Jaemin quickly leaves as he walks to his class.

He didn’t know why he did that. He does not know what to feel after hearing what happened. Jaemin decides to act like it never happened. Act like you didn’t hear anything. Bury it in your head.

  
  


That was the best decision for this…  _ right?  _

He tries to think but his mind seems to be not working. At this point, he does not even know what he wants. He just wants to leave and never return again. 

_ I can’t wait to graduate and leave. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin arrives in the room. He quickly makes his way to Renjun. He sees Jeno sitting a few seats away from him. He sees Jeno look at him. Jaemin avoids eye contact. Like he does not exist. Like Jeno does not exist.

Jaemin’s mind was hazy. But he knows his hatred for Jeno intensifies.

True, Jaemin feels uncomfortable when he sees both of them but after hearing Haechan and Jeno’s conversation he does not know what to feel. All he knows is he’s mad.

_ Should have avoided them from the start.  _

Jaemin thinks to himself. Their situation is getting more and more complicated. And Jaemin feels like he’s stuck in a situation that he shouldn’t have been in. Jaemin feels it’s unfair because both Jeno and Haechan have issues and Jaemin seems to be stuck in the middle of that no matter what.

Jaemin thinks of happy thoughts as he can. He tries to imagine how happy he was but all he remembers are his happy moments when Nana, Nono, and Hyuckie bond was still tight. Jaemin hasn’t laughed genuinely or felt so happy since the break-up. 

Jaemin forgot the feeling of being happy.

“Nana, are you okay?” Jaemin’s lines of thought were cut.

“Yeah.” He smiles at Renjun.

And finally, Jaemin knows why he’s never happy. All he does is mask his feelings and act everything's alright even if he feels like exploding, when he knows that he can trust some people especially his best friend, Renjun. Jaemin feels that it was because of him. It was because something’s wrong with him. His trust is shattered and all over the place. 

Jaemin feels that it was a scar. It stays there. 

_ And the sad part is it never heals.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Renjun sees that it’s starting to rain. He’s still in class in Jaemin and he sees the latter just watching the droplets fall from the window.

“Nana, are you okay?” 

“Yeah.” He receives a smile from Jaemin and Renjun knows that he is clearly not. Renjun knows how Jaemin is. It’s like he has a doctorate from reading Jaemin. He just nods as he knows that Jaemin does not want to talk about it. 

A little while, Renjun sees Donghyuck enter the room. He sees his reddish eyes and nose.

_ Did he cry? _

Renjun tries to shove off the idea. 

_ I miss him…. _

He tries to look at Jaemin who looks at the boy who just entered. 

_ No. He hurt Jaemin. _

He tries to look at the tanned boy again. Their eyes met and…  _ Renjun just wants to hug him. _

Renjun snaps his head forward and places an arm on Jaemin. 

“Junnie… Are you okay?” 

“Yeah.” It was now Renjun’s turn to lie. 

“Renjun, remember when I said I’ll always choose you?” Renjun feels the sincerity in Jaemin’s voice which makes him guilty.

“Yeah. And I’ll always choose you too, Jaem. Always.” Renjun squeezes Jaemin’s shoulder but there is something that Renjun couldn’t read in Jaemin’s eyes. 

“Class dismissed.” Everyone immediately gets their stuff so they can leave/

“Let’s go?” Renjun asks Jaemin.

“Sorry, Junnie. You can go first. I need to go to a meeting.” Jaemin says apologetically.

“It’s fine. See you at home then? Did you bring your umbrella? It’s pouring outside.” Jaemin smiles at Renjun and nods.

“Yes mom. Did you bring yours?” 

“Yup.” Renjun opens his bag to take out the umbrella. 

“Okay. I’ll get going now.” Jaemin walks and Renjun just waves his hand. Renjun grabs his stuff so he can get going. As he makes his way he can see the heavy pouring outside.

“It’s raining hard.” He mumbles to himself. He walked to the exit and as he was opening his umbrella. He sees Donghyuck.

Renjun pauses as he watches the latter’s actions. He was absent-mindedly walking. His hair starting to get wet. Renjun sees his eyes are still puffy.

Renjun breathes deep and walks to his way. He hands his umbrella to the tanned boy and quickly runs away.

“RENJUN!” He hears him call his name.

“Please talk to me….” 

“Please talk to me. I’m not a bad person, Renjun. Please”

_ Renjun. Don’t stop. Don’t stop. _

“Renjun… y-you believe me right? P-please talk to me.” Renjun hears the crack in his voice.

Renjun stops his tracks. 

_ “I’ll always choose you, Injun.”  _ Jaemin’s voice echoed into Renjun’s mind. 

_ “I’ll always choose you, Injun.” _

_ “I’ll always choose you, Injun.” _

Renjun tries to swallow the lump in his throat and faces Donghyuck. He can feel his heart getting heavy seeing the sight of the tanned boy with red eyes and his hair wet. He looks miserable. Renjun gathers all his energy to say the words he needed to say.

_ And I’ll always choose you, Jaemin. No matter what… even if it means that I have to forget the man that I love. _

“No, Donghyuck or Haechan. I will not talk to you. You hurt my best friend. Please stop chasing me. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to be your friend. Damn, I don’t even want to be associated with you. Stay away from me.” 

Renjun says these words even though he knows it can hurt Donghyuck. Renjun was hurt with his own words. But he knows what he needs to do.

“B-but I thought you like me, Renjun. I like you, Renjun. Please don’t do this to me.”

Renjun should be happy that he received a confession from the man he loves right? But why does it feel like his words are sharp knives even if they should be covered in honey? It’s love? How can love be so painful?

Renjun turns his back from Donghyuck. He tries to drag his feet off the cold cement as he feels his tears fall. Renjun does not mind the rain as he continues to walk. In Fact he was thankful for it. His tears were masked as raindrops.

Just like the weather his feelings were dark and cloudy.

_ And not far away, Jaemin watches the scene with a heavy heart. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno clutches his umbrella in his hand as he sees Jaemin standing and looking from afar. Jeno knows Jaemin like he knows himself and he knows that Jaemin didn’t bring an umbrella. It’s always been a habit of Jeno to bring two umbrellas ever since. One for him, and one for Jaemin. Even after the break-up he’d still bring two. In case, Jaemin needs it even if Jeno knows that he wouldn’t ever see Jaemin again.

Jeno walks forward to Jaemin and taps his shoulder. Jaemin turns his back and looks at Jeno then faces his head forward again. Acting like no one tapped his shoulder or he does not see Jeno at all.

Jeno gathers all his strength and courage to talk to Jaemin. The least that he’d want is Jaemin getting sick.

“Nana, take this.” He takes the umbrella in Jaemin’s hands but Jaemin just moves his hands to avoid it. 

“H-hey Nana.” He attempts to give the umbrella to Jaemin but Jaemin avoids it again. Jeno sighs.

“Nana… talk to me. What’s wrong?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow at Jeno.

“Don’t talk to me, Jeno.” He says firmly.

“But nana…”

“...I just want to give you this umbrella. I don’t want you sick.” Concern in his voice showing.

“Nana…” Jaemin acts like Jeno does not exist at all. Jeno stands there waiting for Jaemin to take the umbrella when he hears his phone ring. 

**“Hello?”** Jaemin hears a woman’s voice on the other line. His jaw clenches. Jeno sees this and he quickly shows Jaemin the screen.

_ Mom  _ is written on the screen. Jaemin rolls his eyes. 

“I don’t care” he mouths to Jeno

**“Uh yeah. How are you mom?”** Jaemin just stands there waiting for the rain to stop pouring so he can leave immediately.

**“Yeah. He’s… here with me. Why?”** Jeno looks at Jaemin as he says these words. Jaemin flinches. He snaps his head at Jeno.

**_“I miss Nana, baby. I haven’t talked to him for a while already. You always say he’s not with you. Are you hiding your boyfriend from me, Lee Jeno?”_ ** Jaemin can hear Jeno’s mom’s voice. 

_ Yeah. I didn’t tell them we broke up. _

Jaemin thinks. Everyone in their family still thinks they are dating when in fact it’s been a year they’ve already broken up. 

**_“Pass Jaemin the phone, Jeno”_ ** Jeno looks at Jaemin and places the phone back in his ear.

**“He’s busy, mom. He’s uh… writing his paper. Yeah… pap--”** Jeno was cut off as Jaemin gets his phone.

**“Hi mom!”** Jaemin says with a fake happy tone. Jeno just looks at him as he talks to his mom on the phone.

**_“My Nana! My baby’s Nana! I missed you, sweetie. You’ve been so busy or is Jeno just hiding you from me? Let’s shop!”_ ** Jaemin licks his dry mouth and takes a deep breath as he indulges his happy tone again.

**“I miss you too, Mom. I’ve been swamped with work. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up when I have free time.”**

“Nana, you don’t have to talk to my mom.” Jeno whispers at Jaemin’s other ear.Jaemin just moves his face away from Jeno.

**_“Woops. We’re going to have a family gathering next week. Everyone’s coming. Your parents and Hyuckie’s parents. Doyoung said he’s announcing something important. You should come. Hyuckie is coming and I’m still forcing your brat boyfriend. Please change his mind, Nana. This is really something important to Doyoung. Your brother, Jaehyun, said it’s really important for both of them. So I think you guys shouldn’t miss it.”_ **

Jeno tries to grab his phone from Jaemin. 

**“We’re both swamped in work, Mom. Sorry”** Jeno quickly dismisses his mom’s invitation. He knows Jaemin doesn’t want to go.

**_“Really? That’s…”_ **

**“We’ll come. See you, Mom. I gotta go now I have to finish my paper.”** Jeno looks at Jaemin questioningly. 

**_“Yay. You’re the best, Jaemin. Love you! Don’t forget to rest son-in-law.”_ ** She quickly ends the call without even saying goodbye to Jeno. 

“Why did you say that?” Jeno asks Jaemin.

“Because she’s your mom.” Jaemin just simply says. Jeno does not know what this means so he asks Jaemin again.

“What do you mean by that?” 

“I don’t want some drama around my parents and yours Jeno. Sooner or later they’ll know anyway since I’m leaving the country. We can just say LDR didn’t work for us.” Jaemin shrugs his shoulders as he says these words. It didn’t sit well with Jeno.

“Jaemin… do you already see an end to us?” Jaemin chuckles at Jeno’s question.

“We ended a year ago Jeno.” Blank words came from Jaemin’s mouth.

“For me, Jaemin I still see a future with you. Jaemin, I’ve tried my hardest to change. I’ve tried everything that I can do so I can be better. And all of this Jaemin is because of you. You are the only reason Jaemin.”

Jeno just watches Jaemin checking the weather outside. It was like he was talking to a wall.

“Jaemin… do I don’t have another chance?” The silence driving Jeno crazy. 

Jaemin sees the rain stop pouring. He takes his walk away from the place and leaves Jeno. 

_ another chance to hurt me again? another chance to fool me again? because that will never happen Jeno. Never. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Another day passed and Jeno just stares at the blank ceiling above him. He has another class with Jaemin today and Jeno feels his heart thump louder, his hands getting clammy, and his cheeks getting red.

__

Jeno tried to talk to Jaemin. Apologized to him and begged him for another chance but talking to Jaemin was like talking to a brick wall. It was far from the Jaemin that Jeno used to know and Jeno knows that it was because of what he did. He really can’t blame Jaemin for what he did.

__

He stares at the frame beside his bed. It was a polaroid photo of him and Jaemin. With a very important caption on the white part of the polaroid.

_ It’s been months since Jeno confessed his feelings to Jaemin but he didn’t want to rush Jaemin seeing that he had a lot of priorities. Jaemin was the student council president, he was head of his organization, he was a junior ambassador, and a lot more. Jeno didn’t want to compete with Jaemin’s priorities so he told Jaemin that he would wait for him no matter what.  _

_ Jeno sits in the crowd as he sees Jaemin in front competing for debate. For the past months, Jaemin has been competing in multiple debates. And without any doubt, Jeno knew he would win those competitions. His reason? Simply because it’s Jaemin. And Jeno was right. Seeing how Jaemin would win each competition in each school and right now Jaemin stands before him as he competes for global competition which was held in the country.  _

_ Jeno’s eyes sparkle as he watches Jaemin debating in front. He was so elegant and precise with his points that everyone was silent and focused on Jaemin and Jaemin only.  _

_ “It’s a clear win. Nana will win this. I’m sure” Jeno says in his mind as Jaemin takes his seat on the contestants table. His eyes meet with Jeno’s and Jaemin gives him a wink. Jeno feels his blood rushing to his cheeks. _

_ “Stupid, Jeno. Can’t even cheer Nana because I’m too shy to face him” He says again in his mind.  _

_ The other contestants debated and debated but Jeno didn’t care for them. He was here for Jaemin and Jaemin only. So if it’s not Jaemin speaking then IDC. _

_ Hour passed and the announcement of winners is finally going to happen. Jeno closes his eyes and crosses his fingers. If anyone were to look at him they’d feel like he was the one competing instead of Jaemin. Jeno hears the drum roll as the best debater is being announced. His heart thumped like the drums _

_ “The best debater goes to……” _

_ “Na Jaemin. Na Jaemin. Na Jaemin.” He chanted in his mind. His eyes still closed and his fingers still crossed. _

_ “Na Jaemin!” Jeno stands up as he hears Jaemin’s name. It was like his own victory. Jeno’s eyes find Jaemin immediately and he sees Jaemin on the stage as he claims his medal. A huge smile on his face and Jeno feels the world moving slowly as the confetti falls down.  _

_ It was a Nomin world for him. Nobody exists just them. He smiles as he feels tears starting to well up in his eyes. _

_ As the ceremony ended, Jeno quickly finds Jaemin so he can congratulate him and hug him.His eyes finally finds Jaemin near the stage. He quickly makes his way to Jaemin as he nears the latter he is pushed by a crowd approaching Jaemin. _

_ “Watch it, boy! We’re going to interview the star Jaemin.” He hears a guy say as he feels the crowd pushing him further in further away from Jaemin. _

_ In the end, Jeno stands at the back of the crowd, as people crowd Jaemin wanting to talk to him. Wanting to be part of his success. Wanting to be with him. And Jeno just stands there watching Jaemin. _

_ Jeno thinks Jaemin is like a star. So pretty. _

_ Jeno waits for the crowd to perish so he can finally congratulate Jaemin. He stands as dozens of people go to Jaemin’s waiting room. Ofcourse, everyone wanted to talk to Jaemin. It was a big day for him. So he waits. _

_ 6 pm _

_ 7 pm _

_ 8 pm _

_ He hears his stomach grumble. _

_ I’ll wait for Nana. Maybe he wants to eat somewhere nice because it was a big day for him. Besides, Jeno reserved the fanciest restaurant that he could ever think of. All because he wants the best for his Nana. He fishes out his phone to message the latter. _

_ “Nana, where do you wanna eat? Let’s eat at that fancy restaurant that you wanted!” _

_ 9 pm _

_ 10 pm _

_ 11 pm _

_ There must be a lot of people wanting to talk to Jaemin. He must be tired and hungry. Jeno walks his way to Jaemin’s waiting room just to be blocked by a guard. _

_ “Where are you going, sir?”  _

_ “Oh.. uhmm. My friend’s waiting room is here.” The guard just looks at him. _

_ “Na Jaemin…” Jeno continues. _

_ “Oh him. Mr. Bigshot! He left at around 7 pm. There were a lot of reporters wanting to talk to him so I heard they took him to dinner. Tell him congrats!” The guard pats Jeno’s back and leaves. Jeno just stands there. He quickly fishes his phone to see no message from Jaemin. _

_ Jeno grabs his keys and goes directly to his car to see a bouquet of flowers on the passenger seat. It was what he prepared for Jaemin because he knows that he will win. He was planning to give it to him when they were going to eat dinner. Sharing happiness because of Jaemin’s success. _

_ Jeno sits in his car as he sees the night is dark. The moon was so bright and the stars were twinkling prettily.  _

  
  


_ Jeno thinks that Jaemin is a star. So pretty to look at but it’s something that you cannot reach.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

_ *diing _

_ From Nanabear: _

_ Jeno, sorry I forgot you came. _

_ A lot of people came swamping me that it slipped _

_ On my mind. Where are you? Meet me at the swings _

_ I have something to tell you. _

_ From:Jeno _

_ It’s okay, Nana. I went home anyway since _

_ There were a lot of people. Okay, I’ll meet you there. _

_ Congratulations, Nana. Love you. _

_ Jeno locks his phone and drives to the playground near their house. He sees Jaemin sitting on one of the swings already wearing his pajamas. Jeno gets the bouquet out of his car and makes his way to Jaemin. _

_ “Hey...congrats.” Jeno says as he sits on the other swing. He hands Jaemin the bouquet. _

_ “You were at home but you’re well-dressed?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow. _

_ “Just went to grab something somewhere.” He defends himself. Silence follows after. Jeno sees Jaemin playing with his hands. _

_ “You did well today..” he tries to continue as he sees an awkward silence between him and Jaemin right now. _

_ “Thank you… Nono, do you wanna take a photo with me?” Jaemin lifts a polaroid camera and Jeno just smiles as he sees how cute Jaemin is. _

_ “Of course baby.” Jeno can see Jaemin getting more and more antsy and Jeno does not know what that means. _

_ “You hold the camera and I’ll pose beside you.” Jaemin hands Jeno the camera. Jeno stretches out his arm so that he and Jaemin can fit on the frame. Jeno feels his heart beat louder as he feels Jaemin’’s face near him. _

_ “Count 1 to 3 okay?” Jaemin tells him. Jeno just nods. _

_ “1..2..3” Jeno clicks the button and at the same time he feels soft lips on his cheeks. Jeno’s eyes widened. The photo comes out of the polaroid and Jaemin immediately grabs it and takes out a black marker. Jaemin writes something but Jeno is left so stunned that he stands on the same spot with his hand on his cheek. _

_ “Hey.. here look at the photo. We look cute.” Jaemin hands Jeno the polaroid photo. Pretty handwriting can be seen. _

_ Jeno looks at the photo but he feels his cheeks getting hotter and hotter. He hides his face with his hands. _

_ “Wait, Nana… Wait. I don’t think my heart can handle what you did.” Jaemin grins wider at him. _

_ “Look at the photo, Jeno. We look cute.” Jaemin repeats. Jeno takes the polaroid photo from Jaemin again. He sees the black letter clearly. _

_ “Officially boyfriends…” Jeno reads _

_ Officially boyfriends.. _

_ Officially boyfriends _

_ BOYFRIENDS? _

_ Jeno’s eyes widen and he looks at Jaemin. Jaemin just nods. _

_ “Whaa-- what-- you-- what? Mean?” Jaemin just laughs at Jeno’s gibberish. _

_ “Yup. You don’t need to wait anymore. Let’s be boyfriends.” Jaemin caresses Jeno’s red cheeks.  _

_ Jeno takes Jaemin’s hand and pulls the latter closer. Inch by inch. Slowly by slowly. Their faces moved and with a beautiful spark their lips touched.  _

_ It was beautiful. The cold breeze hugging them, the moon shining beautifully, and most of all Jeno’s star was here.  _

_ The star may be out of reach but I’ll do more to be able to reach that star.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

It was class again. Jaemin sits beside Renjun as they listened to a new task that their prof assigned them

“You guys are going to choose a partner where you’re gonna swap partners for tomorrow’s activity. Please write these four names on a piece of paper and pass it to me.” 

“Do you wanna be partners with me?” Renjun asks Jaemin. Renjun sees Jaemin thinking deeply but he reluctantly nods his head.

Jaemin really does want Renjun to be his partner without a doubt but there is just something about Jeno and Haechan being partners that does not sit well with Jaemin.

“Are you sure?” Renjun asks him again.

“Yup, Junnie.” He says even though it was against his will. 

“We’ll swap with Jaemin.” He hears Renjun say to Haechan. Renjun didn’t even spare a glance at Haechan.

Jaemin sees Haechan wanting to say something but he just hangs his head low. Renjun passes the paper to their professor.

“Four of you?” The professor points to Jaemin, Renjun, Haechan and Jeno. They all just nod.

“Okay you and you are partners. You and you.” He points at Renjun and Jeno, then Jaemin and Haechan

“W-what do you mean, sir?” Renjun asks.

“What do you mean “What do you mean?”, Mr. Huang?” He asks and raises an eyebrow to Renjun.

“I thought we were the ones to pick our partners.” 

“No. I said pick a set of partners where you’ll swap partners with. I didn’t say you can choose who you’ll partner with.” The professor clarifies.

And it was like the first time. It left everyone dumbstruck again.

“Take your seats. I will announce my next set of instructions.” The four boys walked back to their seats.

“Can’t believe this shit!” Renjun grits his teeth.

“Watch your mouth, Huang. I’d rather die than be partners with you..” Jeno says.

“Oh really? Why don’t you do it?” Renjun levels his gaze with Jeno.

“Stop it you two!” Jaemin calls them out and they both backed out. 

“Nana, sorry. I didn’t mean to. I did it again. I keep giving you bad luck.” Renjun says apologetically at Jaemin.

Jaemin just nods at him. He does not know what to say. After hearing the professor's next instructions they were asked to meet with their swapped partners but before that, Jaemin grabs Jeno which shocked the latter.

“Do me a favor and don’t fight with Renjun.” Jeno just sighs 

“Okay.. for you.” Jaemin quickly makes his way to Haechan. He sits beside him but he does not look at him.

“Jaemin… where do you want to do it?” Haechan started the conversation.

“At a cafe.” Jaemin picks up his phone and busies himself with it.

“Okay…” 

They sat there awkwardly. With Jaemin playing with his phone and Haechan writing notes. Jaemin can see in his peripheral vision that Haechan was applying some sticky notes on his notebook. In a little while, Haechan tries to tap Jaemin’s shoulder but backs out then tries to then backs out again.

Jaemin unconsciously raised an eyebrow. 

“Uhh-- Nan-- Jaemin.. Can-- can we do it at my place instead?” Jaemin looks at him as he says this. He sees the beads of sweat forming in Haechan’s forehead despite being in an airconditioned room.

“Why?” 

“I’m getting something delivered at my place tomorrow… and I have to sign the papers b-but it’s okay if you do not want to.” 

Jaemin tries to think but nods in the end.

“R-really? I’ll cook your favourite food! Don’t worry. See you tomorrow.” Haechan quickly gathers his bag and leaves the room. As they were already dismissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Haechan checks his apartment again. It was a good thing that he didn’t have class today so he dedicated cleaning and cooking for Jaemin today.

Jaemin said he’ll got his address from Renjun and said he has class until 12:00 so Haechan is sure that he is hungry by that time because it’s lunch. Haechan made sure his apartment was spotless and clean.

It was 11:00 now and Haechan was busy cooking Jaemin’s favorite dishes. Made sure there was enough rice and even made hand-pressed fresh orange juice. Adrenaline was pumping in his system. This one was a limited chance that he can be with Jaemin and Haechan. It sounds selfish but when Haechan heard they were partners his heart jumped. He can’t deny it. He was happy to be with Jaemin.

He was busy day dreaming that he didn’t notice that the knife was close to his finger while he was cutting vegetables. 

“Ouch!” His finger bled and Haechan quickly makes his way to find his first aid kit and looks for a band aid.

“Hurry hurry! Jaemin is gonna be here soon” He says to himself and quickly wraps his finger. He rushes back to the kitchen to continue cooking. 

Hyuck placed the dishes on the table and decorated them He even made an effort to plate the dishes. He prepared the finest utensils that he has. 

He looks at the table one more time to see what’s missing. 

“Orange juice!” He said as he places the pitcher of hand pressed orange juice on the table and puts ice cubes on the cup Jaemin is going to use.

He rechecks the dishes again. _ Jaemin’s favorite. Check.  _

The plates and utensils are the finest that he could ever have.  _ Check _

Clean apartment?  _ Check! _

It was 11:50 now and Haechan sits on his sofa tired from the chores. Any minute Jaemin is going to come in. 

1:00

2:00

“He must be stuck in traffic.” Haechan convinces himself.

3:00

4:00

He patiently waits for Jaemin, his eyes not leaving the door. Any minute Jaemin is going to knock now.

5:00

6:00

Haechan made sure to check what’s missing but he did not check whether Jaemin was really going to come. How stupid can he be? Jaemin wouldn’t ever want to hang out with a monster like him.

Words start to spiral on Donghyuck’s mind.

_ Jaemin will never come to an asshole like you. _

_ No one likes you. _

_ You are a worthless piece of shit no one likes you. _

_ Jaemin hates you. _

_ Jaemin hates you. _

_ Jaemin hates you. _

“N-no he doesn’t” he bites his lips as his tears start to fall.

_ Jaemin hates you. _

_ Jaemin hates you. _

_ Jaemin hates you. _

“No he doesn’t.” He tries to sound firm answering the voices in his mind.

_ Jaemin hates you _

_ Jaemin hates you _

_ Jaemin hates you. _

_ JAEMIN HATES YOU _

_ JAEMIN HATES YOU. _

“NO HE DOESN’T!!!!” He screams to the voices that he can hear. His cries getting louder and louder. As he curls himself on the floor near the entrance

_ Jaemin hates me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin walks slowly to Donghyuck’s apartment. He did plan to ditch him but his conscience couldn’t handle it. Jaemin was not that kind of person. Besides, it was only for school-related activity right? Jaemin should focus on that instead. It was already 6:13 on Jaemin’s wristwatch. He was six hours late.

He checks his phone for the address that Renjun sent him. It was a different address from where the latter lived before.

When he arrives Jaemin takes a deep breath. 

As he was about to knock he heard the screams inside. It was like an instinct to Jaemin as he punched the old passcode that Donghyuck uses and luckily it was still the same. It was still their friendversary.

Jaemin gets greeted by Donghyuck on the floor and some shattered glass around him. His hands were bleeding. Jaemin just stands still not knowing what to do.

“J-jaemin...jaemin hates me.” Donghyuck says repeatedly.

Jaemin comes closer to the boy and picks up the shards of glass around him.Donghyuck was still curled into a ball. The pieces of glass surrounding him.

“D-donghyuck, get up.” He tries to pick the latter up but Jaemin is too scared that he might let go of him and his body will fall to the broken glass around.

“H-hey get up.” Jaemin sees some glass near Donghyuck’s face. He examines the latter’s face and sees that there is some blood near his eyebrows.

Jaemin panicked. He quickly removes all the shards around Donghyuck barehanded. Not minding whether he gets bruised or not. When he finishes he quickly finds a trash can to throw the broken glass.

“H-hey Donghyuck. Get up.” He pulls the latter again but the latter just lays down with tears in his eyes repeating the same mantra.

_ Jaemin hates me _

“H-hey…” Jaemin bites his lower lip.

_ Jaemin hates me _

“G-get up, Donghyuck.” Jaemin makes an effort to carry the latter in which he successfully did.

__

He places him on the sofa while Jaemin looks for the first aid kit around his house. Luckily, he quickly sees this. He opens it to get some cotton and betadine.

__

“H-hey face me.” Jaemin can’t seem to talk straight and think straight ever since he entered Donghyuck’s apartment. He bites his lip to suppress himself from crying. Donghyuck was repeating the same mantra with blank eyes. And Jaemin couldn’t take it as he hears his name all over and over again.

__

“H-hyuckie… what are you doing to yourself?” He asks Donghyuck but Donghyuck was far from it. His eyes were still blank.

__

Jaemin holds Donghyuck’s face and places the cotton ball with betadine on Donghyuck’s eyebrow. He softly checks whether there is glass on his face as he softly places a cotton ball on Donghyuck’s bruised eyebrow.

__

_ Jaemin hates me. _

_ Jaemin hates me. _

_ Jaemin hates me. _

__

Jaemin swallows the saliva forming in his mouth as he feels heavy. His eyes turn red from holding his tears back. 

__

And Jaemin was at it. 

He was at his limit of acting tough. 

He was at his limit of acting like he doesn’t care. 

__

“H-hey. I-i don’t hate you, Hyuckie.” He hugs Donghyuck as tight as he can and Jaemin feels the latter melt softly into his embrace.

__

“R-really?” He can feel the wet patch on his shirt.

__

“Y-yeah. Why do you think I would be doing this?”

__

“I-i love you Nana..” He hugs Jaemin back as if his life depended on it.

__

Minutes passed and they stayed together like that. 

__

_ And Jaemin felt like it was home. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

“H-huh? Jaemin? What happened?” Donghyuck asks him confusedly. His eyes did not believe what was happening. It was like a snap that brings Donghyuck back to reality.

_ Jaemin was hugging him.  _

“Does this always happen to you?” Donghyuck turns his face away from Jaemin.

“N-no.” Liar. Jaemin thinks.

The eerie silence follows them next. They were still hugging and Donghyuck is not complaining at all but he does not know why Jaemin was still hugging him.

“Jaemin… you don’t have to force yourself to hug me. You can let go now.” Donghyuck says but it was like a whisper.

He does not want to let go of Jaemin. He really does not. He could smell Jaemin’s perfume and it was still the same. It still smells like vanilla. 

Jaemin was still silent. Like he was in deep thought. 

Donghyuck slowly slides away from Jaemin’s grasp

“You don’t have to hug me, Jaemin. I’m dirty.” Jaemin just looks at him, his deep thoughts still apparent in his eyes.

**_“For today… let’s act like we’re okay.”_ ** Jaemin proposes to Donghyuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Donghyuck listens as the word falls out of Jaemin’s tongue. He feels like he was dreaming. He blinked twice to see whether the Jaemin in front of him was real and not a hallucination but Jaemin was still there. He was real.

__

Donghyuck nods. Who was he to say no for a golden opportunity? Jaemin bites his lips when he sees Donghyuck nod. Was he making a mistake? He does not know. As his walls crumbled down Jaemin was still Jaemin. He was still weak for the people he loves.

__

Jaemin gets up and smiles at Donghyuck. Donghyuck smiles back. Their smiles are full of longing.

__

“I prepared food for you…” Donghyuck assists Jaemin to the kitchen where he prepares a feast for him. He pulls a chair to the assigned seat where he prepares Jaemin’s beautiful china and utensils.

__

“You cooked them all?” Jaemin looks at the different dishes placed in front of him. It was all his favorite food. He feels guilty for almost bailing out. He takes his spoon to the chicken soup that Donghyuck prepared and places it on his lips but Donghyuck grabs his hands.

__

“L-let me heat them up first.” He says. Jaemin softly removes Donghyuck’s hands from his.

__

“Hyuckie, you do not have too. I’ll enjoy the meal.” He grins and places the different dishes on his plate. Jaemin starts to eat what he placed on his plate and the different flavours explode on his mouth despite the food being cold he doesn’t mind at all. He really missed this.

__

Donghyuck just stares at Jaemin as he shoves the food in his mouth. Unknowingly, a smile spreads on his face. This was his favorite expression of Jaemin. When he sees Jaemin eating well he closes his eyes as he tastes the different dishes. The “mmmm”s and “wow”s that slip from his mouth occasionally.

__

“Is it good?” Donghyuck was still awkward. He was still talking nervously around Jaemin. Jaemin grins and nods back at him like a kid. 

__

“Here get some juice.” Donghyuck pours the orange juice on Jaemin’s cup. Jaemin happily drinks it. He just stares at Jaemin happily munching on his food when he hears his own stomach grumble.

__

Jaemin laughs at him.

__

“You should eat too” Jaemin places food on Donghyuck’s plate. And suddenly it felt like deja vu. Just like the old times where Jaemin would place food on Donghyuck’s plate as they would eat.

__

Donghyuck realizes that he should accept this moment and lay ease already. He looks at Jaemin as he places chicken on his plate.

__

“I miss you, Nana.” Jaemin just smiles at him and continues to place food and some more rice on his plate.

__

Donghyuck starts to dig on the food ignoring how his fingers hurt from the cuts that were made a while ago.

__

“How are you?” He tries to do small talk to remove the awkwardness.

__

“Hmm. a little stressed. Not even icecream can help me right now. How about you?” Jaemin looks at him while he munches on his food.

__

“I honestly don’t know. Haha.” He tries to laugh it off but Jaemin looks at him with something he can’t explain.

__

“I see.” The silence once envelopes them. 

__

“What do you want to do after?” Jaemin breaks the silence.

__

“Let’s do the activity first… then I wanna cuddle would you.” Donghyuck searches for any disgust on Jaemin’s face but he sees the latter smile at him and nod.

__

“That’s good.” They both went back to eating and as they finished they directly went to do their activity.

__

“Do you know what the activity is about?” Jaemin asks Donghyuck as they settle back on the sofa in the living room. Donghyuck shakes his head and whips his phone out.

__

“It says that we should create a mini project that talks about our partners. He gave us a list of guidelines…” Donghyuck swallows after.

__

Donghyuck is going to talk about Renjun and Jaemin was going to talk about  _ Jeno. _

__

Jaemin pauses. He looks at Donghyuck. He was looking at Jaemin in a sad gaze which confirms what he said was true.

__

Jaemin was going to talk about Jeno to Donghyuck. He feels his heart is being wrenched and Jaemin’s facade is up again.

__

“Okay.” He smiles and Donghyuck surely knows that it’s a forced smile.

__

“I-i have some colored paper here and some pens. We can make a collage with some things about our partners.” Donghyuck stands up to get the materials from his room leaving Jaemin.

__

Jaemin thinks that if things didn’t happen Donghyuck was his go-to Jeno diary. He was his safespace of Jeno. It was like bestfriends talking about their boyfriends. Ranting, story telling, and sharing with your best friend.

__

But after what happened, what is there to talk about when your safe space was cheating with your other half? But Jaemin is here. He’s going to talk about his ex with the person he cheated with. How cruel can the universe be? How can the universe be unfair to him?

__

As Donghyuck returns with the materials he sees Jaemin sitting down clutching his chest. Like he can’t breathe.His head hangs low.

__

“N-nana are you okay?” Donghyuck rushes to his side and Jaemin quickly removes his hand from his chest and smiles widely.

__

“Yup.” His eyes were red and he can see that Jaemin’s face was flushed. 

__

“I just feel hot.” He adds and fans himself. Donghyuck just stares at him.

__

“I’m sorry…” To Jaemin he hears nothing. It’s just air for him.

__

“Let’s start.” Ignoring what the latter said. He sits properly and picks a piece of paper.

__

“Let’s list as many facts as we know about our partners here then we could include them in the collage.” Donghyuck stays silent but he nods.

__

“Renjun, wants to be an architect. He says he wants to get married after he settles down with a stable job. He likes cats. He’s allergic to them though.” Donghyuck remembers how he discovered Renjun was allergic to cats. They were both walking back to his home when they saw a stray cat that Renjun immediately went heart eyes on. Renjun petted the cat and minutes later he was sneezing. It was cute seeing Renjun rub his nose with his sweater paws. _ He misses Renjun _ . A bitter bile goes to Donghyuck’s mouth as he remembers Renjun.

__

Jaemin looks at Donghyuck as he talks about Renjun fondly. Jaemin never misses the sad smile that forms on Donghyuck’s lips as he talks more about Renjun.

__

Jaemin knows all these facts. He was Renjun’s best friend after all. When Donghyuck finishes talking. The heavy atmosphere hugs them. Perhaps it was already there even when Donghyuck was talking about Renjun.

__

Jaemin clears his throat.

__

“Jeno, wants to be a lawyer. I don’t know when he wants to be married. He likes dogs.” He blandly says.

__

“I do not know more. I do not talk to him nor listen to him when he talks.” He shrugs his shoulder. 

__

Donghyuck sits in silence as he listens to Jaemin. He can only see the blank expression that he shows as he talks about Jeno.

__

“Perhaps you know more about him.” Jaemin smiles and passes the pen to Donghyuck. 

__

Jaemin just sits there in silence as Donghyuck writes. A bitter smile forms in his face. 

__

In no time, they finished their project. And it was time for them to cuddle. 

__

Jaemin checks the time to see it’s 11:00 pm already. 

__

“Let’s go?” He asks Donghyuck.

__

“W-where?” The latter seems to be shocked.

__

“We're going to cuddle. Did you forget?” 

__

“A-are you sure?” Donghyuck looks at Jaemin again. He didn’t expect Jaemin would still want to cuddle him even after what happened a while ago.

__

Donghyuck makes his way to his room and Jaemin just follows. As he enters he sees the different photos of the three of them. From when they were toddlers, their first day at college, their first party, prom, different contests in which they supported each other and a whole lot more. 

__

Jaemin smiles at the photos. He still has their photos in his drawer. He didn’t have the heart to throw it even if he tried. So he keeps them in a deep part of his drawer.

__

Donghyuck lays down as Jaemin’s eyes wander around the different photos in Donghyuck’s room. He sees a line of photos in which it’s just Donghyuck and Jeno. They always have a space in the middle.

_ Imagine nana is here. We went fishing. _

_ Happy friendversary Nana. _

And some other photos that always had a space in the middle. Jaemin realizes that these are photos after the break-up. 

Donghyuck seems to notice what Jaemin was staring at.

“Uh...don’t mind that.” Donghyuck says and Jaemin does. 

Donghyuck feels the other side of the bed move. Jaemin positions himself beside Donghyuck and presses his face on his chest. Donghyuck caresses Jaemin’s hair. 

“I miss you Nana so much.” He whispers. He feels Jaemin hug him tighter and burying his face more on Donghyuck’s chest.

“I miss you too, Hyuckie…” 

Donghyuck reaches for the lit lamp and turns it off. It was now dark. Only his and Jaemin’s breathing can be heard. Donghyuck stares at the dark ceiling above him. His hand is still caressing Jaemin’s hair.

“Don’t do that again, Hyuckie.” Donghyuck still stares at the dark ceiling.

“Hmm? Do what?” 

“Hating on yourself.” 

Donghyuck waits for Jaemin’s next words patiently. Jaemin’s breathing was starting to be slow and steady.

“I love you, Hyuckie. You know that right?” Donghyuck feels the tears fall on his cheeks and he thanks the darkness because Jaemin can’t see him crying.

Jaemin is such an amazing person. He wants this moment to never last. A selfish request for Donghyuck’s part but it’s all he wants.

“I-i love you, Nana. I really do.” He feels his shirt slowly getting wet and it pierces his heart more.

A moment of silence and tears with tight hugging 

“I’m sorry I was selfish, Nana. I deserve what’s happening to me right now. I shouldn’t have done it. I should have thought of you. Please hate me all you want right now. You do not have to love me anymore. I’m setting you free, Nana. I’m never going to cross paths with you anymore.” Donghyuck says as he places a kiss on Jaemin’s forehead who was in deep sleep. Like he finally rested for the first time.

And Donghyuck lays there as he hugs Jaemin and his lips still on his forehead. He closes his eyes to feel more and as time goes by he drifts off to sleep.

As morning comes, Donghyuck touches the other side of his bed. It was cold. 

Jaemin had already left. 

And just what Donghyuck said

_ He was going to set Jaemin free from him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno walks from his classes with a bag on his shoulder. He has basketball practice today. He makes his way to the gym while he fishes his phone out of his pocket. He’s sure that they’re from his mom whom he tried to tell that he and Jaemin cannot come because they were busy from school. It was the only reason Jeno can think of since his dance competition was already over. As he opens his phone he confirms his thoughts as he sees several texts from his mother. But what caught Jeno’s eyes was a message from _him_. Hesitantly, he opens the message.

**Jaehyun Hyung:**

**Be there during the gathering.**

**Bring Nana too.**

The text was bland and tasteless but it leaves a bitter taste on Jeno’s mouth. He was going to see  _ Jaehyun Hyung  _ again. Jeno sighs as he places his bag on a bench. He closes his phone to see his lock screen, a photo of him and Jaemin during graduation. Jeno sits on the bench as he stares at the photo.  _ He misses Nana a lot. _

He wonders what Jaemin was doing at this time. 

_ “Nana, I think I’m going to faint. Maybe I should back out.” Jaemin drags Jeno back to a bench as other players warm-up. _

_ “Listen, Jeno. You can do it. You’re going to make it.” Jeno was trying out for the basketball team. It was his dream to be in one. And finally he was going to try out. Thanks to Jaemin’s persuasive speech and powerpoint. Jeno still remembers how Haechan laughed because Jaemin was talking about basketball players that he himself does not know. It was funny seeing Jaemin talk about basketball. A sport that he does not know a thing about.Jaemin even bought him contact lenses so that he can play without his glasses. _

_ Jeno hides at the back of Jaemin as he sees the stares of other people. The basketball team was there and those who were going to try-out. _

_ “He’s going to try out?” He hears Jaehyun ask Jaemin.  _

_ “Yup! And he’s going to kick ass!” Jaemin says proudly at his brother. Jaehyun scoffs at Jaemin’s words but he didn’t see because he was busy checking up Jeno who was blue from being nervous. _

_ The coach blows his whistle to call the players and those who were going to try-out. _

_ “I’ll be here, Nono. Go kick some ass!” He places a kiss on Jeno’s cheek and pushes him to the court while he settles down on the bleachers. _

_ “Okay for you Nana.” Jaemin just winks at him and gives him a flying kiss. _

_ Jeno walks to the middle of the gym where all are gathered. He sits down just like the others. Jaehyun sits beside him and grins. _

_ “You think you’re going to pass?” He asks Jeno. Jaehyun was already a varsity player and he is tasked to be the judge of those who will try-out. _

_ “I hope so…” Jaehyun smiles sweetly at him and whispers. _

_ “Dream on, nerd.” With that he leaves as the coach blows his whistle signifying the start. Jneo looks around terrified because he does not know what to do. He sees the varsity passing balls to those who are going to try-out. _

_ “Jeno!” Jaehyun calls him and throws a ball at him with much force. Luckily, Jeno caught it. Jeno was assigned to another varsity member and Jaehyun was assigned to someone else which he thanks all the gods for.  _

_ Jeno looks around to see what drills they were going to do and realizes it’s what he usually does too when he practices. The drills for him were pretty fine and easy. His moves were swift and precise. He was complemented by Yangyang whom he was assigned to. Jeno sees that those who were trying-out were also really good which made him really nervous. _

_ “You’re good bro. I think you’ll make it. Don’t worry much.” Jeno just nods at his words. He won’t deny it helped a little but he was still nervous. _

_ The coach blew his whistle again for another round of tests. This time they were going to play a friendly game with the varsity. Jeno crosses his fingers hoping Jaehyun will not be his opponent but frowns as he hears Jaehyun’s name first as his team’s opponent.  _

_ The first team went to the gym while Jeno and the others sat on the bleachers. He sees a smirk on Jaehyun’s face as he takes a seat. _

_ “You won’t stand a chance.”  _

_ Jeno just hangs his head low trying to make sure that his words do not get into his mind but it fails. Who was he? Jaehyun was an ace player. While he was just a newbie nerd. _

_ Time passed and it was Jeno’s team’s turn to play. His hands were cold and his lips were starting to be blue. He was that nervous.  _

_ “Don’t worry. You’ll do great.” Yangyang assures him. _

_ Jeno stands with his team on the court and he sees Jaehyun and some varsity members enter. _

_ The game starts and it was hell for Jeno. He gets pushed and tossed like he was a volleyball. _

_ “I told you. You won’t stand a chance. You’ll never be too good or even good enough, Nerd. You’re worthless. And Jaemin will see that soon and he will leave you. He deserves more.” Jaehyun’s words were like poison to him and it hurts Jeno more that Jaehyun says these words with a sweet smile on his face. He places an arm at Jeno, pats his back, and waves at Jaemin. _

_ Jeno looks at Jaemin as he waves at the both of them. Jaehyun had already left to go to his teammates. _

_ “You got this, Nono. You’re doing great.” Jaemin mouths at him as he gives him finger hearts and a fighting pose. _

_ Jaemin his strength and power. Sounds cheesy and cliche but it lifts Jeno’s mood.  _

_ “For Nana…” Jeno whispers.  _

_ The coach gathers Jeno’s team. _

_ “Okay we’re changing players. You out. You’re moving to the other team.” The coach points at Jeno which made his heart drop. Jeno just nods and sits as the games continue for his old team. _

_ They did great.  _

_ Well, Jaehyun was not hard on them but they did great.  _

_ In no time. It was Jeno’s turn again. _

_ “For Nana…” He whispers as he looks at Jaemin who gives him a thumbs up and a cheer. _

_ Jeno enters the court and sees Jaehyun is going to play again. He frowns. _

_ The coach blows his whistle and the game starts. From the jump ball to the different passes it went smoothly surprisingly. His teammates were great and Jeno feels nervous that he may be the reason that his team is going to be dragged. _

_ “Hey bro here!” Someone passes him the ball and Jeno makes his way to the ring. He sees that there are a lot of opponents going after him so he passes the ball back to that someone. The guy makes his way to the ring in a swift movement but as soon as he was going to shoot he sees Jaehyun so he passes back the ball to Jeno and Jeno shoots a three. _

_ They gave each other a high five. _

_ “Nice one bro! I’m Mark btw!” The guy introduces himself _

_ “Jeno.” Jeno smiles and thanks him. _

_ Their duo seems to be unbreakable. Their moves and their chemistry was great. Their passes and their signals were on rhythm. _

_ Jeno’s team won with a booming gap of 23 points. _

_ He looks at Jaemin who was cheering loudly for him. Not minding the people. Jeno smiles widely at Jaemin. _

_ In the end, Jeno made it. _

_ For Nana…. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	43. Authors Note

**Hello!**

I post updates everyday but I post it first on twitter. If you're in a rush or what here's the link to my twitter account.

twitter: [twitter.com/nominluvbug](https://twitter.com/nominluvbug)

If you have any questions, insights, stories to tell, rants about the character or etc... here's the link to my cc account.

  
curious cat: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug)


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno walks back to his place with his hands in his pocket. He’s been thinking hard whether to message Jaemin regarding the gathering in three days. As he arrives he makes a decision to not message Jaemin about it. He does not want to force Jaemin but a lingering thought stays on his mind.

_ But Jaehyun… _

Jeno sighs. He places his bag on the floor and takes a quick shower. He dries his hair when he was done and he takes a look from his phone again. String of texts from Jaehyun.

**Jaehyun Hyung:**

**You will come with Nana**

**Whether you like it or not.**

**Do it for Doyoung and I.**

**Don’t start with me Lee Jeno.**

**You won’t like it if you do.**

Jeno throws his phone from the side and lays down. Not minding his wet hair.

_ Don’t let it get in your mind, Jeno. _

_ Don’t let him in your mind again. _

_ Don’t. _

Jeno closes his eyes. He forces himself to sleep to forget the messages.

_ Jeno sees Jaemin smiling with a trophy in front of a huge crowd. A lot of people were clapping and cheering him. Jeno stands backstage together with Donghyuck, Jaehyun, and some of Jaemin’s support group. Jeno smiles at the pink haired boy. He looked marvelous with his black suit that Jeno personally picked because according to Jaemin he was his lucky charm. The reason he was winning contests left and right.  _

_ “May we call in Jaemin’s support group? Take a photo with him.” The emcee calls them to go on the stage. _

_ “Oh. My best friend and brother are back there but most of all, the reason why I’m winning is here. My boyfriend and my ultimate support and lucky charm is with them.” Jaemin says with a blush. Jeno feels his cheeks get hot.  _

_ The crowd shouts. Eager to know who the ace and sweetheart of the school’s boyfriend is. _

_ Donghyuck happily goes to the stage, hugs Jaemin, and kisses his cheeks. He was happy squealing at Jaemin pointing at the trophy Jaemin was holding. Everyone knew he was Jaemin’s best friend. _

_ Jeno makes his way to the stage when Jaehyun stops him. _

_ “Don’t go there.” He says firmly. Jeno looks at him confused. They were still behind the curtains backstage. _

_ “You’re just going to embarrass my brother. What would they say when they see a nobody like you as my brother’s boyfriend? It’s embarrassing. Do Jaemin a favor and stay here.” He leaves Jeno after saying that he is rushing to Jaemin who was already ready to take a picture. _

_ Jeno was left there. His head hangs low as he hears the different camera shutters. Jaehyun was right. He was a nobody. Jeno bites his lips to prevent his tears from falling as he watches Jaemin’s big smiles with his trophy. _

_ My star. My biggest star. _

_ He smiles. _

_ These are happy tears for Jaemin.  _

_ Yes. _

_ Happy tears. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

_ After the photo taking, they walk back backstage. Donghyuck looks at Jeno who’s staring at his shoes. _

_ “Hey, Nono? Are you okay? Jaemin was waiting for you there.” Jeno does not lift his head and it raises Donghyuck’s concern. _

_ “Nono? Baby why didn’t you go there? I waited for you. W-wait. Are you okay?” Jeno hears Jaemin’s voice which was enough for him to lift his head. He sees Jaehyun behind Jaemin. _

_ “He told me he was shy to go there.” Jaehyun looks at him firmly. Jaemincups Jeno’s face. _

_ “Awww. Sorry baby. I won’t do that again.W-wait! Did you cry?” Jaemin wipes Jeno’s wet cheeks. _

_ “I-i was just really happy for you.Nana.” Jaemin coos and places a kiss on Jeno’s lips. _

_ “You’re so precious. I love you so much, Nono.” Jaemin hugs Jeno and places his chin on his shoulder. _

_ Jeno sees Jaehyun raise an eyebrow. _

_ “Okay. Let’s go now. Victory party! I’ll just get my stuff. Wait”  _

_ “I’ll come with you. I found a cute guy in the waiting room.” Jaemin rushes with Haechan as they giggle going to the waiting room.  _

_ Jeno stands there with Jaehyun who has his jaw tensed. _

_ “Jaemin’s too good for you. You’re going to drag him down. He can’t date a nobody like you.” Jeno swallows at Jaehyun’s words. _

_ “I’ll do everything just to be a somebody for him. I’ll prove it to you, Hyung.” Jaehyun smirks at Jeno’s words. _

_ “Welcome to hell then.” _

Jeno wakes up with beads of sweat around his forehead. 

_ A nightmare. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno cannot sleep after what he dreamed. He tosses and turns on his bed but still didn’t get anything. It was 2:38 on the watch near his bed. So he lays still and tries to count sheep but all of that was bullshit. Suddenly he hears a ding from his phone.

**My love, my star:**

**Jeno, meet with me tomorrow.**

**Let’s talk details on what to do during the gathering,**

Jeno’s heart jumped. He stares at the notification with Jaemin’s photo seen on the contact photo. When did Jaemin get his number? Jeno was too happy to care.

**Jeno:**

**Okay. Where do you wanna meet?**

**Why are you still awake?**

**You should sleep well.**

He patiently waits for a reply from Jaemin as he leaves the message application. Not even a minute he sees a notification again.

**My love, my star:**

**Somewhere far.**

**Don’t want Renjun to see.**

**You’re also awake.**

Jeno frowns at the mention of Renjun. He suddenly remembers what they did during the project making. They did not fight (all thanks to Jaemin’s warning) but they talked about some things that involved Jaemin and Haechan too. It was a bizarre experience for both of them who hated each other's guts. Jeno wonders what Jaemin and Haechan did when they were making theirs.

**Jeno:**

**Which place do you have in mind?**

**Had a bad dream.**

**My love, my star:**

**NcTea?**

Jeno searches for the place and sees it’s a couple miles away from where they are right now.  _ He’s that scared of Renjun huh? _

As Jeno scrolls for the location he hears another ding from his phone.

**My love, my star:**

**Drink some milk.**

**Bye.**

Jeno smiles at the message. A familiar thought comes to his mind.

_ As Jeno wanted to prove everything to Jaehyun he worked so hard on the basketball team. There are days where he gets humiliated and sometimes hurt because Jaehyun told the team to be hard on him. Jeno thinks he’ll be okay. He’s doing it for Jaemin. He’s proving his love for him. _

_ But what Jeno didn’t know that something already developed within him. He gets terrified a lot and there are days where he feels paranoid that someone will just punch him out of the blue. He didn’t know it was that bad. _

_ Jaemin was still oblivious to his brother’s doings to Jeno and Jeno is fine with that. Jeno sees how Jaemin looks up to Jaehyun and how they both treasure each other. If he was going to say something it will surely create a dent on their relationship and Jeno was not fine with that. He does not want Jaemin to fight with his loved ones especially his brother whom he loves so dearly. Besides, he was there to be a somebody for Jaemin so that Jaehyun can see that he is not worthless. _

_ At night, Jeno would get nightmares. At first, Jaemin didn’t notice but as time passed he did. _

_ “Nono! Nono! Jeno! Hey wake up babe!” Jeno feels his body being shaken. He gets up to see how sweaty he is. _

_ “You’re having a nightmare!” Jaemin caresses Jeno’s back. _

_ “What was it about Jeno?” Concern was written all over his face. Jeno stares at Jaemin’s face and he tries to think of anything. _

_ “S-scary movie” Jeno finally says. Jaemin frowns at him and wipes his forehead. _

_ “I told you to stop watching them.” Jeno just stares at Jaemin as he wipes the sweat off Jeno’s face. His other hand was still caressing Jeno’s back. _

_ “I’ll be okay. Go back to sleep.” Jaemin looks at Jeno’s face,concern still apparent. Jeno just nods at him. _

_ “Okay, baby.” He places a soft peck on Jeno’s lips. Jaemin lays down and Jeno tucks him in their bed. _

_ “Good night baby.” Jeno says as he places a kiss on Jaemin’s forehead and he gets back to sleep. _

_ Jeno lays after Jaemin closes his eyes. He closes his but he definitely cannot sleep. He tries to toss and turn but still nothing. He counts sheep still nothing. _

_ Jeno hears the bedsheet ruffle. He sees Jaemin standing up. _

_ “Stay there.” Jaemin signals him. Jeno follows Jaemin with his eyes as Jaemin exits their bedroom. _

_ Jeno hears some materials in the kitchen but he does not know what it is. Minutes later, Jaemin entered with a cup. Steam is still seen. _

_ “Here drink this.” Jaemin hands Jeno the cup slowly. _

_ “Slowly it’s hot.” Jeno sees the contents and realizes it’s hot milk. _

_ “I don’t want it. I’m not a baby.” Jeno pouts at Jaemin. Jaemin wants to get mad but he sees how cute Jeno is so he pinches his nose and gets the cup from his hands. _

_ “You are my baby.” Jaemin softly blows the milk and checks if it’s okay to drink and places it on Jeno’s lips. Jeno takes a sip. It was sweet. It was warm...and it comforts him. Jeno does not realize that he finishes the contents of the cup. Jaemin just grins and wiggles his eyebrows. _

_ “Omo omo good job my baby.” He says as he pinches Jeno’s cheeks. Jeno glares at him but it was too cute as Jaemin was still pinching his cheeks. Jaemin sees the white milk left on Jeno’s lips. He smiles. _

_ “You have some milk on your lips.” Before Jeno could wipe his lips he felt Jaemin’s soft lips against his. Jaemin’s lips moved in rhythm and Jeno couldn’t resist it. So he kisses back. He feels their tongues dance to their own rhythm of love and it was melodious.  _

_ Jaemin breaks the kiss with a satisfied grin. _

_ “The milk tastes good.” Jeno feels his cheeks getting hotter. _

_ “Na Jaemin, Jinja!” Jeno gathers his strength and places Jaemin on their bed. Jaemin just laughs and places his arms around Jeno. Jeno softly wraps his hands on Jaemin’s body.  _

_ Both facing each other. Jeno places a kiss on Jaemin’s forehead. _

_ “I love you so much, Nana.” _

_ “I love you too, Nono.” _

_ With that, they slept facing each other. Their hands wrapped around each other’s body. Being their own comfort. And that’s what made Jeno at ease. And in a heartbeat, they fell asleep. _

Jeno smiles at the memory and he opens his phone to reply.

**_Jeno:_ **

**_I love you so much, Nana._ **

**_Good night <3_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

As soon as Jeno finishes his class he quickly moves out of the room. 

_ 11:00 _

He checks his wristwatch. Jaemin and his agreed time was 12:00. Jeno makes his way to his car and drives to NCTea. It was a 30 minute drive there. He did plan to go with Jaemin there so Jaemin wouldn’t have to take a bus or hail a cab going there but Jaemin said one name and it was enough for Jeno to drive there alone and wait for him there.

_ Damn that Huang Renjun. He makes Nana so scared.  _

Jeno quickly steps on the pedal and without him knowing he reaches the place. The thirty minute ride became an 18 minute ride. He was that excited to spend his day with Jaemin.

Jeno’s eyes wander the place. It had a nice ambiance. The place was great.

**“Table sir?”** the waiter asks him.

**“2”** The waiter smiles at him and directs him to a table. Jeno sees that it was a loveseat. His heart thumps with joy.

**“This is the only seat available for two, Sir.”** Jeno just nods and takes a seat. The waiter hands him the menu.

_ What does Nana usually eat? Hmmm _

**“I’ll take this...this...this.. This...this… and this.”** The waiter quickly writes Jeno’s orders. When he finishes the waiter looks at him.

**“Uhm… would you like a bigger table sir? I’ll find an extra table so your dishes can fit or would you prefer to move to the table for 5?”** Jeno quickly shakes his head. The waiter chuckles at Jeno.

**“Must be an important person I guess. Go get your person, Sir!”** The waiter does a fighting sign which Jeno happily accepts. The waiter leaves, leaving Jeno watching what’s happening in the whole cafe. The cafe was filled with couples and has a couple-y vibe. 

11:55 the time reads. Jeno patiently waits for Jaemin. 

_ “Go get everything you want babe”  _ Jeno hears the other table. He sees a young couple sitting beside him. 

_ “Nooooo…we do not have enough money.”  _ The other guy says. His partner just smiles and whips his wallet out. Jeno smiles as another memory pops into his mind.

_ “Jenoooooo. Why did you bring me to this fancy restaurant?” Jaemin whines. It was Jeamin’s birthday and Jeno decided to take Jaemin to the fancy restaurant that the latter wanted. _

_ “Because it’s your birthday, Nana. And you only deserve the best.” Jeno places a kiss on Jaemin’s forehead but Jaemin was still frowning. _

_ “Where did you even get money, Jeno?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow. Jeno just chuckles and whips his wallet out. _

_ Jaemin opens Jeno’s wallet to see his picture on the picture slot of the wallet...and a lot of paper bills. Jaemin’s eyes go wide. _

_ “Hey! Where did you get these?!” Jaemin asks him again. Jeno just shrugs his shoulder and smiles. _

_ Jaemin grabs Jeno’s ear. _

_ “Awwww…. Nana! Nana!!! Awiieee!! It hurts.” But Jaemin just tightens his grip in Jeno’s ear. _

_ “Tell… me…” Jaemin tries to speak while he still grits his teeth. Jeno finally nods. _

_ “Okay… I worked in the library.” Jeno finally admits.  _

_ “There’s no way you are going to earn that fat stacks by working in the library, Jeno Lee.” Jeno hears his full name and he immediately pouts. He sighs. _

_ “.... and the flower shop and convenience store.” He adds. Finally defeated. Jeno has been working three different part time jobs so he can take Jaemin to this fancy restaurant that he wanted. At first, it was hard, since he had to balance his studies and basketball but what kept him going was Jaemin. For his other half.  _

_ Jaemin’s eyes finally soften and he places a kiss on Jeno’s pulled ear. _

_ “You… really didn’t have to… I’ll be happy with anything. I’ll be happy with just you.” Jaemin caresses Jeno’s hair.  _

_ “Wanted the best for you… wanted to treat you well.” Jaemin smiles at Jeno’s words. _

_ “You really worked hard and didn’t ask money from your parents, Jen?” Jeno nods to confirm what Jaemin said. _

_ “I love you Jen so much. I appreciate this so sooooo much.” Jaemin hugs Jeno so tight and Jeno smiles like he’s all over the moon. _

_ “You deserve the best.” Jeno places a long kiss on Jaemin’s lips. _

_ “But I’ll be happy with just you.” Jaemin says between their kisses. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno’s thoughts were cut off when he saw Jaemin standing in front of him. Jeno tries to read the expression plastered on Jaemin’s face. He sees that Jaemin’s breathing was uneven.

**“Are you okay?”** He asks with ful concern. Jaemin looks away and stares at the young couple beside their table. 

**“Yeah. Sorry I was late. Renjun was being nosy.”**

**“Take a seat. You must be tired.”** Jeno softly taps the seat beside him. Jaemin finally sees that their chair was a love seat chair. 

**“W-what? Are there other seats?”** Jeno frowns at Jaemin’s words.

**“None. Look around you. Most of the seats are couple seats. There are group tables but it seems like they are already filled. Also---”** Jeno blabbers whatever he can blabber.

**“I didn’t know. Let’s mov--”** Now it was Jaemin’s turn to be cut off as a waiter stops at their table and places tons of food on the table. The waiter gives Jeno a teasing smile.

**“He must be your special person, Sir. You’re lucky, Sir. This man seems to love you a lot.”** He gives a playful nudge on Jaemin’s shoulders and he leaves after.

Jaemin makes his way to sit beside Jeno. He did want to move to another cafe but seeing how Jeno ordered a feast Jaemin felt guilty…  _ for the food of course. For the food. _

**_“Loves me but cheated on me. What bullshit.”_ ** Jeno knows that Jaemin whispered those words. Jeno knows. But what hurts more than Jaemin’s words were the fact that it was true. The fact that he did cheat on Jaemin.

**“Here.”** Jeno grabs the coffee that he ordered for Jaemin. His usual coffee. Jaemin just stares at the coffee on Jeno’s hand.

**“I’ll order for myself.”** He says bitterly. He tries to call for a waiter but no waiter seems to see his hand. Jeno just smiles and places the coffee in front of Jaemin.

Jaemin grabs it and drinks it angrily. Jeno just chuckles at the scene. It was so cute for him.

**“You look like that bunny snowball.”** Jaemin glares at him. His lips still on the straw as he sips on his coffee.

**“Say that again and I’ll knock you down”** Jaemin raises a fist in his face.Jeno’s eyes go wide and he raises his hands up as a sign of defeat. Jaemin watches as Jeno grabs the plate beside him.

**“Eat. It’s 12:00 you need to eat your lunch.”** Jeno positions the plate in front of Jaemin and fills it with food that he ordered. Jaemin just stares at him. It made Jeno conscious.

**“I-is there something on my face?”** He asks awkwardly. Jaemin just looks at him blankly and looks away. Then it hits Jeno. How Jaemin sits beside him while he places food on his plate. Jeno smiles fondly.  _ Just like the old times. _

When Jeno finishes he starts to place food on his own plate.

**“How was your day?”** He tries to small talk Jaemin. He scoops food on his own utensils.

**“It was okay.”** Jaemin simply says. Jeno looks at the untouched plate in front of Jaemin. Instead of placing the spoon on his mouth Jeno places the spoon on Jaemin’s mouth instead. Jaemin opens his mouth to ask what’s going on but Jeno softly places the spoon inside his mouth the moment he opens his mouth. Jeno slowly retrieves his spoon and places it on his plate. He grabs Jaemin’s utensils and places it on Jaemin’s left and right hand.

**“You should eat. Don’t skip meals.”** Jeno says. Without any choice, Jaemin chews the food in his mouth. Jeno just looks at him with a fond smile.

Jeno’s looks were so long that Jaemin started to feel conscious.

**“Stop looking at me.”** He says irritatedly. Jeno just smiles at him. He moves his finger on Jaemin’s side lip. Jaemin feels the warmth of Jeno’s fingertips beside his lips as he softly wipes it.

**“You still eat like a baby.”** Jaemin feels his face starting to heat. He swiftly looks away to hide his face.

**“You’re still the Lee Jeno that I used to know.”** Jaemin says his eyes now focused on the food in front of him. Jeno looks at Jaemin as the latter starts to eat. His focus now was on the food in front of him.

**“Is that supposed to be a bad thing?”** Jeno asks. He gets a bitter smile from Jaemin. He tries to read Jaemin’s mind but gets nothing.

_ A little more Jeno… a little more. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

The rest of the meal was silent. Jeno tries to small talk but Jaemin shuts him down. He tries again and again but receives short replies from Jaemin. In the end, Jaemin tells Jeno off and to finish his meal. 

The only sounds were the noises from the different customers in the cafe and the loud silence between them. Jeno feels that the silence was louder than the chatters around them. It was deafening. He focuses on eating but his eyes wander to Jaemin who was busy eating.

_ Dug...dug...dug… _

Jeno looks away as he hears his heart beat. Damn. Jaemin’s effect on me. He steals another glance at Jaemin and sees Jaemin looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Jeno quickly snaps his head forward. 

Jaemin holds himself to smile.

_ “Jeno. Let’s go on a date tomorrow.” Jaemin says as they sit back on the swing after their cute polaroid proposal. They were officially boyfriends and it’s all what Jaemin ever wanted. _

_ “A d-date?” Jeno looks at him with a flushed face. He still cannot believe that they are finally boyfriends. It feels like he was in a dream. _

_ “Yeah...boyfriend.” Jaemin winks at him which made Jeno blush harder. He covers his face with both hands. _

_ “So?” Jaemin asks him again. This time he moves Jeno’s hands away from his face and replaces it with his own hands. Jaemin watches Jeno’s doe eyes form into crescents.  _

_ “I’d love to.” They stare at each other smiling. Everything felt so right.  _

_ The star and the moon. _

_ \---- _

_ The next day Jaemin panics as he checks his closet for decent clothes to wear. Plaid? Leather? White Tee? Black Tee? Casual? Semi-formal? The hell was he going to wear? Jaemin scatters all his clothes. Picking from one material to another. Jaemin does not realize the presence looking at him from his door. _

_ “Jaemin, what are you doing?” He hears. He gives a quick glance and sees it’s his brother. _

_ “I have a date.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow at him. _

_ “What date? With who?” He asks. Jaemin was still looking at the different clothes on his closet. He mumbles different words regarding the style he wants. _

_ “Jaemin.” Jaehyun calls him again this time with a serious tone. Jaemin stops rummaging through his closet and finally looks at his brother. _

_ “With Jeno.” Jaehyun’s jaw clenches as he hears the name. _

_ “I love him, bro. You’ll love him too.” Jaemin tells him but it does not change the stoic expression on Jaehyun’s face. Jaehyun quietly leaves Jaemin’s room and Jaemin just shrugs his shoulders. Shaking the idea as a protective brother act which Jaehyun really does. They both love each other. _

_ Jaemin finally finishes dressing up. He watches himself one last time at the mirror (after a hundred looks) and stares at the white dress shirt and ripped jeans that he chose.  _

_ “This is okay right?” He asks himself. This time Jaemin’s mom enters the room with a warm smile. _

_ “You look great. Seems like you’re going on a date?” She teasingly smiled. _

_ “With Jeno. I guess?” She adds. This time a meaningful smile forms in her lips.  _

_ “Are you mad?” Jaemin asks her. _

_ “Why would I be? It’s kinda beneficial you know…” Jaemin looks at him confused. _

_ “Beneficial?” Jaemin’s mom just gives him a pat in the back and pushes him out of the door. _

_ “It’s 9:00 already.” Jaemin suddenly remembers the time. He gives his mom a quick peck and hurries to the door.  _

_ Jeno did want to pick him up from his house but despite Jaemin being a confident person in front of Jeno he suddenly feels shy. Jeno was not just his best friend anymore but Jeno was his boyfriend already. Which excites Jaemin but he cannot deny that he was still new at this and he was very shy about it. _

_ Jeno was his first in everything. He was his first crush, first love, first kiss, and he even was the first person Jaemin flirted with. His lack of inexperience makes him shy. Well, Jeno was inexperienced too. Jaemin was his first in everything...and it makes Jaemin smile. It makes his heart thump with joy. _

_ In no time, Jaemin arrives at the cafe that he and Jeno decided to go to. It was a bubble tea cafe which served some pasta dishes. Not that extravagant for a first date but Jaemin still finds it perfect since it was with Jeno. _

_ He asks for a seat for two which the waiter directed him to. Jaemin checks his watch. He was a little early than what was decided but it was okay. He hears his phone ding and sees a message from Donghyuck.  _

**_*ding_ **

_ Hyuckie: _

_ Good luck on your date, Nana and Nono!  _

_ Don’t be dumbasses and don’t make _

_ Me a thirdwheel. *insert vomit sounds* _

_ Jaemin: _

_ Find yourself a man already. _

_ Also, no promises. Bleh :P _

_ Hyuckie: _

_ I have MEN, Jaemin.  _

_ And where are you? How are you feeling? _

_ Jaemin shakes his head from the reminder of Haechan’s flings. Haechan never ever loved someone so he settles with casual flings. _

_ Jaemin: _

_ I’m already here.  _

_ I’m 30 minutes early. _

_ Hyuckie: _

_ YOU?! EARLY?!  _

_ YOU’RE JOKING RIGHT? _

_ Jaemin: _

_ Hater. _

_ Hyuckie: _

_ Kidding. Tell me if Nono hurts you. _

_ I’ll kill him. _

_ Love you Nana. Take care! _

_ Jaemin: _

_ Love you, Hyuckie _

_. _

_ Jaemin sets his phone down and hears the bell ring from the door. Another customer came. Jaemin looks at the person to see someone wearing a black leather jacket with a black cap. Jaemin watches with awe. Unconsciously he swallows. _

_ “Whoa. You’re early. I was the one who was supposed to be early.” Jeno says as he reaches Jaemin’s table. Jaemin couldn’t take his eyes off Jeno. He was good looking. _

_ Damn. That hottie is mine. _

_ Jeno places his bag beside Jaemin and finally. He looks at Jaemin. His eyes wander around Jaemin’s white shirt and his pretty lips. _

_ “Y-you look good.” Jeno says. Jaemin blushes. _

_ “Y-you look better.” He compliments Jeno back seeing how well Jeno looks. _

_ “Let’s order?” Jaemin says which eared a nod from Jeno. They both ordered their food and when they were done the silence enveloped them. Jaemin places his hands on the table playing his nails on the surface. Minutes later he sees Jeno moving his hand back and up the table. Jaemin wants to laugh but it was too cute to spare. He watches Jeno struggle. It took him minutes but nothing. _

_ Jeno may look like a hottie but he’s still the shyiest ever. Jaemin giggles and scoops Jeno’s hand. _

_ “Want to show them you are mine.” Hearing these words made Jeno a little confident so he pulls Jaemin’s hand to scoot him closer to him and places his hand on his waist. _

_ “Gotta show them you’re mine.” He smirks at Jaemin.  _

_ After that they were silent again. They were both awkward. Jeno’s hand is still on Jaemin’s waist, sometimes caressing it.  _

_ Minutes later their food came. Some pasta and bubble tea. Jeno ordered some chicken and rice too. He scoops and places the food into Jaemin’s plate then picks Jemin’s utensils up and places them on both his hands. _

_ “You need to eat well.” He says. Jaemin just watches Jeno as he scoops up some more food and places it on Jaemin’s plate. When he is done he places the food on his own plate. _

_ “Let’s eat!” Jaemin just nods and they both start eating. Jaemin watches Jeno eating. It was nothing new. He and Jaemin always eat together but he does not know why his heart seem to beat louder than usual. It was different now. They are boyfriends already. Boyfriends… Jaemin smiles at the thought. _

_ “ Hey. You should eat.” Jeno pouts. He places his spoon full of food into Jaemin’s lips which Jaemin happily swallows. _

_ “Tastes good.” Jaemin starts to pick up his own utensils and starts digging on the food that they ordered. This time it was Jeno’s turn to stare. He watches how Jaemin happily sips the bubble tea that they ordered and eats the pasta.  _

_ He really looks good. _

_ His eyes wander from Jaemin’s ripped jeans to his white top and to Jaemin’s face. _

_ Jeno does not know whether it was a coincidence but Jaemin was slurping on some pasta and it made Jeno focus on his lips. His red luscious lips.  _

_ “They look soft. Well they feel soft.” Jeno says in his mind and them kissing under the stars played on his mind again. Jeno’s cheeks turned red. Jeno watches how Jaemin’s lips moved. Every inch and every move. _

_ Jaemin’s eyes moved in Jeno's direction and he saw the latter staring. Jeno quickly moves his head forward. Jaemin sees Jeno’s red face and smirks. _

_ “You were checking me out.” Jaemin says confidently which intensifies Jeno’s redness. _

_ “N-no.”  _

_ Jaemin’s grin became bigger. He holds Jeno’s face with his point finger and thumb then faces it towards him. He places a sweet kiss after. _

_ “It’s okay. Kiss me anytime. I’m yours.” Jaemin says with pride. _

_ “Ah. Na Jaemin jinja you’re really flirty.” Jaemin just laughs at Jeno. _

_ “Only for you.” Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows but is caught in surprise when Jeno pushes his face for another kiss. This time it was long and full of love. When they separated Jaemin sees the smug grin on Jeno’s lips. _

_ “You said I can kiss you anytime. Be ready.” Jaemin’s face was now red. He smacks Jeno but Jeno laughs and laughs. _

_ That was when the awkwardness of their date stopped. They were both inexperienced but it didn’t matter since they were both trying together.  _

_ They were both in that journey together.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

__ Jaemin immediately frowns as he returns to reality. To the reality of him and Jeno. The reality that he and Jeno were already over a year ago. A reality in which they didn’t end well. If you’ll ask Jaemin has he ever seen an end with Jeno? Jaemin will probably say no but it’s a bitter reality that they both never seen has happened. 

Jaemin finishes his food first and waits for the other to finish his own food. His eyes circle the cafe. Indeed it was more of a couple place than a hangout or meeting place. He never knew the cafe was something like that. He randomly chose the cafe as it popped on his feed. Jaemin sees that it’s in a far location so he suggested it to Jeno. 

_ Even the universe wants us together.  _ Jaemin thinks silently. The universe sure knows what to do when it comes to Jaemin. The universe always drags him back to Jeno and when he runs away no matter how hard he always gets dragged back. A year of running away was all the universe gave him. And he curses the universe on how cruel he or she is. Isn’t she unfair to Jaemin? 

**“Nana.”** Jaemin faces Jeno who seemed like he was done with his food. 

**“Do you want to take a walk?”** Jeno asks. He still knows Jaemin despite not seeing him for a year. Jaemin’s little habits. In this case, Jaemin likes to take a walk after eating.

Jaemin shakes his head. 

**“No. I want to talk here. I want to finish this already.”** He says truthfully. Sitting there made Jaemin feel exhausted. Exhausted from what? Exhausted from everything. From holding on. From not trying to physically hurt Jeno. From not trying to think about the past… and what tires Jaemin the most is the little hope that he has for Jeno. In which, Jaemin knows he shouldn’t have. That’s why Jaemin wants to leave. The longer he stays the more it gets dangerous for him.

Jeno sees Jaemin’s rushness. Like he was being chased or that his time was limited. So Jeno nods. He just nods despite wanting more time with Jaemin.

**“Okay.”**

**“So the gathering is in a couple days. It’s just simple Jeno all we have to do is act okay.”** Jaemin says.  _ Simple?  _ Of course it was not simple. 

**“By okay… you mean?”** Jeno carefully asks. He needs more details so he won’t overstep Jaemin’s boundaries. 

**“Like the old us. Like nothing happened.”**

**“A-are you sure?”** Jaemin raises an eyebrow.

**“Yeah. Besides… I do not want unnecessary drama for our parents. They are good friends. To add they are business partners. Our drama stays between us.”**

**“T-thank you Jaemin.”** Jeno looks at him in question.

**“For not telling our parents… what I did, what Haechan and I did.”** Jaemin looks away from Jeno.

**“I got everything under control already. My family doesn't know I’m leaving abroad. We can just say that we broke up because we cannot handle long distance relationships. Then that’s it. We part our ways forever, Jeno. That easy.”** Jaemin explains in detail his plan and it does not settle well with Jeno. The way his insides twist from every word that Jaemin said.

**“That easy?”** He repeats Jaemin’s words. Jaemin presses his lips tightly and nods.

**“I-i don’t want that.”** He tries to look for uncertainty in Jaemin’s face but all he sees is finality. 

**“That’s my final plan, Jeno. Nothing’s going to change it.”** Jaemin says. He really wanted to run away from everything and start anew. His mind is telling him so.

**“Is there anything I can do to change your mind, Jaemin? Please...stay.”** Jaemin chuckles bitterly.

**“There’s nothing you can do, Jeno. My decision is final.”** Jaemin knows it’s the right thing to do. It’s what he really wants…  _ maybe? _

Jaemin watches Jeno bite his lips and play with his hands. It was a painful sight for Jaemin but he knows that the pain in his heart is unbearable. Jaemin stands up and Jeno’s eyes follow him.

**_“Let’s take a walk?”_ ** he says as he extends his hand to Jeno.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be the gathering
> 
> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno takes Jaemin’s hand without any hesitation. After leaving bills on their table, Jaemin leads the way out. They walked as the sun started to set. The orange and pink hues fell beautifully on their skins. Their eyes focused on the road they’re taking. Hands still holding. Jaemin did want to let go but the tight grip not just in his hands but in his hearts stops him.

They walked and walked silently. The only sounds are their footsteps and the rustling of the wind. With no idea where they were heading, they kept walking and walking and walking when Jaemin stopped his tracks to watch the sun set beautifully. Jeno just stares at Jaemin’s face. Making sure to imprint each and every angle of Jaemin in his mind. He watches as Jaemin smiles at the sun as the day ends. Holding his hand tighter so the feeling of letting him go will never exist. Jaemin holds Jeno’s hand tighter. They both stared as the sun moved slowly and slowly.

  
  


And under the beautiful skies, Jaemin and Jeno hold each other’s hands tightly. Unaware of how loud their heartbeats are, how picturesque they look, how warm they felt

But unaware of the disaster that’s coming right before them

And as the sun bids itself goodbye leaving the two staring as the darkness starts to arise. Jaemin lets go of Jeno’s hand and quickly hails a cab. 

“Good bye, Jeno.”

And just like the sun who bid itself good bye Jaemin left Jeno as the darkness envelops him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be the gathering
> 
> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin takes one more look in the mirror as he runs a hand on his chosen pastel yellow polo and some slacks. Jeno’s mom texted him that it’s nothing formal, it's just the three families and that the dress code is semi-formal. 

**“Jaemin, take care okay? Text me when you are home. Good luck on your meeting.”** Renjun says as he fixes Jaemin’s hair. Jaemin just nods at him. Feeling guilty. Jaemin hears a ding from his phone and he immediately grabs it and lowers the brightness. Renjun raises an eyebrow at this.

Jaemin sees that it’s a text from Jeno.

_ I’m here.  _ Jaemin carefully locks his phone

**“I need to go. See you later, Injun.”** He gives Renjun a tight hug. Searching for any support while he fights his battles alone.

**“H-hey Nana. You’re acting weird.”** Jaemin separates and takes a deep breath.

**“Just nervous.”** Jaemin dusts himself one last time and heads to the door.

**“Gotta go now. Bye Junnie!”**

Jaemin walks another block and sees Jeno’s car with Jeno leaning on it.. He makes his way just to be halted by Jeno himself. Jaemin raises an eyebrow but Jeno just opens the door for him. Jaemin didn’t want to argue so he hurriedly went in. He watches Jeno make his way on the driver seat. 

**“You look good.”** Jeno says as he moves closer and places a seatbelt on Jaemin. Jaemin could hear his heart pounding.

_ Just for today, Jaemin.  _

The ride going to the venue was a quiet ride. Jaemin tries very hard to look at Jeno and just stare at the window. Within time, he notices Jeno’s reflection in it. He sees Jeno’s jaw being clenched and like he was in deep thought while he was driving.

Jaemin finds it weird since Jeno would always try to small talk him. In small little ways like How are you” or in this case “Are you nervous”. Jeno was too quiet this time. And it’s the first time Jaemin has ever seen him this uneasy.

**“Are you nervous?”** Jaemin decides to break the silence. 

**“I honestly don’t know…”**

Jaemin hears nothing after. The sound of the other cars and the occasional brakes for Jeno. Jaemin thinks. Jeno didn’t even ask him if he was nervous or not. What could be possibly going on?

**“Jaemin.”**

**“Hmm.”** Jaemin faces Jeno this time. He watches how he flinches and clenches on the steering wheel.

**“Are you good with your.. brother?”** Jaemin just nods at him. Is this Jeno’s way of small talk?

**“Yup. The usual.”** Jeno looks at Jaemin and Jaemin sees that there’s something that Jeno’s not telling him.

**“Why?”** Jaemin asks him with curious eyes. Jeno returns his eyes on the road in front of him.

**“Nothing… just asking.”** Jaemin does not miss the flinch on Jeno’s body but he let’s it slide and faces the window again. He watches the different views outside.

In a couple minutes they arrived at the restaurant. Jaemi hears Jeno’s hand brakes which is a signal that he has already parked. He removes the seatbelt and hurriedly gets out of the car. 

2 minutes passed and Jeno was still not out of the car so Jaemin took a look at Jeno. He sees the latter gripping his steering wheel hard and on deep thought.

**“Jeno. We’re here.”** He calls out for Jeno and it was like Jeno is back to reality. He gives Jaemin a weak smile and removes his seat belt. Jaemin does not miss the deep breath that Jeno gave as he makes his way out of his car.

_ He must be nervous. _

  
**“Let’s go, Nana?”** Jeno holds his arm out to Jaemin and Jaemin nods as he takes it and they make their way inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno and Jaemin walked hand and hand. They were directed by the waiter to a ballroom that is reserved for them. As they were outside the door, Jeno stopped his tracks.

**“Are you ready, Nana?”** He asks Jaemin one last time. 

**“Yes. How about you?”** Jaemin waits for Jeno’s answer.

**_“I don’t think I am…”_ ** Jaemin can only hear the murmurs on Jeno’s voice but does not know what the latter said.

**“Huh? Are you?”** He asks again.

Jeno holds Jaemin’s hand tighter and presses his lips on Jaemin’s forehead. 

**“I… I just needed that.”** Jaemin was about to say something when the doors opened for them.

**“There you are! Stop being lovey-dovey and meet your family.”** Doyoung says in excitement. Jaemin and Jeno forced a smile and made their way in. Jaemin gives Doyoung a hug and makes his way to his parents and Haechan’s parents. He sees Haechan sitting on a chair with two other empty chairs beside him. Jeno stayed with Doyoung exchanging his greetings with him.

**“Good for you you’re still happily dating, my baby bro!”** Doyoung ruffles Jeno’s hair. Jeno chuckles awkwardly. He really sucks at this.

**“Yeah. Will always be in love with him.”** Jeno watches Jaemin as he exchanges kisses and greetings with Jeno’s parents.

**“How about you? Still single?”** Jeno asks his brother. Doyoung gives him a small smile and shrugs. He pushes Jeno to the round table where everyone is. He sees Jaemin is still chatting with his parents.

**“Ma! Your little boy is here.”** Doyoung says and presents him to their parents. Jeno’s mom pinches Jeno’s ear while Jaemin just stands beside them

**“You! If it weren’t for Jaemin you won’t even show up!”**

**“Awchie! Mom! It hurts!”** His parents just laugh at him.

**“You still say “awchie”? What are you? Five? Jaemin, must cringe every time you do that.”** Doyoung says in a teasing tone. Jeno glares at him. 

**“I find it cute…”** Jeno’s cheeks grew red from Jaemin’s comment. Both Jaemin’s parents and Jeno’s act like they’re puking. Haechan’s dad just laughs at them.

**“Oh young love… You guys should never let each other go.”** Jeno’s mom says. Jeno smiles awkwardly and stares at Jaemin. He sees a smile on his face… a smile with a pang of pain? It definitely was. Jeno knows it was.

**“Just tell me if he hurts you, Nana. I’ll kick his balls.”**

_ I already did, Hyung… _

Jaemin just nods at Doyoung and stands beside Jeno. He watches every expression on his face. He feels like he is reading a book. Of all the years that they have been together,Jaemin surely knows him. That is why Jaemin does not miss how Jeno’s expression darkens when he hears the voice behind them

  
**“What did I miss?”** Jaehyun in his white suit enters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaehyun gives his parents a kiss and so does Jeno’s and Haechan’s parents. He gives a pat on Haechan’s back and goes directly to where Jaemin, Doyoung, and Jeno were. He presses a kiss on Jaemin’s cheeks and places a hand on his waist.

**“Missed you, Nana.”** Jaemin just smiles at him.

**“Missed you too, broskie.”** Jaehyun then gives Doyoung an unknowing glance and it does not settle well with Jeno.

**“Jeno, you came.”** Jaehyun places an arm on Jeno’s shoulder.He tenses on every touch of Jaehyun. 

**“Yeah. For Doyoung.”** Jeno makes sure that he emphasizes Doyoung’s name. He does not like how Jaehyun gives him a casual smile.

**“What do you mean that it’s because of me? You came because of Jaemin!”** Jaehyun ruffles Jeno’s hair.

**“You still love him huh? That’s great.”** Jeno can hear the sincerity on Jaehyun’s voice but he knows that he shouldn’t be swayed with it. He’s bad news. Jeno knows he is. That is why he doesn't know why Jaehyun offers him a seat and acts all goody with him. His actions are taking a hundred degree turn and Jeno does not know why.

Jeno feels Jaemin’s hand snake on his hands. They were now seated. Jaemin on his right with Haechan beside him, and Jaehyun on his left side who had Doyoung beside him. 

_ Arrangement: _

_ [Doyoung-Jaehyun-Jeno-Jaemin-Haechan] _

**“Jeno, are you okay? You seem very out of it today.”** Jaemin asks him with full concern. Jeno squeezes Jaemin’s hand. He sees Haechan behind Jaemin who’s eyes were full of concern too. Jeno ignores the two pairs of eyes and focuses on whatever he can find in front of him.

**“Yeah… just tired. I guess I had to finish my cases yesterday.”** He reasons out. He can feel another pair of eyes staring behind his back. Jeno does not need to look to know that it is Jaehyun because he is sure of it. 

Jeno watches how everyone is happily conversing in front of him. Jaemin was conversing with Haechan’s parents while Haechan sits still and listens occasionally Jeno’s parents and Jaemin’s would join their conversation and there’s Doyoung and Jaehyun talking about who knows what as they give each other looks.

**“Now, why did you guys call us?”** Haechan’s dad said excitedly. The other parents turn to them excitedly too. 

**“Is it good news?”** Jaemin’s dad asks. 

**“Depends on you guys.”** Jaehyun gives them all a smile. And what Jeno does not like is that he gives Jeno the final glance and a smile. A smile looking for something. Jeno does not know why Jaehyun was doing this. He couldn’t wrap his head on anything. What can he do next? Jeno does not know and it’s driving him crazy. He knows he shouldn’t let Jaehyun get on his mind. But here he was sitting all giddy because of that bastard.

**“Spill! Come on! I can’t wait anymore longer. I’m so curious already!”** Jeno’s mom says. Everyone laughs at her cuteness. She was like a teenager. 

Everyone watches how Doyoung and Jaehyun give each other looks.

**“Do it.”** Doyoung tells Jaehyun which earns a pout from him.

**“You do it.”**

Jeno just sits in silence. He doesn't realize his grip on Jaemin’s hand tightens. 

Doyoung sighs in the end and slowly lifts his hand up together with JAehyun. Everyone sees their hands intertwined. Doyoung lifts his left hand and proudly shows his silver ring.

**“We’re getting married.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for clarifications:  
> jaeh-jaem are bros  
> doie-jen are bros
> 
> everyone knows jaem & jen are dating  
> no one knew about doie & jaeh
> 
> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin just watches the people around him celebrate. He’s happy for both his brother and Jeno’s brother but his eyes are stuck on Jeno who sits completely frozen. Jaemin does not know why he’s acting this way but there is a certain churn on his stomach. He lets Jeno hold him tighter.

**“Congrats.”** Jaemin says to his brother and his soon to be brother-in-law. He takes a glance on Jeno who sits there with his dark aura. Jaemin nudges Jeno’s shoulder seeing both Jaehyun and Doyoung are waiting and looking at him.

**“Why are you marrying him?”** Jeno finally breaks his silence. Jaemin does not know whether he is saying it to Doyoung or to Jaehyun. Jaemin hears the bitter tone in his voice.

The festive mood immediately changed as all eyes were on Jeno.

**“Sorry.. He’s just protective.”** Jaemin tries to chuckle to break the heavy atmosphere. In which thankfully, everyone bought. Everyone went back to congratulating the engaged couple but Jeno was sitting there with a foul mood.  _ He must really love Doyoung, his brother.  _

Everyone started the festive mood with eating, drinking wine, and catching up. Jaemin can say he’s perfectly adapting. In all honesty, there is a certain part of him that forgot that he was putting on an act. 

**“Jaemin sweetie, heard you won that business competition? Wow, I can't believe it. You’re taking pre-med but at the same time you are ‘acing’ business competitions.”** Haechan’s mother says. Jaemin smiles at her uncomfortably ever since day one. Jaemin never liked this woman and Jaemin thinks his parents and Jeno’s parents do too. They only stick up with her because she is Haechan’s father's wife, second wife to be exact.

He remembers the days where this woman here is the reason Haechan has not been eating for days when Haechan’s father was out on a business trip.Jaemin did want to tell Haechan’s father but Haechan does not want him too. He says that she made his father happy when his mother died.

**“Oh….thank you”** Jaemin thanks her. She flashes a huge grin and places an arm on Haechan.

**“Wish you’d be like him. He’s so smart and competent. And you…”** She talks to Haechan with a gross voice in the end. Haechan just lowers his head.

Jaemin looks around and sees Haechan’s father happily conversing with Jeno’s and his own father. Not listening to what’s happening in front of him.

**“Haechan’s exhibit won this year.”** Jaemin says in a proud voice. Now, this was supposed to be a secret in which Jaemin should never tell but he secretly went to Haechan’s exhibit right after they acted okay. The reason why they worked in his house was because there were some canvases that were being delivered in his place last time.

Jaemin expects to uplift Haechan’s mood but he can only see the latter with his head hang low while he nervously plays with his hands.. And Jaemin does not like it. He does not like seeing Haechan being dragged down because of this stupid bitch in front of him.  _ He does not like seeing him sad. _

**“Yeah. Second-place.”** She scoffs. 

**“Second-place and just drawing? How hard can that be? If he thinks that is an accomplishment… Gosh. He’s so embarrassing. If I was his father I would disown him.”**

Now Jaemin was ready to fight off this woman. It made his head burn in anger. He was about to stand-up when Haechan stood up. Jaemin wishes that he’ll fight off this woman. That Haechan will tell her off.

But instead, he sees Haechan holding his tears and smiling. 

**“I-i think… I’ll call this a day. I-i still have some plates to do. Congratulations Doyoung Hyung and Jaehyun Hyung. Hope you guys will have a great married life. Jeno and Jaemin… you guys are the best friends I could ever ask for. I’m really thankful I met you guys. D-dad, I love you okay? I have to go now** **_until I see you again.”_ **

Haechan quickly moves to the door and Jaemin tries to process each and every word that Haechan said… and Jaemin does not like the way that  _ something feels wrong. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin quickly tugs Jeno’s sleeve as he feels something is wrong. Gut feeling? Definitely. Jeno quickly understood. There is no doubt that three of them are really best friends. They can sense each other’s feelings and danger.It’s been ten minutes and both of them are sitting uneasy in their chairs. 

**“Jaemin and I need to go… we kinda need to do something.”** Jeno excuses both of them. It earned some frowns from the elders.

**“It’s too early, Jeno. We only saw you guys today.”** Jeno’s mom says. Jeno tries to reason out which Jaemin does not hear because he’s busy thinking of scenarios on his mind.

Jaemin bounces his leg in anxiousness. He does not know what’s happening in Haechan's head but seeing Haechan before he knows how weak he is right now. Jaemin sees that Jeno is still trying to reason out so they can leave while the elders still trying to convince them they should stay since it’s been long since they met each other. 

Jaemin unconsciously bites his nails. His eyes meet Jaehyun’s. Jaehyun stands up and whispers to Doyoung.

**“I’ll take the kids. You chit chat with the elders.”** Doyoung just nods. He can read what’s happening between them.

**“I’ll take my leave too. I still have a meeting to go to.”** With that the elders just sigh and let them all leave. The three of them walked out the door. Jaemin speed walked. It even looked like he was running.

When they reached out Jaemin quickly whipped his phone out and called Haechan. 

_ The number you have dialed is unattended.  _

_ The number you have dialed is unattended. _

_ The number you have dialed is unattended. _

Jaemin wants to curse out the voice on his phone.

**“Jeno call Haechan please. Let’s find him please.”** Jaemin feels his tears starting to pour. He watches Jeno’s face who is already full of worry. Jaehyun was still with them.

**“I’ll stay with you guys. You both are not in your right mind right now. Let’s start by checking his car first. I’ll check his car. You both talk to the waiter if they have seen him.”** Jaemin just nods and quickly moves to the cashier area to find a waiter to talk to. Jaehyun moves out to check Haechan’s car.

**“Hello? Have you seen a guy wearing a light yellow polo? He’s this tall…”** Jeno describes Haechan to the cashier. The cashier tries to think but shakes her head.

**“No, sir. But I just arrived. I’ll ask the waiters.”** The cashier moves to the kitchen area to talk to some waiters.

Jaemin and Jeno wait. Jaemin still tries to call Haechan but hears the same voice again and again telling him that the number is unattended. The cashier makes her way back to Jaemin and Jeno.

**“There’s someone who saw him sir but he’s out taking the garbage. He will be back soon.”** Jaemin wants to scream. 

**“Jeno… Jeno… Haechan… Let’s find Haechan. Please. Please, Jeno. He can’t leave yet, Jeno. Jeno please Haechan. Haechan. I want Haechan. I want to see Haechan please Jeno bring Haechan.”** He tries to talk to Jeno but he breaks out into sobs. He can’t properly form sentences. Jaemin sees Jeno silently crying too. 

**“Nana… we’ll find him. Okay?”** He caresses Jaemin’s back to soothe him but it only worsened Jaemin’s sobs. 

_ RIng… ring.. Ring… _

Jaemin quickly grabs his phone wishing it was Haechan but sees Jaehyun as the caller. He answers it.

**_“His car is still here, Jaemin. I’ll look for him around the area. You guys look for him in the restaurant.”_ **

Jeno hears this and sets Jaemin aside. 

**“I’ll look for him around the restaurant. You wait for the waiter.”** He says to Jaemin.

But Jaemin does not want to. He wonders what Haechan is doing while he waits for the waiter. Who knows? Jaemin does not want to think of it but his mind plays tricks. 

**“No. I’ll find him. You stay here.”**

**“B-but”** Jaemin hears Jeno trying to stop him but he has no choice as Jaemin runs to all the parts of the restaurant. He checks the different booths the restaurant has, the ballrooms, and the kitchen but still no Haechan. Jaemin hears the sound of the clock

Tik...tok…

Tik...tok…

Tik...tok…

His feet brought him to the bathroom. Jaemin feels his pulse beating crazy. With no hesitation, Jaemin pushes the door.

He sees Haechan staring into the mirror with a bottle of pills in hand. His hair is messy and his cheeks are wet.

**“HYUCKIE NO. PLEASE NO. DON’T DO IT.”** He screams with all his might. He rushes beside Haechan and quickly grabs the bottle.

Haechan loses all the power he has and falls to his knees. His sobs fill the bathroom.

**“I-i should d-die, Nana. I-i can’t do this anymore. I-i don’t wanna live anymore. E-everything in my life is so messed up. I wanna die.”** He sobs. Jaemin presses his body to Haechan tightly and hugs him like there’s no tomorrow.

**“Don’t leave me, Hyuck… please.”** Jaemin begs. 

**“I-i can’t do this anymore Jaemin... I don’t think I can.”** Haechan’s word came out like a whisper.

**“You can Hyuckie… For me… for Jeno… for Renjun.”** Donghyuck flinches at the mention of Renjun.

**“H-he hates me, Nana. I deserve all of it.”**

**“He loves you… he really does.”** Jaemin hugs Haechan like there’s no tomorrow.

And there they sit with tears in their eyes while hugging each other. Jaemin silently assures that he’ll always be there for Haechan no matter what. 

_ Yes… no matter what _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno runs to the bathroom upon hearing the location from the waiter. As he opens the door, he is greeted with the sight of Jaemin and Haechan hugging each other while they are silently crying. 

Without any word he moves slowly and hugs them both.

**“Sorry… I’m late.”**

They stayed like that for minutes. Silently hugging each other.

When was the last time they hugged each other? It’s been so long that Jeno does not remember when they last held each other.

_ It felt like home.  _

Jeno let’s go when he hears the bathroom door open. Jeno sees Jaehyun out of breath and stares at them.

**“Are you guys okay?”** He asks. He receives a nod from Jeno while Jaemin and Haechan were still hugging each other. 

**“I’ll carry Haechan. You carry your man.”** Jaehyun says. Jeno freezes upon hearing Jehyun’s words.

These are the words that Jeno always wanted to hear from Jaehyun. That he finally accepts Jeno. But Jeno didn’t like  **every part of it.**

He sees Jaehyun carry Haechan. Jeno moves to carry Jaemin.

**“I-i can walk on my own.”** Jaemin uses Jeno’s bicep as support so he can stand. Jeno easily scoops Jaemin into his arms.

**“It’s okay. I’ll carry you.”** Jeno starts walking out as Jaehyun leads the way. 

He follows Jaehyun’s steps silently with Jaemin in his arms. He can feel Jaemin’s breath and tears on his chest.

**“Nana… baby.”** He tries to soothe Jaemin but Jaemin just tightens his grip on Jeno and buries his face further to Jeno’s chest. Like he was asking for support from Jeno. Like he was gathering his strength for something.

Jaehyun stops in front of Jeno’s car. 

**“Take Jaemin home. I’ll stay with Haechan.”** Jaehyun says. Jaemin immediately shakes his head. 

**“N-no. I’ll stay with him. Take him with me.”** He says. Jeno and Jaehyun nods. Silently agreeing with Jaemin.

**“I’ll drive.”** Jaehyun says as he places Donghyuck in the back seat.

**“You’re also not in the right mind right now. Stay with both of them in the back seat. You three are each other's support anyway.”** He says. Jeno places Jaemin beside Haechan who was already sleeping. Jaemin hugs Haechan as he places his head on his shoulder and plays with Haechan’s hair.

Jeno fishes his keys in his pockets and hands it to Jaehyun without looking at him. He settles beside Jaemin after and closes the door. Jeno places an arm on Jaemin’s shoulder who was in deep thought. 

The ride was awfully quiet. With Jaemin having an unknown tension and Jeno who was also having his own tension. Jaehyun drove silently, stealing glances from time to time in the mirror.

The ride going to Jaemin’s place was long. It felt like an hour when to be honest it’s just a couple minutes away. They reached home but Jaemin sat quietly still caressing Haechan’s hair. Jaehyun just sat there. Waiting for Jaemin like he was preparing himself. For what? He has no idea.

**“Nana… we’re here babe.”** Jeno finally calls out. Jaemin removes his arms from Haechan.

**“Y-you guys stay here with him. I’ll just talk for a minute with Renjun. I’ll just text you guys when we’re done.”** Jeno had no choice but to nod at Jaemin. 

Jeno exits the car so Jaemin can go out. Jaemin walks mindlessly when Jeno grabs his wrists.

**“Are...you sure?”** Jeno does not know why he asked it but he feels like he should. Jaemin gives him a weak smile.

  
**“Yeah.”** With that he leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin walks to his and Renjun’s apartment. He takes a deep breath before entering. His eyes wander as soon as he enters. Same old, same old. His feet move to Renjun’s door. He tries to peek if Renjun is inside.

He watches how Renjun would sit on his chair while he stares absentmindedly on his window. Jamin sees him putting something on his lips. Jaemin tries to take a closer look when Renjun puffs up smoke.

_ A cigarette.  _

Jaemin opens the door widely and Renjun hides the stick that he was holding.

**“Y-you’re here? That early?”** He asks Jaemin but Jaemin stares at him with all seriousness.

**“When did you start doing that?”** Renjun purses his lips upon hearing Jaemin’s question. Jaemin grabs the stick from Renjuns hands and crushes it.

**“When did you start smoking, Renjun? You hated the smell of cigarettes! It makes you puke!”** Jaemin sees a pack on the table and a lighter.

**“I do…”** Renjun says. More like a whisper.

**“Then why? Why are you doing this, Renjun?”** Renjun looks away from Jaemin’s eyes as guilt starts to creep into him. 

**“Did you cry? Why did you cry?”** He changes the subject. Jaemin grabs his face so he can meet him eye-to-eye.

**“I said why?”** Renjun sees that Jaemin is not going to back down no matter what. He sighs.

**“Just stressed.”** He simply says. He tries to let go from Jaemin’s grasp and takes a step back. Jaemin stays still and looks at Renjun.

Renjun feels like he is melting under Jaemin’s stares. Like he was a criminal that is under investigation. Like he was a kid that was caught doing something bad. Renjun feels the silence driving him mad.

**“I-it’s about Haechan…”** Jaemin finally breaks his silence. 

**“No.”** Renjun looks away for the second time. 

It was silent again. Renjun does not dare to look at Jaemin but he sees on his peripheral view Jaemin thinking deeply.

**“Renjun…”** He calls Renjun softly. Renjun patiently waits for Jaemin’s next words.

**“You know I love you right? And I would never hinder your happiness. Go back to him. Love him truly. That’s what your heart wants.”** Renjun snaps his head towards Jaemin. He looks at Jaemin like it was the most absurd thing in the world.

**“Do you hear yourself, Jaemin? There is no way that I will do that! He hurt you. He cheated with your boyfriend, Jaemin! What makes you think I’ll come back to him?! If he cheated on you with your boyfriend when you are his best friend, his support system, and everything. What makes you think he won’t cheat on me? He hurt you. He hurt the most loving person in the world, Jaemin. There’s no way I’m coming back to him. Never. I will always choose you Jaemin. No matter what even if it means that I have to give up my love for someone!”**

Jaemin remains quiet as Renjun bursts. Renjun grasps Jaemin’s shoulder and forces him to look at him.

**“He… loves you. He really does.”** Jaemin says silently. Renjun tries to calm down.

**“Jaemin, have you not heard a single thing from what I said? Stop being selfless,Jaemin. Think of yourself! For once Jaemin. For once!”** Jaemin just stays silent. Renjun sees him biting his lips while he suppresses his tears. Renjun couldn’t stand Jaemin like this especially when it’s because of him.

**“I choose you. I’ll always choose you. That’s it. End of story.”** Renjun walks away from Jaemin. Jaemin just stood there.

As soon as Renjun reaches the door he hears Jaemin talk.

**“But… I choose you too. I’ll always choose you, Renjun. That’s why I’m giving you the freedom to love him with all your heart. For you to be happy. You do not need to mind me, Renjun. When you are happy, I am too.”**

_ Selfless. How can Jaemin be this selfless? _

Renjun tries his best to not be persuaded by Jaemin’s words. He slowly takes another step when he hears Jaemin talk again.

**“I-i almost lost Haechan today…”** Renjun freezes as he hears this.

**“He didn’t want to live because he gave up Renjun… but when I mentioned your name. When I told him you love him… Renjun he stopped. Renjun… please.”** Jaemin sobs as he talks to Renjun. 

Renjun clenches his hands and moves to Jaemin who was already on the floor crying. He hugs him tight and caresses his back. Jaemin cries as hard as he can. Renjun feels the heavy weight on Jaemin’s shoulders. 

**“So choose me Renjun… choose me and be happy with him.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno feels the silence suffocating as he stands outside of his car. Haechan has already left to go to Jaemin and Renjun. He was hesitant at first but Jaemin assured him that he would be okay which convinced him. As soon as Haechan leaves the car Jeno does too. He stands outside with his hands in his pockets as he can’t stand the man sitting on the driver seat. Jeno just stands silently waiting for Jaemin, Haechan, and Renjun.

Jeno hears the doors of his car open and footsteps nearing him. Not later he sees a cigarette in front of him. 

**“Cig?”** Jaehyun offers him one but Jeno pushes his hand away. Jeno enters his car to avoid Jaehyun but Jaehyun holds the door open so that Jeno does not close it.

**“Leave me alone.”** Jeno pulls the door again which seems successful but Jaehyun uses more force to swing the doors wide open. Jeno didn’t like it. He glares at Jaehyun.

**“What the fuck do you want? Stay away from me.”** He pushes Jaehyun.

**“We need to talk.”** Jeno clenches his hands. 

**“What is there to talk about? How much you fucked me up and you are going to marry my brother? How much you bullied me because I was dating your brother and you go marry mine? Do I even call it bullying? It was much more than that!”** Jeno pushes Jaehyun from time to time as he bursts in anger. Jaehyun holds both Jenos hands.

**“What are you mad for? It was just some punches and words.”** That’s all it takes for Jeno to punch the man before him.

**“Fuck you.”** Jeno tries to punch him again like a man in rage when someone pushes him away from Jaehyun

**“How dare you…”** Jeno’s mouth dries up and he can feel his heart racing.

**_“Jaemin…”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin signals his brother to enter his apartment. Jaehyun just moves as he holds his busted lip. As Jaehyun is gone, Jaemin pushes Jeno. Jeno’s back hits his car. He sees Jeno wince in pain but Jaemin does not bat an eye. Jaemin was full of emotions.  _ Love?  _ Fuck love. Jaemin knows that he was in this agonizing state because of this so-called love and who’s fault was it? Lee Jeno. It was all Lee Jeno’s fault. All his. 

**“Jaemin… listen to me. It’s not what it looks like… Trust me…”** Jaemin pushes Jeno again.

_ The same bullshit words again.  _

**“Isn’t that the same bullshit words you said when I caught you cheating?”** Jaemin punches Jeno’s chest. 

**“This time, Jaemin… please trust me… please just this once. It’s not what it looks like.”** Jeno pleads Jaemin. Jaemin hears his voice cracking but the expression on his face does not change. His eyes are full of anger and… hatred. 

  
  


**“How dare you, Jeno? How dare you punch my brother?”** Jeno just lets Jaemin push him and punch his chest. He can feel Jaemin’s anger… and Jeno feels hurt because he knows he does not have any right to be hurt.

**“Please listen to me, Jaemin… please.”** Jeno begs Jaemin. He pleads as he holds Jaemin’s hands.

Jaemin harshly removes his hands and looks at Jeno in disgust.

**“I fucking can’t stand you, Jeno. All these bullshit things that are happening to me right now? It’s all your fault. All yours, Jeno. All I ever did was love you every bit and fiber of my being. But what did I get? I get cheated on. You even have the guts to hurt my brother. Why? Because he’s going to marry your brother? Jeno, how dense can you be?”** Jaemin spits each and every word into Jeno’s face. Jeno tries to calm Jaemin down who is now crying hysterically as he punches Jeno’s chest repeatedly.

**“Jaemin… your brother he--”** And for the first time, Jaemin lays his hands on Jeno as he slaps him.

**“Fuck you. Fuck you. Jaehyun was right. You do not deserve me. I wish you’d disappear from my life. I wish...you dead.”**

Before Jaemin could realize what he did. Jeno fixes Jaemin’s disarranged state and places him on the side of the road. He watches how Jeno clenches his hands but he smiles at Jaemin. 

**“I was bound to lose anyway…. I’m sorry, Jaemin.”** Is all he can say as he moves to his car and starts his engine.Leaving Jaemin as he stands on the sidewalk. 

Jaemin’s mouth dries up. He wanted to stop him. He wanted to tell him that he did not mean it.That he was just full of emotions. That he feels like he was a walking time bomb that could explode any minute. But Jaemin didn’t… Jaemin just watches as Jeno moves farther from him.

_ It’s all his fault… it’s all his fault… right? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin’s thoughts were cut off when Jaehyun appeared in front of him. He sees Doyoung behind him watching him.

**“Are you okay? You’re out here for a while already. Doyoung came to pick me up.”** Jaehyun checks each and every part of Jaemin. Jaemin didn’t know why he shoved Jaehyun’s hand away from him. Jaehyun watches him in shock but he keeps silent.

**“Take care…”** He says not looking at Jaehyun. Jaemin does not know why he is acting this way but he seemed so weak from his emotions that he let it win. Jaehyun would usually place a kiss on his cheek for good bye but this time he settles with a pat on Jaemin’s back.

Jaehyun moves to Doyoung’s car as Doyoung silently stays beside Jaemin. As soon as he hears the door shut he gives Jaemin a pat on the head.

**“If Jeno did something again he always does it because he loves you. He’s always like that. He places you first and forgets himself so he gets easily swayed and carried by his emotions. Whatever it is please talk to him. I’ll talk some sense to your brother too. Bye, Jaemin. Contact me when you need something.”** Doyoung moves to his car and gets along with Jaehyun.

Jaemin stands there as he can feel time slowly moving by. 

_ Haechan… _

_ Renjun… _

_ Jaehyun… _

_ Jeno… _

His head starts to hurt from all the thinking and all the feeling that he did right now. In one day, a lot has happened to him. In just one day it was like he was spun into a rollercoaster round and round and he feels that he is still on top. Full of emotions and that he can burst anytime. So Jaemin decides to use his sweet escape again.

Partying.

He hurriedly goes inside of his apartment and sees Haechan and Renjun who were talking in their living room. They stopped as soon as they saw Jaemin’s red eyes and pale face.

**“Uhm… I-i’m going partying.”** He says as he grabs a few things. His wallet and some stuff. Haechan was about to disagree seeing how bad Jaemin’s state was but Renjun immediately takes the wheel and gives him a knowing look.

**“Okay. Call me when you need a lift okay? You have my number. Just one call.I’ll be there.”** Renjun assures him as Jaemin ties his shoelaces.. Renjun gives Jaemin a kiss on the forehead.

**“Please call me when you need me. Okay, Jaemin? Assure me that you will.”** Jaemin bites his lips to prevent himself from crying again. So he nods and sets to the door immediately.

**_“Why did you let him go? He’s not in a good state”_ ** Was all Jaemin can here as he walks away from the door.

The ride to the club was slower for Jaemin. It felt like torture for him to think. He wanted to empty his mind but Jeno walking away was all he could ever think. So as soon as the cab reaches the club he hurriedly takes a few bills and quickly makes his way in.

**“The hardest one please”** He says to the bartender as he takes a seat near the bar. The heavy music and bass was all Jaemin could hear. It was still a little early honestly. The bar was not that packed during its peak hours.

Jaemin downs the contents of the cup as soon as the bartender places it in front of him. He orders more and more of different liquids to empty his mind. Minutes and hours passed but nothing seemed to work for Jaemin. His mind kept coming back to all his problems. It was never like this before even when Jeno cheated. Something was more different right now. 

**“Three more of these please.”** He asks the bartender. The bartender gives him a worried look seeing the different shots that have been splayed in front of Jaemin but he does his work. He makes Jaemin’s drinks.

Jaemin just sat there as he watched the blazing lights and the bar slowly getting packed. It was a nice feeling… he thinks. The bartender places three shots in front of Jaemin. Jaemin smiles sweetly at him and a short thank you.

**“Jaemin?! You’re drinking again?”** He hears someone call him. Jaemin can sense the familiarity in his voice 

_ He sounds so familiar.  _

**“Are you drunk already? You should head home.”** He hears the voice again

Jaemin’s eyes widened as he recognized the voice as the man who would always take him home when he is drunk or talk to him when he is black out.

so he quickly snaps his head to that direction. 

**_“Mark Lee…”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

**“Jaemin… you still drink when you have problems?”** Mark sighs as he places the other shots away from Jaemin. Jaemin watches him with curious eyes. When was the last time (of course conscious Jaemin) met him? Probably when he introduced him to Renjun. Jaemin clearly remembers the day Mark introduced him to Renjun.

**_“Okay, Jaemin. Take note okay? He is pissy but he is nice. He is a very good friend if you get to know him. Just give him a chance.”_ ** _ Mark assures him for the nth time. _

**_“Don’t worry,Mark. I’m desperate to have a place right now. I’ll be nice to him.”_ ** _ Mark lets out a deep breath. He helps Jaemin carry his things. From the different bags to the small bunny stuff toys. _

_ After carrying different things into Mark’s car Jaemin wipes his forehead. He was really living away from Jeno. He was going to start a new life already. It’s a life which Jaemin never wanted… a life without Jeno… but it had to happen. _

**_“Thanks for helping me, Mark. You must have been tired.”_ ** _ Jaemin hands Mark a soda can which he had on his refrigerator before they were packing up. _

**_“Nah. It’s fine besides I had to take some things off my mind so this is a good distraction anyways.”_ ** _ Mark gives him a sad smile as he stares into nothingness. Jaemin watches him as he drinks his soda. _

_ Yeah… Mark was going through a break-up too.  _

**_“Do you wanna drink?”_ ** _ Jaemin asks him. _

**_“I mean… we’re both going through a rough time together and I think there’s nothing wrong to offer a shoulder right? Well only if you want to.”_ ** _ Jaemin waits for Mark’s answer patiently.  _

**_“Yeah… you’re right.”_ ** _ Mark says silently. Jaemin tries to think of a good place to drink, especially it’s only around 1 pm right now. _

**_“Can’t believe we’re doing this when it’s just 1 pm but let’s buy drinks first then let’s decide where to go.”_ ** _ He giggles. Mark just nods and Jaemin quickly makes his way to the nearest convenience store. He checks the different drinks in front of him and scratches his head. _

_ Shucks. I forgot Jeno always buys our drinks and I do not drink that much anyway… but surely I do need a drink. Just one or two will do. _

_ Jaemin tries to think and think. _

_ This one? Or this one?  _

_ He talks to himself as he lifts the different bottles and analyzes them. _

_ “This one is lemon flavored and this one is apple. Hmmm” _

_ Jaemin decides to choose the apple flavored one when he hears Mark giggle beside him. _

**_“That’s apple juice in a bottle.”_ ** _ He laughs and smacks Jaemin’s arm as he giggles. It was a sight to see for Jaemin. Mark was always uptight and very serious especially with his studies. That’s why he asked for Jaemin to be his tutor. To be honest, Mark was definitely not failing. In fact, he had really high grades. At first, Jaemin thought it was just a joke when Jaehyun introduced Mark to him for tutoring but as time passed by Jaemin saw Mark had goals... And that was to always impress his parents. _

**_“Never heard you laugh like that every time I tutored you.”_ ** _ Mark pauses his laughter and frowns. _

**_“Don’t frown. I like seeing you smile.”_ ** _ Jaemin then nudges Mark’s elbow. _

**_“Now choose a drink unless you want to drink our sorrows with apple juice in a bottle.”_ ** _ Mark then laughs as he smacks Jaemin’s arm again. _

_ Jaemin just smiles as he watches how Mark would constantly giggle while he chooses their drink. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

_ As soon as they were done purchasing their drinks and chips Mark offered to take the bag and place it in his car.  _

**_“W-wait. I don’t know where to go yet.”_ ** _ Jaemin says shyly as he sees Mark starting his engine. _

**_“It’s okay. I know a place.”_ ** _ Mark starts driving. Jaemin notices how Mark would occasionally tap his fingers on the steering wheel. He noticed how Mark looked thinner and haggard, not in a bad way Mark always looked good but something about him makes him look so tired. _

**_“Wanna play some music?”_ ** _ Mark says as he notices how Jaemin is staring at him. Jaemin awkwardly snaps his head forward and nods. Mark connects his phone into his car speakers. A beautiful guitar melody follows. _

**_“Nice huh?”_ ** _ Mark smiles at Jaemin. _

**_“Yup! What’s the title?”_ ** _ Jaemin asks seriously and takes a mental note to add the song on his playlist. _

**_“Edge of Desire by John Mayer”_ ** _ Mark says and shows him his phone who is playing the music on the speakers. _

_ Young and full of running _

_ Tell me where's that taking me? _

_ Just a great figure eight or a tiny infinity _

**_“I honestly thought love was a waste of time, Jaemin. Where would love take me? Will it feed me? I had a lot on my plate. My family…”_ ** _ Jaemin watches how the car moves away from the city. The tall buildings were seen less and less. Jaemin just listens to Mark with the music softly playing in the background. For Jaemin, love was never a waste of time. Just the thought of the great figure eight or tiny infinity makes him think of happiness… with Jeno. Yes, always with Jeno. _

_ Love is really nothing _

_ But a dream that keeps waking me _

_ For all of my trying _

_ We still end up dying _

_ How can it be? _

**_“It kinda reminds me of someone.”_ ** _ Mark chuckles sadly. Jaemin awkwardly plays with his hands not knowing how to comfort Mark. _

**_“For all of my trying…. We still end up dying.”_ ** _ Jaemin sees Mark focusing on driving but he knows his mind is somewhere. Was Jeno trying? Jaemin wanted to say something but he does not know what words to say. He stares at Mark but Mark just smiles and gives him a look that it’s okay. Perhaps, Mark just wanted someone to listen. That’s the least Jaemin can do. _

_ Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me _

_ 'Cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see _

_ I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe _

_ There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me _

**_“I’m mad… I want to set fire to everything I see but why do I still want him back, Jaemin? Why?”_ ** _ Jaemin purses his lips as the thought of Jeno. _

  
  


_ I want him back… _

**_“Because you love that person, Mark. You want them back... but they hurt you.”_ ** _ Jaemin finally breaks his silence. Mark thinks upon Jaemin’s words.He tries to think of the right words to say to Mark but is caught off guard when Mark speaks. _

**_“We both hurt each other… Me… unintentionally. Him? He crushed my heart like it was nothing.”_ **

_ Mark then pulls off his hand brake and gives Jaemin a smile. Oh how fake his smile can be. Jaemin knows that Mark was on the verge of tears when he was driving. _

**_“We’re here.”_ ** _ Jaemin checks the surroundings. He clearly hears the waves of water and the beautiful scenery. Mark brought him to the beach.  _

_ When was the last time Jaemin went to the beach? It’s been forever for him. That is why he runs to the shore and plays with the water. The heat was not that hot and the air was cool. It felt nice… it felt relaxing. Jaemin hears Mark giggles as he sees the latter walking to him carrying the things they bought from the convenience store. _

**_“You’re like a kid.”_ ** _ Jaemin just pouts at Mark’s words. He walks back to Mark and helps him carry the paper bags. _

**_“Whatever. The beach is always the best place to enjoy anyways. My dad would barbecue and my mom would play some old music. It was always fun. We’d always go to the beach when I was a kid me, my family and --”_ ** _ Jaemin immediately shuts up when he realizes that he was going to say Jeno and Haechan’s names. It was a good thing Mark pretended like he didn’t hear it. _

**_“Haha good for you.”_ ** _ Mark says. Jaemin watches as Mark’s smile does not reach his eyes. _

**_“How about you?”_ ** _ He asks curiously as he opens a bottle of soju and places it on the paper cup that he and Mark bought. _

**_“I-i never went here… well I went here with my ex but my family? Hmmm. I don’t think so.”_ ** _ Mark says as he opens some chips. _

**_“Really? Oh. You’d probably go abroad or something right?”_ ** _ Mark smiles and shakes his head. _

**_“Well… My family never did those kinds of things. They’d only come sometimes when I have achievements.”_ ** _ Jaemin was taken aback with Mark’s confession. _

**_“O-oh…”_ ** _ He says awkwardly. Mark just chuckles and hands him chips. _

**_“It’s okay.. I’ll do sorts of things when I start my own family. We’d go to the beach. My kid and I would go fishing. Probably bowling too! I like bowling.”_ ** _ Jaemin watches how Mark’s eyes would sparkle as he talks about his future family. _

**_“Wow you had them planned out.”_ ** _ Jaemin chuckles. _

**_“Well.. yeah. Does it sound weird? Sorry.”_ ** _ Mark apologizes. Jaemin takes another shot and sits on the sand. _

**_“Nope… it’s cute.”_ ** _ Jaemin swears he saw Mark’s eyes widened. Not later Mark takes a seat beside him and places the chips in the middle. _

**_“My future plans are solid… what’s missing is… him.”_ ** _ Jaemin smiles bitterly at Mark. _

**_“The universe is cruel… right, Mark?”_ ** _ Jaemin sees Mark nod at his words.. _

**_“We had planned our whole future with someone from our kids, our marriage, and everything but one thing happens and poof. All of them are gone. LIke fireworks. You watch them with wondrous eyes and excitement but in the end they are gone like smoke.“_ **

_ He sees Mark take a deep breath and watches the waves. Both of them sat there in silence. Admiring the waves and the blue skies. _

_ Jaemin moves his hand to get some chips. When he reaches in the bag he grabs some chips but along with it was Mark’s hand. Mark flinched and pushed Jaemin. Jaemin falls on the soft sand. _

**_“Shit.. shit sorry. I didn’t mean to. It was a reflex.”_ ** _ Mark picks Jaemin up but Jaemin just smiles. _

**_“It’s okay. You must have been shocked. I didn’t mean to.”_ ** _ Jaemin says apologetically. _

**_“I’m sorry… I-i just… I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m like this.”_ ** _ Mark says and says his apologies again and again. Jaemin felt the panic on Mark’s voice so he soothes and pats his back. _

**_“Breathe Mark. It’s okay. I don’t mind. Breathe.”_ ** _ He assures Mark and Mark looks at him with an “Are you sure?” look in which Jaemin nods. _

**_“I-i’m really not used to skinship. I feel that every time someone touches me I’ll get smacked or slapped after.”_ ** _ Mark covers his face.  _

**_“Do your parents always do that?”_ ** _ Jaemin asks with all seriousness. He can feel Mark tremble upon hearing his question. _

**_“Yeah.. when I do something wrong. Especially when I was a child. Like when I got second place on that science fair because I was sick… “_ ** _ Jaemin feels pity. _

**_“I won’t hurt you… May I hug you?”_ ** _ Jaemin asks. Mark hesitantly lifts his head up. It took a long time but Mark slowly nodded. Jaemin places his arms on Mark’s shoulders and pulls him on a tight embrace. _

**_“It’s okay, Mark. It’s okay.”_ ** _ He caresses Mark’s back to give him comfort.  _

_ Minutes after Mark slowly moves away from Jaemin’s embrace/ _

  
  


**_“Sorry… I’m so dramatic.”_ ** _ Jaemin just nudges his elbow. _

**_“You’re not. Don’t worry.”_ **

**_“Let’s talk about you… you’re going through a break-up right?”_ ** _ Mark cautiously asks. Jaemin bitterly smiles. _

**_“Yeah… just like you I planned a whole future with him. We wanted to get married right after college. I don’t know why he did that. It makes me wonder if I am not enough or---”_ ** _ Mark cuts off Jaemin’s words _

**_“You’re way over enough, Jaemin. You’re way over enough.”_ ** _ He repeats. _

**_“But what if… that is the reason why? Because I was way over enough?”_ **

**_“Then it’s his loss.”_ ** _ Mark dismisses. Silence follows them after. _

**_“ I honestly don’t know what to say, Jaemin… How can the universe be cruel to you?”_ **

**_“I-i… How can the universe be cruel to you?”_ ** _ He asks the same question to Mark. _

**_“Because the universe is a bitch.”_ ** _ Jaemin stares at Mark with wide eyes. _

**_“Hey!! Bad word!”_ ** _ Mark giggles at Jaemin’s reaction. He ruffles Jaemin’s hair. _

**_“You’re really like a kid.”_ ** _ He laughs as he sees Jaemin’s pout. Jaemin passes his shot to Mark. _

**_“I’m the only one drinking here.”_ ** _ He pouts. _

**_“Well… I’m driving. So none for me.”_ ** _ Mark chuckles. Jaemin raises an eyebrow. Mark raises his hands as a form of surrender. He opens the paper bag that he and Jaemin brought. _

**_“I’ll have this anyway.”_ ** _ He raises the bottle of apple juice that Jaemin had bought and grabs a cup and pours some there. _

_ Right after he raises his cup and Jaemin just watches him with curious eyes not knowing what to do. Mark then lifts Jaemin’s arm into the air. _

**_“To the bitch universe!!!”_ ** _ Mark says and clinks his and Jaemin’s cups. _

**_“Oi! Language Lee!”_ ** _ Mark laughs at Jaemin. _

**_“You’re such a child.”_ ** _ Mark teases him. _

**_“Says the one drinking apple juice.”_ ** _ Jaemin says as he sticks his tongue out.  _

_ From there Jaemin and Mark drank into their heart’s content… with Mark just drinking apple juice and Jaemin teasing him. Later they decided to get back to town and drop Jaemin off at Renjun's place. _

_ When they are finished placing Jaemin’s things into his designated room in Renjun’s place  _

**_“Mark!!! Don’t use my Moomin mug!!!”_ ** _ Renjun says.  _

_ Wow. Mark was right. He’s so pissy. Jaemin thinks to himself.  _

_ Jaemin comes out of his room and sees Mark walking out the door already. Jaemin follows him out. _

**_“Leaving already?”_ ** _ He asks Mark.  _

**_“Yeah. I had a great time today. Thanks.”_ ** _ Mark smiles at Jaemin. _

**_“I did too. Thank you.”_ ** _ Mark was about to leave when Jaemin talks again _

**_“Mark..”_ ** _ Mark looks at him with curious eyes as he stops his tracks. _

**_“Can you not tell my brother?”_ ** _ Mark stares at Jaemin for a long moment and finally nods at the end. He makes his way again when Jaemin stops him again. _

**_“W-wait.”_ ** _ Jaemin ponders whether he should do it or not but in the end he quickly moves to Mark and gives him a warm embrace. _

  
**_“We’ll get through this.”_ ** _ Jaemin says and he smiles as he slowly feels Mark hug him back. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin follows Mark as he enters a VIP Room. They both decided to catch up and talk. Well, honestly Jaemin wanted to ask how Mark was doing. Was he fine? 

**“Do you still want to drink?”** Mark asks Jaemin, searching any ounce of drunkness from him.

**“Yup. I can handle my liquor, kid. How about you? Apple juice perhaps?”** Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows. Mark just laughs at Jaemin.

**“Says the one who was going to buy apple juice as liquor. What a loser.”** Mark sticks his tongue out to Jaemin.Jaemin just rolls his eyes.

**“You’re such a kid.”** They both said in unison. Their eyes widened as they realized they said the same thing together. They both laugh. Silence then follows as they finish laughing.

**“I-i’ll order.”** Mark says as he presses the intercom and orders. As soon as Mark finishes he takes a seat.

Jaemin watches how spacious the room was but only Mark and he were in the room. The red sofa could probably fit 20 people. Jaemin watches how Mark fondles with his own hands. Both of them could feel the awkwardness. Jaemin decides to break the silence.

**“How are you?”**

**“Well… I’m good. I healed… I think. But yeah definitely better compared to before.”** Mark was about to ask the same question when they both heard a knock on the door. 

**“Your orders are here, sir.”** Mark lets the waiter in and allows him to place several shots on the table. When he leaves Mark takes a shot and places it in front of Jaemin.

**“Shall we?”** Jaemin just laughs and takes the shot glass as Mark’s takes his own too. They clinked the glasses before drinking the contents down. Jaemin tastes the bitterness of the alcohol on his mouth.

**“Sorry. Does it taste bad? Try this one instead.”** Mark hands Jaemin an orange drink in which Jaemin tries. It was sweet compared to the other shoot which was a hundred percent bitter.

**“Careful on that. It’s much stronger compared to the bitter one.”** Mark says as he takes another drink and takes a shot himself and grabs a glass and pours some rum in it.

**“How’s your family?”** Jaemin asks. Mark plays with the glass letting the liquid swirl around the material gracefully.

**“I cut them off.”** He says simply. Jaemin feels like he invaded something he shouldn’t have.

**“I-i’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”** He earns a sincere smile from Mark. 

**“It’s okay. I’m over it anyways.”** Mark says before he takes a sip of his drink.

**“I realized… it was not good for me. Everyone around my family made me feel like I was undeserving for love that it slowly crept into me and a part of me believed it… which caused me to be very wary of my relationships and in the end I damaged it without me knowing. It was hard. It’s your family… but for once. I wanted to choose myself. Then I’ll be free.”**

Jaemin always thinks that Mark speaks with eloquence but what made it eloquent for Jaemin it’s because what he says is heartfelt. True to his heart. Mark was always true and transparent. Mark is really smart. Jaemin cannot understand how Mark's parents do not see a true gem like him. He was smart, nice, patient, and a lot more. Jaemin thinks that his good looks are just a bonus. 

**“Family does not always mean blood… Sometimes some people are more than a family than our real family.”** Jaemin says as he comforts Mark. He sees Mark taken aback from his comments.

**“W-what? I’m sorry…. Did I say something wrong?”** He earns a smile from Mark and a sigh.

**“You really speak like him…”**

**“Like who?”** Jaemin asks curiously. Mark thinks whether he should say it but seeing Jaemin’s curious eyes boring through him he takes a deep breath.

**_“Like my ex… Like Haechan.”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

**“W-what?”** Jaemin asks again. Making sure his ears are not playing games with him or that he is not drunk.

Mark looks at him apologetically.

**“Hyuck’s my ex…”** He repeats. Jaemin flips as he feels his rollercoaster ride has kick start again.

**“That is why you kept saying sorry every time I am blackout drunk?”** Jaemin says unbelievably. 

**“I-i am sorry, Jaemin…”** Jaemin couldn’t believe his eyes as he watched Mark slowly moving to kneel on both knees.

**“I-i should have been good to him… The problem was with me.”** Jaemin felt his ears were ringing.

_ No. _

_ No. _

_ No. _

**“No.”** Mark does not lift his head upon hearing Jaemin’s answer.

**“I-i’ll make it up to you, Jaem---”** Jaemin cuts off Mark as he lifts his face and stares at him. He notices the small tears slowly forming on Mark’s eyes so he wipes it.

**“It’s not your fault.”**

**“W-what?”** Mark does not know what Jaemin is talking about. What Jaemin was feeling. He couldn’t read anything from Jaemin.

**“I mean… it’s not your fault that Hyuck cheated.”**

**“I-i was like that before… I tried to think that the reason I got cheated on was because of… me. And it pains me to see you like this, Mark. It’s not your fault okay? It’s a decision that they made. A decision that both hurt us”**

He moves Mark to the couch and pours another two shots.

**“Drink with me tonight, Mark. Let’s try to forget.”**

**_\------------_ **

**“Jaemin… I think you should slow down.”** Mark slowly paces Jaemin out from aggressively drinking. He moves the glass away from Jaemin only for Jaemin to harshly move it back.

**“You’re so wasted Jaemin. You’re going to get alcohol poisoning at this rate.”** This time Mark calls a waiter, pays the bill and moves Jaemin out of the room.

**“I dwont wona gow. Let’s drink sum mwor** _ (I don’t wanna go. Let’s drink some more.) _ **”** Mark places Jaemin’s arm around his neck as he balances Jaemin and starts to move. Jaemin was all wobbly, randomly laughing, and saying incoherent words.

Mark sighs.

_ Jaemin Drunkenness Level Number 4 _

Mark remembers. Of all the times he caught Jaemin drunk, Mark was able to take note of Jaemin’s drunken habits. Level One, dancing and feeling the music. Level Two, Jaemin saying he needs more shots because “he is not drunk”. Level Three, Jaemin staring into nothingness. Level Four, Jaemin laughing and talking incoherent words.

And Mark remembers the last one.

The real Jaemin.

The state where Jaemin’s walls are not up.

The broken Jaemin.

Mark decides to bring Jaemin home to Renjun.

_ Renjun’s probably home right? _

With Jaemin’s arm on his neck he supports (more like carrying) Jaemin out. Moving him out the blasting lights when he hears a commotion. Some guy was screaming at the security guard.

Mark honestly didn’t care about what’s happening but Mark recognizes the voice. A voice he could never forget.

Before Mark could process everything he felt a harsh push and Jaemin being taken away from him. A dark aura surrounds him

  
**“You fuck off and stay away from my boyfriend.”** Was all Jeno could say as he softly carried Jaemin away from Mark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	66. bonus/extra chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this part is only a bonus/extra chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

**_Bonus Chapter_ **

Mark hesitantly moves to knock on Renjun’s door. He knows he shouldn’t have left Jaemin with Jeno. But as he saw Jeno he freezes. He was okay right? Why did it feel like he wasn’t? 

_ Mark you’re okay. _

Mark hears the door opening. He tightly closes his eyes as he was expecting Renjun’s sermon for losing Jaemin. For minutes he hears nothing so he opens his eyes to see a tired Renjun.

**“I-i was with Jaemin… but Jeno took him.”** Renjun sighs. 

**“I know… I was the one who told him to find Jaemin.”** Frustration was apparent on Renjun’s face. He was beyond tired. 

**“What? You know that he’s his ex right?”** Mark does not realize that he raised his voice.

He does not know but he felt like he was fuming. 

**“I know…”** Renjun slowly says. It was apparent that Renjun was drained. That he honestly didn’t know what to do.

**“But… Jaemin will wreck himself drinking and partying. Who knows what he’s going to do next to cope? He needs Jeno…”**

Mark felt like it was the stupidest thing that Renjun has ever said. Renjun was beyond smart. Mark clearly remembers. 

But what’s standing in front of him was nothing like that. All the words that came from Renjun’s mouth was pure bullshit.

**“And he’s not breaking himself when he’s with Jeno? What the heck, Renjun! What the heck!”** Mark does not know why he was acting this way. He was beyond mad. 

Before Mark could say some words they both stopped as they heard footsteps moving closer to them.

A tanned boy scrubbing his eyes enters the scene. Before he could utter a word he freezes.

**_“Mark…”_ **

**_“Haechan…”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

**_Jaemin drunkenness level 5_ **

_ The real Jaemin. _

_ The state where Jaemin’s walls are not up. _

_ The broken Jaemin. _

Jeno carries Jaemin into  _ their  _ room. His head was full of heavy thoughts. He was jealous, full of rage, but most of all he was  _ scared. _

_ Why was Jaemin with Mark Lee? _

**“Jeno?”** Jeno watches Jaemin stare at him with curious eyes. Like he couldn’t believe that Jeno was right in front of him. Jeno softly caresses his face.

**“Yes baby?”** Tears form on Jaemin’s eyes. Jeno watches every movement Jaemin makes while still caressing his cheek. His eyes are full of longing like he waited for a million years. 

**“W-why did you cheat on me Jeno?”** Jeno bites his lips as he wipes the tears away from Jaemin cheeks but it was useless since Jaemin starts sobbing violently. Hot tears continuously fall from his eyes but he swallows and continues.

**“Jeno… Do you like Hyuc--”** Before Jaemin could finish Jeno presses a long kiss on his lips. It was as soft as it could ever be. Like he was taking care of Jaemin and avoiding hurting him. He could feel Jaemin’s tears against his face as Jaemin pushes his face on Jeno.

_ Searching for more. _

_ Wanting for more _

**_Needing more._ **

Jeno decides to break the kiss before anything could happen. 

_ It was a kiss of love. _

_ Of Jeno’s love. _

_ And Jaemin wanted more.  _

_ He needed more. _

So he chases Jeno’s lips again and crashes it into his. This time Jaemin was bolder. His kisses were harsh as he bit Jeno’s lips seeking for entrance.

**“J-jaemin wait.”** Jeno moves back but Jaemin holds him in a tight embrace.

**“Am I not enough, Jeno? Was I not enough?”** His voice was all croaky. All broken from crying. Jeno takes a look on Jaemin’s face. It was a mess. His tears were falling into his cheeks, his hair was disheveled and his lips were swollen. 

Jeno slowly moves to the bed and takes Jaemin into his chest. Making sure that Jaemin would hear how fast his heartbeat was. All because of Jaemin. Always because of Jaemin.

**“You were more than enough, Jaemin. You were more than enough.”** He repeats again and again while he caresses Jaemin’s hair.

**“Jeno… wait for me. Okay?”** Jaemin says. 

**“I’ll always wait for you no matter what.”**

Jeno hopes Jaemin will remember saying that. Because it was enough to spark Jeno’s hopes. 

It was enough to make him feel  _ secure _ .

Because he’s  _ scared _ now.

Scared to lose.

_ …. Especially that Mark Lee is back on the picture now. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jeno opens his eyes as he hears the loud banging of the door and the several doorbells. He softly caresses the other side of the bed knowing that it would be empty and cold but as his fingertips touched the smooth skin he realizes that Jaemin was still there.

Peacefully sleeping.

Jeno hears the loud doorbells again and the banging of the door. This time Jaemin stirs at the sound. 

Annoyed. Jeno moves to know who was the cause of disruption.He opens the door irritatedly.

**“Where the fuck is Jaemin?”** A disheveled Mark Lee shows up the door. He pushes Jeno out of the way and makes his way in. He searches the house for Jaemin.

**“What the fuck are you doing, Mark?”** He pushes Mark but Mark was too persistent to search the whole place. He reaches the bedroom and sees Jaemin who just woke up.

**“Mark? Where am I?”** He asks Mark. He sees Jeno at the back. 

Jaemin stands up to analyze what was going on. Where he was. It slowly sinks in to him that he is in his and Jeno’s old shared apartment.

**“W-why am I here?”** He asks confused. Looking straight to Mark and not sparing a glance on Jeno.

**“We can talk outside. Let’s leave now, Jaemin.”** Mark grabs Jaemin by the wrist and drags him out of the apartment.

**“Are you okay? Do you need something? Do you have a hangover?”** Jaemin shakes his heads to Mark’s endless questions. When they reach the door Jeno grabs Jaemin’s other hand.

**“Jaemin, is not going anywhere with you, Lee.”** He says.

Mark glares at him and pulls Jaemin closer to him.

**“He is.”** He says with finality.

Jaemin stares at the both. Both sides glaring at each other. Gritting each other’s teeths and clenching jaws.

**“Let go of Jaemin.”** Jeno says and pulls Jaemin on his side.

**“No.”** Mark pulls Jaemin back to his side and glares at Jeno.

**“Jaehyun Hyung won’t like it if you’re like this Jeno.”** Jeno let’s go at the mention of the name but quickly returns his hand back on Jaemin’s.

**“I don’t care. Jaemin stays here.”** He places a hand on Jaemin’s waist.

**“Jaemin? Please? Let’s go?”** Mark asks Jaemin. Jaemin takes a look on Jeno’s hand on his waist and on Jeno’s face.

_ Please Nana… Stay here.. With me. _

Is all that Jaemin could read on his face. His eyes pleading Jaemin to stay.

Jaemin takes a look around the place again.

_ It still looked the same. _

And Jaemin feels the ugly churn on his stomach.

Jaemin softly removes Jeno’s hand around him and takes Mark’s hand.

**“Let’s leave, Mark.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

After being picked up by Mark, Jaemin didn’t want to do anything. He just wanted to go home and sob himself to sleep. He mentally thanked Mark as Mark drove him to his and Renjun’s home silently. Trying to understand that Jaemin didn’t want to talk. Jaemin’s mind was hazy but he just wanted to rest. He didn’t want to talk. So as he enters his shared apartment with Renjun he ignores the questioning stares of both Renjun and Haechan.

Before they could utter a single word Jaemin quickly slams the door shut and throws himself to the bed and sobs. He does not even bother to conceal it. At this point, he just wanted it to be out. He was beyond tired at this point.

And from that day on Jaemin locked himself in his room. Not even minding to take a bath or eat. It’s been two days that Jaemin locked himself in. Two days of shutting everyone out. He would hear Renjun knocking in his door cooking meals for him and sometimes Haechan shyly knocking on his door telling him to come out and eat. Haechan would utter silent sorries. But both of them would hear nothing from Jaemin. Not even when Renjun would pound his door.

One time, Renjun got so scared that he used his spare keys to open Jaemin’s door but finds himself getting kicked out by a raged Jaemin. Renjun sighs and places a tray of food on Jaemin’s bedside. Reminding him to eat but Jaemin just turns his back against him.

He would receive texts from Jeno too but Jaemin does not bother to open it. He’s  _ scared.  _ He’s scared that he’ll come running to him again. He’s scared that he  _ loves him still.  _ He’s scared that he’ll be back in his arms in no time.

But is he really scared that he loves him still?

Or is he really scared to lose him again?

At this point, Jaemin was bound to make stupid decisions. He knows it. He really knows that he’s going to make choices that he will regret in the long run. 

He hears his phone ding. He checks it expecting to see Jeno’s message again but sees it’s Mark’s old number. Jaemin does not know but with Mark he feels lighter. Maybe it’s because they got cheated on with the same people? Or the way Mark would allow him to be fragile?

**“Hey. You do not have to reply. I know you want to be alone. It's okay to cry, Jaemin. It’s okay to be broken. But you should take care of yourself. You should eat so you can be strong. You know when you eat you’ll have a clearer mind… well not really. Uh I really don’t know sorry LOL. You know that advertisement for Snickers? You’re not you when you’re hungry. So you should eat okay? We'll probably not Snickers probably a full meal? Okay I’m rambling. But text me when you need something okay?”**

Jaemin chuckles upon reading Mark’s message. He was like a ball of sunshine. He was like someone who you can easily trust and lean on. And it’s been only a couple days since Jaemin saw Mark. 

He wishes to be like him. How strong he was despite all his challenges.

Jaemin decides that Mark was right. He needs to take care of himself so he can have a clearer mind. He can’t stay for so long in his room and just mope. So he slowly stands up and moves to cook something he wanted to eat. He notices how weak his body was. How different it was before.

He sees Renjun and Haechan in the living room. Their eyes quickly snap as they hear Jaemin’s door open. It was like they were waiting for him. Jaemin silently moves to the kitchen. Renjun follows him, checking his best friend's appearance. Renjun thought that it’s impossible for Jaemin to become thinner but here he was much much thinner. Jaemin had deep dark eyebags and it was like he was walking dead. 

Jaemin notices the stares from Renjun but ignores it. Yes he did want to take care of himself. But he still  **didn’t want to talk.**

**“Jaemin? What happened?”** Renjun decides to break the silence. Jaemin starts to take out the ingredients for something he wanted to cook. He answers a short “Nothing” to Renjun and continues to do what he was going to do.

**“What? That can’t be nothing, Jaemin. You’ve been stuck in your room for days!”** Jaemin does not mind Renjun. Still trying to do what he was gonna do.

**“Jaemin, you need to speak. You need to tell me what’s wrong. You can’t keep doing this.”**

**“Not now, Renjun.”** Jaemin does not even spare a glance on Renjun. Trying his best to do what he was going to do. His hand violently shakes as he tries to carry a pot full of water. Renjun grabs the pot and harshly places it on the side.

**“Jaemin! It can’t always be not now! You can’t decide things and go mope around it for days! Jaemin, aren’t you a little too much?! You can’t be WEAK all the time! Grow up, Jaemin!”**

Jaemin stares at Renjun upon realizing what he said. 

**“Too much? Is asking for a little time too much, Renjun?”**

**“I told you from the start right? Think of yourself! You go around begging me to choose you when you yourself do not! Jaemin stop it! You’re not a saint! You can’t go and just choose someone and go drinking all night. Go crying on your bed every day. Go moping! Jaemin, you need to knock some senses on your brain! MOVE ON, JAEMIN!!! I’m getting tired already!”**

Jaemin felt numb upon hearing Renjun’s words. It was like a nightmare after another. Is this how Renjun felt? Is this how things have become to Renjun?

**“I DIDN’T SAY THAT YOU SHOULD MIND MY OWN BUSINESS, RENJUN! OKAY?! WHAT IS IT TO YOU WHEN I CRY ALL NIGHT? WHAT IS IT TO YOU WHEN I GO DRINKING TO FORGET?! EASY FOR YOU TO SAY THAT I SHOULD JUST MOVE ON BECAUSE YOU WERE NEVER IN MY SHOES. YOU--!!”** Jaemin couldn’t continue what he was trying to say.

**“I--i… where was the Renjun that I used to know?”**

With that Jaemin leaves the apartment not knowing where to go.

Not knowing what to do… especially when his best friend has turned his back against him.

And just like a ray of hope…

the only person that came into his mind was

_ Mark Lee. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

**_I need you._ **

Three words that made Mark scramble in his pajamas going to Jaemin’s place. Mark finds himself in front of Jaemin’s apartment in no time. He sees him sitting in the corner hands covering his face. 

_ Broken. _

Mark felt broken seeing Jaemin like this. So he silently sits beside him. Caressing his back. Making sure that Jaemin knows that he’s there for him.

**“Let it out, Jaemin. Let it out.”** He sees repeatedly.

**“M-mark, Renjun h-he..”** Jaemin couldn’t finish his sentence as he his sobs interrupt him. He tries to hold it in but ends up failing as his body trembles violently along with his tears falling.

**“You don’t have to, Jaemin.”** He silently embraces Jaemin as he comforts him. He can feel Jaemin in his arms shaking. Like a fragile thing that can break anytime. Something he wants to protect.

_ Just like what Jaemin did before. _

Mark waits for Jaemin to be ready. Who knows if they sat there for minutes or hours? It didn’t matter to Mark.

**“I-i don’t know where to go anymore, Mark.”** He says truthfully. Mark can see the difference in Jaemin’s features. His face got more dull, his got more thinner, his lips were pale, and it felt like he was paper in his arms.

**“Did you eat?”** Jaemin shakes his head. Mark stands up and let’s his hand out to Jaemin. 

**“How about I take you home to eat?”** Jaemin stares at Mark’s hand and looks away.

**“I don’t have a home anymore…”** He says silently. Mark stares at him and this time he holds Jaemin and pulls him up.

**“I’m taking you home… I’m taking you to my home.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Jaemin just silently follows Mark as he enters the elevator. Mark gives him a warm smile asking if he’s okay Jaemin just nods. In no time, they reached Mark’s apartment. Jaemin’s eyes watched the interior in awe.

**“As expected of Mark Lee”** Jaemin whispers.

**“Not bad right?”** Jaemin nods at him. Mark gestures Jaemin to sit on the living room couch.

**“What do you want to eat?”** Mark asks. Jaemin places his fingers under his chin as he thinks.

**“I’m honestly starving… so I’ll eat anything.”** He says truthfully. 

**“I… uhmm.. Uhm..”** Jaemin stares at Mark with curious eyes curious why the latter was acting this way suddenly.

**“I can’t cook…”** He says truthfully. Jaemin just chuckles.

**“It’s okay. I can cook. Finally, something Mark Lee can’t do. I thought you were superhuman or something.”** Jaemin teases. Mark frowns at him.

**“I can cook eggs! Don’t worry!”** He hurriedly gets a pan to start cooking. Jaemin just follows him in case Mark needs something.

Mark starts to crack the egg but frowns when the yolk pops. He hides the evidence by flipping the egg as he smiles at Jaemin but Jaemin sees it and chuckles. A familiar feeling creeps into him. Unconsciously, Jaemin slowly smiles as he feels his heart flutter.

**“Jeno-yah give me that.”** Jaemin grabs the spatula from Mark. Mark stares at him. He watches how Jaemin smiles fondly without him realizing it.  _ He heard it clearly. _

**“What are you staring at?”** Jaemin asks him. Mark just shakes his head.

**“You-- just… Nothing. You’re just a good cook.”** Jaemin just wiggles his eyebrows at him and continues. He seems completely oblivious to the sudden slip of tongue.

**“We should order take out. I should not tire you out.”** Mark blurts. Jaemin was about to disagree but Mark turned off the stove and dragged him to take a seat.

**“I know a good place. Don’t worry.”** He assures Jaemin who pouts at him. He grabs his phone and dial the restaurant’s number. He made sure to order each and every tasty dish that the restaurant sells. He sees Jaemin roaming around his apartment.

Jaemin mouths a “wow amazing” at some furniture that he sees in Mark’s apartment. Mark just follows him with his eyes while he talks on the phone. Jaemin on the other hand, just looks around the apartment.

Mark’s apartment was really a true wonder. Mark had let an interior designer which was a friend of his design his apartment. He sees a photo of Neo Club’s opening with Mark in it. Jaemin points at the photo at Mark who gives him a questioning look. His hand is still on his phone talking to the prompter of the restaurant.

_ What are you doing here? _

Mark mouths him a short “ I own it.” 

**“Wow! Amazing!”** Mark just chuckles at him while he finishes the call.

**“They said food will be here in a couple minutes or so.”**

**“You own Neo Club? Dang, I should have just come to you when I was out drinking. I made you rich with the liquor that I drank, Mark.”** He says jokingly which Mark responded with an eyeroll.

**“I drove you everytime you’re drunk.”** Mark tells him.

**“Fair. I guess.”**

Jaemin returns with snooping through Mark’s apartment and ends up with a printed photo of Mark’s mirror selfie.

**“MARK! HAHAHA Look at this!!!”** Mark comes closer to what Jaemin was pointing at while Jaemin laughs hysterically.

**“Waaaaaaah. Not that.”** He says as he grabs and hides it from Jaemin.

**“My dark past”** He says in a crying manner. Jaemin was still laughing mimicking Mark’s pose with his phone.

**“You looked so smol. Let me see more.”** Jaemin grabs another photo album from Mark’s collection of photos which Mark was quick to grab and hide behind his back.

**“Show meeeee.”** Jaemin says. Mark shakes his head and sticks his tongue out.

**“No! You’re going to laugh.”** Jaemin gives him a pout while blinking his pretty eyes.

**“Please?”** He asks again. Mark shakes a no again. This time Jaemin tried to pull his lips more.

**“Pwease markie?”** He says in the cutest voice he can give. Mark stares at him weirdly. Remembering how Donghyuck would do the same exact thing just to get what he wants and Mark would act like he hated it when in all honesty his insides would melt. He would act grossed out but this time he just sighs and gives Jaemin the album behind his back.

**“Okay. Just one album.”** He says in a defeated voice. Jaemin grabs the album happily. He sits back on the sofa while Mark sits beside him. Jaemin opens the pages up slowly.

Mark when he was a newborn. He wore a beautiful yellow robe and a cute hat. His small eyes sparkled. Jaemin sees his rosy cheeks and a cute smile forming in his small lips.

**“Cute…”**

The next photos were of Mark and his parents. Jaemin can tell that Mark was around a year or two. Mark was smiling widely, his baby teeth showing while his parents are positioned on opposite sides placing a kiss on his rosy cheeks.  _ They looked very happy. _

**“This one’s my favorite photo.”** Mark points at the picture which Jaemin was looking at.

Jaemin gives him an apologetic smile. Wondering what all went wrong with Mark and his parents. 

The next photo was of a small kid posing in a christmas tree. 

_ He looks so familiar. _

**“Who’s that?”** Jaemin asks Mark. 

**“Me!”** Mark says proudly.

**“I made that christmas tree with my parents!”** He sounded so proud and happy that Jaemin felt influenced by his aura.

Jaemin was about to ask Mark another question when the doorbell rings.

**“Food is here. I’ll grab it.”** Mark the leaves Jaemin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

As Mark positioned the different dishes on the table, Jaemin examines each and every dish. His mouth waters. 

**“How many did you order, Mark?”** He asks as Mark takes out other dishes out of the paper bag. He does not fail to notice that there are still two other bags of food beside Mark.

**“Uhm… I didn’t knoww what you waanted to eat so I knda ordered everything.”** Mark scratches the back of his neck.

Knowing Mark better, Jaemin realizes that Mark can sometime be clumsy and goofy. Indeed he was smart, but there are times that Mark is just… Mark. Jaemin does not know but his clumsiness somehow adds to his charms.

Without noticing, Mark passes him the utensils.

**“Dig up.”** He says and offers Jaemin a chicken wing. Jaemin happily takes it and takes a bite.

**“Hmm. It is good!”** Jaemin starts to eat what Mark ordered while Mark takes his own food to eat too.

In no time, the food infront of them vanishes like magic. Mark giggles as he sees the empty containers.

**“Can’t believe we finished that.”** Jaemin says while he caresses his belly. He notices the sudden bulge from eating too much.

**“YOU finished that.”** Mark emphasizes the you. Jaemin glares at him. Suddenly, Jaemin remembers the photo.

**“Mark?”**

**“Yeah?”** Mark stares at him curiously.

**“Can I ask something?”**

**“Is it about Hyuck?”** Jaemin shakes his head.

**“What is it about then?”** Mark tries to ponder on what question could Jaemin possibly ask.

**“It’s about when you were a kid… the phot--”** Mark immediately looks away at the mention of his childhood.

**“I-i don’t wanna talk about my childhood, Jaemin.”** Jaemin felt like he stepped on a nerve that he shouldn’t have touched.

But he was very curious on why Mark seemed so familiar. Like he has seen him before.

**“Oh… sorry”** Jaemin says apologetically 

The silence filled the room. Mark looked so serious and it was suffocating Jaemin so much. He felt so guilty asking Mark, knowing that Mark probably had a rough childhood. But it looked so different. He looked so happy with his parents. They seemed so happy and he seems so loved.

Where did it all go wrong?

**“Jaemin… what’s your plan?”** Mark breaks his silence. 

**“Plan on what?”**

**“On going home? How are you going to handle Renjun? Are you going to kick, Hyuck out?”** Mark asks him endless questions.   
  


It hits Jaemin.. Yeah, problem. For a split moment, he forgot about his problems. Jaemin tries to think. Renjun… Hyuck…

He realizes something.

**“You saw… Renjun and Hyuck?”** He stares at Mark. concern apparent in his voice.

**“Yeah… so Renjun and Hyuck huh?”** Mark chuckles. 

That’s strike two, Jaemin. Strike two. He mentally notes.

**“I-i…”** He tries to think of what to say 

**“I don’t have a plan yet…”** Jaemin says in all honesty.

What was he going to do? Move out? He’s going to graduate in a couple months and he knows for sure that dorms, and apartments near the campus are all filled. At this rate, Jaemin’s going to sleep in motels again. Which he hated for two reasons. One, he remembers how pathetic he was before, and lastly, he didn’t want to be near those establishments again. 

Mark reads Jaemin’s face. Knowing what the latter was thinking. His thoughts were loud enough for Mark to hear. 

And Mark does not know why he wants to protect him. 

Why he has the urge to help the angel before him.

  
  


**“How about you live with me?”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Three days. It’s been three days since Jaemin left his and Renjun’s apartment after the short feud. He has never stepped foot in the apartment again. He stayed at Mark’s place giving it a “test-run”.

Yeah… Mark. Jaemin is so thankful for the man. When he suggested that he live with him, Jaemin wanted to say no. He started to feel like he was being a burden to everyone. Indeed he was very hurt by what Renjun said but upon thinking he kinda felt like he was. And it made him feel ashamed. But Mark insisted. Saying that since he cannot cook how about Jaemin will do the cooking. With his persistence, Jaemin decided to give the idea a try by staying there for three days. 

Mark never failed to make him feel at home. Mark would always check up on Jaemin on how he’s doing and would sneak some snacks into his bedroom. There are times when Mark had to leave for work.

Yes. Mark is working now. Managing his own business which is the club, and from what Jaemin knows Mark is also taking an internship at a hospital. Mark mentioned that he was business partners with another friend for the club so it’s not much to handle while he takes an internship at a hospital. Jaemin clearly remembers that Mark was taking business. So he asked the latter about this. Mark simply told him he took some business course to make it look like he was taking a business course for his parents but in all honesty he wanted to be a doctor. Now that his family are out of the picture, Mark is able to do medicine freely.

There are days that Jaemin would be alone at home and Mark would send him endless texts checking whether Jaemin is doing fine. Mark would go to work and go home to Jaemin cooking.

Now that Jaemin thinks of it. It’s like they’re an old married couple. 

  
  


**“Are you sure you can handle it alone?”** Mark worriedly asks Jaemin. Jaemin nods at him and gives him a reassuring smile.

**“Of course. I’ll just grab my stuff and leave. I’ll probably talk with Renjun but you don’t have to worry about it. He’ll probably cry, that's it.”** Jaemin chuckles but Mark is unfazed. He's still worried for Jaemin. Nevertheless he nods at Jaemin.

**“If it weren’t for the head of the department I wouldn’t even go.”** He murmurs. Jaemin just chuckles at Mark. He removes his seatbelt and opens the door.

**“You should leave now. You’re going to be late.”** Mark gives him a long stare before uttering a “be safe. Call me okay” and he starts to drive off.

Jaemin watches how Mark’s car drives off. He does not fail to notice Mark glancing at his side mirrors checking up Jaemin one last time. When Jaemin sees that Mark is long gone he takes a deep breath. Like he was holding on to breathing.

He takes a look at the scene. He was in front of his and Renjun’s apartment. He was there to take his belongings and leave to live with Mark. That’s it. He still thinks of Renjun as a friend. He really does. That is why Jaemin made this decision. It was not because he was hurt by what Renjun said (well kinda is) but it was because he wanted Renjun to start anew (and honestly, Haechan too). He wanted his best friend to be happy. With Jaemin in the picture, it’s going to be a bother. 

Jaemin takes another deep breath as he makes his way inside.When he reaches the door, he musters up all the courage that he can and opens the door. Jaemin has lived here ever since what happened a year ago but the apartment felt so foreign right now. Like he was an alien invading a new planet.

He moves inside. Jaemin sees the people inside the room. A disheveled Haechan, Renjun,... and  **_Jeno_ ** who looked like he never slept a wink. They all stand up at the sight of Jaemin with Renjun running to embrace the man who just entered the apartment.

**“Jaemin!”** He hugs Jaemin like there’s no tomorrow. Jaemin couldn’t help himself but give the smaller a tighter hug.  _ He missed him… _

**“I missed you, Jaemin. I’m sorry… I was stupid. I was stupid. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”** Renjun buries his face on Jaemin’s neck uttering his endless apologies at Jaemin.

**“It’s okay…”** Jaemin hushes him and caresses his back. He sees Haechan and Jeno standing up just staring at the two hugging figures.

**“I-i was just… I don’t know, Nana. I don’t know. I lost it when you locked yourself and you shut everyone out. You shut me out… I was scared, Nana. I was scared I’ll lose you. I lost it. I-I’m sorry, Nana. I’m sorry.”** Jaemin takes a look at Renjun’s face.

Renjun who was strong. Who didn’t have any fears. Was crying in front of him. Guilt washes all over Jaemin. He wanted to say that he was sorry too. 

**“It’s okay… it was my fault.”** Renjun gives him a slight push.

**“It’s never your fault. I was just… just stupid.”** Renjun admits. 

Jaemin takes another look at the apartment. Cups of coffee were everywhere. There were some clothes on the floor and shoes. There was trash everywhere. The place was a mess. His eyes meet Jeno’s own pair of eyes. He looked like he lost weight and it was visible that he hasn’t taken a rest. Jeno stares at him with longing in his eyes. Jaemin felt like he was melting at the stares.

**“We tried to search for you everywhere… sorry the place looks so trashed we didn’t have the time.”** Renjun’s voice cuts them off. It brings Jaemin back to his main goal.

To grab his things… so he can live with Mark.

**“We need to talk… I think you should sit down.”** Jaemin takes note of Renjun’s state. He was a mess. Renjun just nods and takes a seat at the sofa. Jaemin hasn’t said anything about Jeno and Haechan so they stayed.

**“I-I’m here to grab my stuff…”** Jaemin watches how Renjun’s face contorts.

**“W-what?”** Renjun asks him. Jaemin takes a deep breath. He wanted to back out. He wanted to hug his best friend.

**“I’m going to live somewhere else.”** He makes the idea clearer to Renjun. Renjun leaves the sofa to hold Jaemin.

**“Jaemin… please. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Don’t do this please. Don’t leave me. I was stupid. I won’t do it again.”** Renjun begs Jaemin holding his hands tightly. Jaemin takes the smaller and places him on the sofa again.

**“It’s not about that... I forgive you, okay? You are my best friend. There are times that we will fight but we only have each other. Don’t worry about me.”** Jaemin caresses Renjun’s back and wipes the tears that endlessly falls on Renjun’s cheeks.

**“W-where you go? You just said we only have each other, Jaem. Where would you go? How can I not worry about you? You are my best friend. I can’t leave you alone… I made that stupid mistake that I will never repeat again. I want to be with you, Nana.”** Jaemin looks at Haechan before looking at Renjun again.

**“I’m going to live with Mark…”** Jaemin watches how everyone’s faces look at him with shock.

**“What?”** This time it was Haechan who asked the question.

**“With Mark…”** Jaemin felt like everything he said was a whisper. He felt small under the stares of the three people in front of him. 

**“Jaemin… how can I know you’re okay when you are going to live with someone you just met again a couple days ago? Nana, just stay here. Please? I want to know if you are okay. I want to check you up. Nana, please.”** Renjun moves to hug Jaemin’s limbs, hugging it and not letting the latter go.

Jaemin watches his best friend beg him.

**“Don’t make this hard for me, Junnie…”** He kneels so he can level with Renjun.

**“I haven’t slept a wink, Nana. I was worried… please stay here?”** Jaemin shakes his head.

**“You can ask, Mark. He’ll message you, Junie…”** Jaemin convinces Renjun. Renjun avoids Jaemin’s stares.

**“Mark and I fought recently.”** Jaemin wants to ask but he sees Haechan beside Renjun. He does not know what to do. He does not want to leave Renjun like this.

He wants Renjun to move freely. To take care of Haechan. He doesn't want to hinder their growing love which is why Jaemin wanted Renjun to choose him in the first place. With him at home, it will only further Renjun’s guilt. 

**“What do you want me to do, Jun? I’ll do it okay? Please leave me be… I’ll stay with Mark now.”** Jaemin wanted to tell Renjun why he was doing this but he knows it will further the case. 

**“I’ll do it.”** Jaemin’s eyes leave Renjun as he moves to meet the eyes of someone’s voice.

  
**“I’ll live with Jaemin, Renjun.”** Jeno says with finality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/nominluvbug](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/luvbugwrites](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

**“Hey! Wash the dishes!”**

**“No! You do it!”**

**“It’s my house!”**

**“I’m going to pay rent anyways. You do it!”**

**“You!”**

**“NO you!”**

Jaemin presses his fingers on his forehead as he feels a headache coming. The two figures are still arguing in front of the dishes. Not wary of his lingering presence. The arguing does not end as the two boys continue to bicker. Jaemin decides to stop them both before he feels another migraine.

**“Shut up. If no one will do it. I will do it.”** He pushes both Jeno and Mark away from the sink as he grabs a sponge and places dishwashing liquid on it.

**“I was kidding. I’ll do it.”** Mark removes the sponge from Jaemin’s hands. He tries to take a utensil to clean when Jeno grabs the sponge.

**“No. I’ll do it. I’m good at doing the dishes right, Nana?”** Jeno flashes Jaemin an innocent smile.

**“I said I’ll do it. I said it first.”** Mark does not back down from Jeno as he grabs the sponge again.

**“And I said I’ll do it instead right?”** Jeno glares at Mark. Both men holding on to the sponge like their lives depended on it.

Jaemin purses his lips as the two start bickering again. This time he shoves the two figures out of the kitchen.

**“I’ll do it! You guys go watch TV or something!”** He continues pushing them out. Both boys stop and stare at him.

**“But--”** Both boys said.

Jaemin widens his eyes at both of them giving them a “say-one-more-thing-I’ll-kill-you-look”

**“Oh watching TV is kinda nice now. I think I’ll watch TV.”** Jeno says understanding the situation he walks to the living room whistling. Mark takes his cue too.

**“I love watching TV!”** He forcibly says and follows Jeno to the living room.

Jaamin turns his back to get back to the kitchen. Before he leaves he hears the two voices in the living room.

**“Ben10!!!”**

**“What are you? Five? Let’s watch Spongebob instead!”**

Jaemin shakes his head as he hears the bickering again but he moves to the kitchen to start doing the dishes. He hears the bickering fading through the background as he reaches the pile of dishes. He stares at it. Seeing the differences of how Jeno and Mark’s dishes were. He can definitely tell where Jeno's based on the leftovers on the plate.

Jaemin does not know what is happening or what he’s going to do right now but he wishes that the roller coaster would stay where it is right now. He knows it’s not gonna happen knowing Jeno’s living with him right now but Jaemin wanted it to stay where it is right now.

Because he knows even though he wanted to hear Jeno’s explanation.

_ He still wasn’t ready for it.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/luvbugwrites](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	75. Author's Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/luvbugwrites](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)

Hello guys!

I moved twitter accounts to luvbugwrites. If you'd like to follow me there. I update there first and I have a new upcoming au which is red wine wishes. 

Purple bluish scars part 2 may also happen! Hints are it's either marknomin or markrenhyuck. 

twitter: <a href="url" rel="nofollow">www.twitter.com/luvbugwrites</a><br />  
cc: <a href="url" rel="nofollow">curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug</a>

Thank you for reading! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: [www.twitter.com/luvbugwrites](url)  
> cc: [curiouscat.qa/nominluvbug](url)


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

It was a Saturday night. The sem’s break is almost coming to an end. If it was a normal Saturday for Jaemin he would be out partying but circumstances had changed now. He seems more conscious of his actions now Jeno is living with him. Back then both Jaemin and Jeno would allow each other to unwind. Party from time to time. But there was something stopping Jaemin from doing so right now. He  _ knows  _ that he is a ticking time bomb now. If something was to happen to him while he was partying he knew things would get messy with Mark and Jeno not to mention Renjun and Hyuck getting involved too. So he slept early that night.

It seemed peaceful for Jaemin as he slept early. It was a good thing that the three of them decided to have their own rooms. Before there were only two available rooms in Mark’s, now his, Jeno’s, and Mark’s apartment, with one room already being Mark’s. Jeno wanted to room with Jaemin and Mark didn’t want it to happen so he decided to room with Jaemin and give up his room to Jeno. But both were stubborn on who’s rooming with Jaemin. Both men decided to bet who Jaemin's roommate would be with what Jaemin calls, the stupidest thing ever, they played rock, paper, scissors. Jaemin remembers how much he wanted to smack both Mark and Jeno in their heads. In the end, Jeno won. But Mark didn’t want it to happen so he decided to clear the storage room and make it Jeno’s room in the end. The thing is the rooms were right beside Jaemin’s and they had a connecting balcony. So if Jeno or Mark would go outside the balcony Jaemin would see them.

Jaemin was a light sleeper that is why as he hears the doors open on the other side of the balcony he slowly opens his eyes and takes a peek at what is happening. Jaemin watches how the figure moves closer to the end of the balcony. The wind was softly blowing his hair but it didn’t bother him as he took out something and Jaemin watches how the thing sparks and ignites a stick.

_ When did he start smoking? _

**“Handsome?”** Jeno asks cockly. Jaemin raises an eyebrow at him.

**“Fuck off, Lee.”** Jaemin says as he turns and faces the other side of the wall. His back facing the balcony. Jaemin regrets forgetting putting curtains on his balcony door. He hears Jeno’s chuckles. Jaemin closes his eyes again but his senses tell him that someone is staring at him. He feels a light churn on his stomach and he can feel his cheeks getting hotter.

**“Stop staring at me!”** He says without looking at the man on the terrace. 

**“Can’t help it.”** Jeno says. Jaemin hears the hoarseness of his voice.

Jaemin stayed there on his bed as he forced himself to sleep. He does not know whether it’s been an hour or two but his senses still feel the same. Jaemin tries to take a peek.

_ Is he still there? _

Jaemin’s senses proved him true as his eyes met Jeno’s. Jaemin sees the several cigarette butts on the ashtray. Jaemin’s forehead creases. He lifts his body up and before he knew it he was in front of Jeno.

**“How much did you smoke?”** Jeno pauses as he stares at Jaemin. He does not fail to notice that the pajamas that he was wearing was a set to their couple pajamas.

**“Probably not a lot.”** He says. He takes the cigarette and crushes it on the ashtray not wanting Jaemin to inhale the smoke.

**“You call that not a lot?”** Jaemin points at the several butts on the ashtray. Jeno hides the evidence at his back. He sees Jaemin shaking his head.

**“I had a nightmare.”** He blurts expecting concern from Jaemin but Jaemin just raises an eyebrow.

**“You should have drank warm milk.”** Jaemin plainly says. 

**“It… it does not work anymore.”** He admits. 

**“I don’t know if it’s because it’s not from you… or I don’t know, Nana. Maybe because it gotten worse. I don’t know.”** Jaemin stares at Jeno’s face. The bags apparent under his eyes and he felt like the other hadn’t been sleeping well.

Jaemin takes his time to ponder on asking. Whether he should just ask him or not. He wanted to avoid the whirlwind of feelings that are passing by every time he stares at the very face of Jeno. Jeno reads each and every expression on Jaemin’s face. 

**“Is it… is it because of Jaehyun?”** He finally asks. He had zero knowledge of what was happening between his brother and his ex. It felt like he lived somewhere elses and that he didn’t know anything about what was happening between them. But he was there. He never left. But why was he clueless to everything?

Jeno was taken aback with Jaemin’s question. He feels his throat getting dry and his heartbeat race. It’s not because Jeno didn’t want to tell Jaemin. It was because he didn’t know how to. How everything resulted him to betray Jaemin’s love but it was so much more than that. It was not just him. It was not just Hyuck. It was also Jaemin’s own blood. His own brother.

Jeno felt stupid.  _ He is stupid. _ How he was able to do such a deed behind Jaemin’s back because of petty feelings. How he-- no how  _ they  _ were able to forget about Jaemin because of anger that was never directed to Jaemin at all. But it ended up hurting him.  _ Everyone  _ ended up hurting Jaemin. 

**“I-i’m sorry, Nana.”** Jaemin just stares at Jeno’s face. This time something awakens in him.  _ Am I ready?  _ He surely was not. But everything was starting to eat him up. It was slowly killing Jaemin and that he needed more.

**“Don’t smoke again, Jeno.”** He warns Jeno and takes heavy footsteps back to his room. This time he does not bother with Jeno staring at him as he returns to his bed. Silently taking his phone. He swallows the heavy feeling, and clears his blurry vision before he types.

**_To Jaehyun Hyung:_ **

**_Let’s meet._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

Jaemin tidies his white polo once again as he stares at his reflection on the mirror. The feeling of anxiety creeping into him as thoughts swim on his mind. He was meeting his brother _today._ Which means a lot of his questions would be answered. The veil will slowly uncover.

He grabs his stuff and heads out of his room meeting the man outside his room. The man smiles at him weakly. His eyes ask whether Jaemin is okay. Jaemin replies with a short nod. Not having the energy to speak to him. 

**“Jeno-- throw out the---”** Jaemin’s thoughts were cut short as Mark entered the room. Wearing his basketball shorts and a Canada shirt. His vibe was much lighter right now and Jaemin can tell that he seemed more cheerful than he was before.

**“Where are you going, Nana?”** Mark asks Jaemin with curious eyes. Jeno just stares at Jaemin waiting for him to answer. Taking note of the familiar sting of Mark’s soft voice calling Jaemin _Nana._

He hears no answer from Jaemin. 

**“He’s going to meet Jaehyun today.”** Mark’s smile fades as his lips form a thin line and his forehead creases.

Jaemin is not dumb. He senses the aura changing in the room. It was much tighter. It was suffocating him. But he realizes he’s not the only one who was feeling suffocated, it was Jeno and _Mark too._

**“Yeah…”** He silently says. He earns a nod and a tap on Mark’s shoulder.

**“Take care then.”** Mark gives him a warm smile.

**“Jeno, wanna watch basketball?”** Jaemin watches how Jeno nods at Mark.If Jaemin was not feeling anxious he would applaud the interaction of both boys now. But right now he was not in the mood for that. He watches Mark move as Jeno follows him. Jeno’s eyes did not leave him until the very last.

Jaemin takes a deep breath and makes his way down where Jaehyun was. He sees the latter in a baby blue polo and his phone is attached to his ear. When he sees Jaemin he drops the call and gives him a hug.

Jaemin flinches at the single touch of his brother but Jaehyun does not seem to notice. 

**“I missed you.”** He opens the passenger door for Jaemin. Jaemin enters the car and watches how his brother rushes to the driver seat. When he settles to his seat, he starts the car and starts driving.

If Jaemin was being Jaemin he wouldn't talk but what was the reason he was calling his brother in the first place? To find answers to his questions.

**“Is your eye, okay now?”** He breaks his silence. Jaehyun gives him a small smile and nods.

**“Yeah. Doyoung iced it everyday for me. It’s a good feeling ya know?”** He wiggles his eyebrows at Jaemin. Jaemin smiles at him.

For as long as Jaemin can remember, Jaehyun had always been in love with Doyoung. He remembers the stupid shenanigans his brother would do just to get Doyoung’s attention. Jaehyun would tease Doyoung endlessly. To the point, where Doyoung hated his brother’s guts. It’s funny how they ended up together right now. Jaemin does not even when it started or how it started but he is surely happy for his brother.

**“Do you love him?”** Jaemin asks. It was a stupid question since he knows whathis brother would answer.

**“So much in love.”** He simply answers. Not failing Jaemin’s expectations.

**“How about you? How are you and… Jeno?”** Jaemin was very wary of his brother’s actions so he notices the short pause that Jaehyun makes when he mentions Jeno’s name.

Jaemin didn’t know how to answer. How was he and Jeno? Well, Jeno was back to living with him again. His relationship seems neutral and Jaemin would be stupid if he’d deny the familiar whirlwind of feelings when he sees Jeno. Was he still in love with him? That is something that Jaemin decides to find answers on soon. 

He won’t deny that Mark has been his comfort even if it is just a couple of days but with Mark he found security, with Jeno he was lost. It was confusing Jaemin more and more but he wanted to find answers to one problem over another. So he decides to ignore it.

**“Hyung…”** Jaehyun takes a short peek at Jaemin before he returns his eyes on the road.

**“Hmm?”** Jaemin stares at his brother whose eyes are on the road.

Before Jaemin could say another word, Jaehyun stops the car and gives Jaemin a wide smile.

**“We’re here.”** Jaemin scans the place around and sees different trees.The leaves were turning brown, a beautiful house was seen and it was a beautiful scene of _home._

**“It’s been long since we last visited grandma so I decided to visit today.”** Jaehyun says. Jaemin gives him a smile and a tap on his shoulder. Jaemin hears a knock on the car door. He sees a very sweet old woman.

**“My nana baby and Jaehyunnie!”** Jaemin immediately opens the door to give her a tight, warm hug.

**“Grandma! I missed you.”** He feels his grandma soothe his back while hugging him.

**“I missed you Nana baby. You’re so tall now.”**

**“Grandma, how about me?”** Jaehyun gave her a small pout and that was enough for her to rush and hug him.

**“I missed you, my little kiddos.”** She says. She leads them inside her house while Jaemin clung to her like a koala bear.

**“How are you guys? I can still see your brother spoiling you, Nana.”** She chuckles. 

**“Congrats on the engagement, Hyunnie”** Jaehyun gives her a warm smile.

**“You guys stay here. Grandma will prepare food for you guys.”** Before the sibling could utter a word she rushed to the kitchen.

Jaemin and Jaehyun just smile at each other.

When they were kids their parents would always go to business trips leaving them both with their grandma. Their grandma would bake them cookies, play with them, and even to the point where they crochet with her. They would sometimes bring Jeno, Haechan, and Doyoung would sometimes tag along with them. It was nostalgic being here. 

In no time, it was the three of them happily chattering while eating with their grandma. Sharing old jokes and teasing how Jaehyun would act when Doyoung was around. Jaemin was thankful that he was able to swerve the topic when Jeno was brought into the conversation.

**“Wait here.”** Grandma says out of nowhere after a happy chat about Jaehyun spoiling Jaemin. She rushes out of the kitchen.

When she returned she had a couple of albums in hand. 

**“Here are photos I took when you guys were kids.”** She says. They open the album seeing photos of Jaehyun and Jaemin both.

**“I like this photo the most.”** Grandma points at a certain photo.

It was nothing special honestly, if Jaemin could remember. It was a photo of little Jaemin when he had chicken pox during Christmas. Little Jaehyun was sitting beside him pointing at him smiling.

**“Why? I look ugly.”** Jaemin pouts. He stares at the photo noticing the things growing on his face because of the pox.

Grandma caresses the photo thinking deeply.

**“You had the pox… but Jaehyun didn’t want you to spend Christmas alone in your room. Your mom didn’t want him to come near you because he didn’t want Hyunnie to catch the pox too but Hyunnie here sat all night in the stairs so you can celebrate Christmas with him.”**

Jaehyun’s ears turn red at the story of his grandma. Jaemin was speechless. 

**“Always remember no matter what you guys are brothers okay? You are supposed to be each other’s support system.”** Grandma caresses both of the boys cheeks and places a soft kiss on each.

Jaemin stares at his brother's face who hasn’t said a thing. It was like he was thinking deeply. 

**“Let’s check the other’s too. I think I have some with Jeno, Haechan, and Doyoung too.”** Grandma flips on the different photos while the boys just observe the photos. 

They occasionally comment on some photos asking their grandma what happened in this photo then some other comments. Jaemin notices the change in behaviour of his brother. He was less interactive compared to the other photos.

Grandma had a lot of Christmas photos. With different families coming for Christmas. Jeno’s family, Haechan’s family, and some others too. Their family were too close.

Jaemin notices an unfamiliar photo of a kid under a Christmas tree but it had an unfamiliar feeling. It’s like he has seen it but he does not know where. Like he forgot.

**“Who’s that, grandma?”** Jaemin’s curiosity made him ask his grandma. She stares at the photo of the child under the Christmas tree. Pity in his eyes.

**“I don’t know where he is. The last time I met them was that Christmas. They moved after.”** Jaemin just nods at the mutters of his grandma

**“That’s Lee Minhyung, sweetie.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: italicized parts are flashback
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

Mark was sitting down watching television (technically no, his mind was somewhere else) when he heard the door open. Knowing who it was based from the footsteps, Mark turns the TV off to be greeted by the person who he was exactly expecting. Not that he wanted to, but Mark knows that he’ll go home crying. Mark’s guess was right as he saw the tears glistening Jaemin’s rosy cheeks.

Without any words, Mark immediately hugs Jaemin.

**“Let it out, Nana.”** He soothes his back as he whispers comforting words.

**“I-i didn’t do it, Mark. I didn’t even ask him a single question. I’m a coward. A fucking coward.”**

**“But I’m scared, Mark. I’m scared.”** Jaemin adds. Mark stayed silent. Wanting Jaemin to let everything out. His misery. His sadness. Everything.

They stood there for a couple of minutes with Mark just silently listening to Jaemin’s cries. Mark could smell Jaemin’s scent as he takes the younger closer to him. Hugging him like he is fragile. 

When Jaemin settles he wipes his tears like it was nothing. Mark watches how Jaemin builds his facade again. Acting everything was okay. 

**“Where’s Jeno?”** He mutters. 

Mark felt his heart sunk at the mention of the name.  _ I’m here but you want him. _

**“He wanted to give you some space.”** Mark stares at Jaemin’s face wanting to see comfort but his expectations shatter when he sees Jaemin give him a sad smile.

**“Mark.”** Jaemin calls his name. Mark was about to answer when Jaemin opens his mouth to speak again.

**“Who are you?”** He adds.

Mark looks at him confused. Jaemin grabs his wallet from the back of his wallet to draw out a photo of young Mark. Similar to what he showed Jaemin before.

**“Where did you get this?”** Mark asks him but Jaemin grabs the photo again.

**“Answer me, Mark. Not you too. Please.”** He can sense the desperation in Jaemin’s voice.

**“You really don’t remember me?”** Mark's voice came out like a whisper. Sounding more desperate than Jaemin.

**_“Listen to me! I saw you with her! You are cheating on me!”_ ** _ Festive lights, christmas carols, snow, and gifts. That’s what Little Mark expected his Christmas would be. But why was he hiding in his closet covering his ears as his parents fought? _

_ Mark covers his ears as he hears the shatter of different items that are being tossed around by his parents as they fought. His ears were covered but why can he hear the sounds getting louder? Each and every shatter made his heart jump. Like they were piercing his ears. _

_ He wanted to run. To be away from the sounds. So he slowly opens the door. Wanting to leave his home. He makes his way out seeing the two very figures still shouting at each other with anger. Several pieces of shards are on the floor Their voices were thundering each and every part of the room. They didn’t even notice how the little boy slowly opens the door and leaves. _

_ Mark stares at the different homes outside his. They were filled with beautiful christmas lights, he can see shadows and figures of people happily celebrating at the different windows. Mark sits at a tree as he watches the figures. He sees a big figure handing a box to a little boy. He probably gave him a gift. Mark thinks. He stares at how the figures were laughing. Happy of what they were celebrating. _

_ Happiness. _

_ That’s what Mark wanted. If he was a normal child he would want that new playstation or that new game boy but no, he wasn't. He felt like he was different from the other kids. Their parents would make their lunch or even go to their baseball games. In his case, it was never that. _

_ Mark was a smart kid but his potential is overly shadowed when he sees that he does not have the same support as the other kids. He wanted his parents to cheer for him too. _

**_“Hey.”_ ** _ A young boy calls him. Mark turned his back to hide his face from the boy. It was apparent that he had been crying and he didn’t want to embarrass himself. _

**_“Hey kiddo.”_ ** _ He repeats again. Mark turns his back again. Pushing his face further away from the child calling him. _

**_“It’s okay to cry, you know.”_ ** _ Mark turns to look at the kid in front of him. He had his arms crossed. _

**_“It does not make you less of a person. My mom told me that crying does not mean you are a scaredy cat. It means that you acknowledge what you are feeling. “_ ** _ Mark stares at him as the kid speaks with such eloquence. _

**_“Good for you. My mom doesn't even like me.”_ ** _ Mark says like spitting out bitter vile in his mouth. The child makes his way to sit beside Mark. Staring at the stars as he smiles. _

**_“My mom died.”_ ** _ He says as his eyes never leave the skies. Before Mark can utter another word the boy stands up. _

**_“Celebrate Christmas with me.”_ ** _ He says as he drags Mark into a house. _

**_“Hi grandma Na! I bought a friend if that’s okay?”_ ** _ The old lady just gives him a sign of approval and a warm smile. _

**_“Have some warm chocolate---”_ ** _ The child couldn’t continue what he was going to say because of not knowing Mark’s name. _

**_“Minhyung.”_ ** _ Mark continues. The child happily nods and hands him a cup of warm chocolate.  _

_ The first sip of it was heavenly. The warmth comforting him and it felt heavenly. _

**_“Good, huh?”_ ** _ The child wiggles his eyebrows. Mark just nods at him. _

_ He watched how everyone was very much welcoming. Like they were their very own. They even took photos with Mark. It was everything that Mark wished for at Christmas. He felt like finally had a family. That night, Mark stayed at the Na’s spending Christmas with them as he played and forgot all his worries. He was finally a child.  _

_ At the end of the night, Mark walks back to his home. He wanted to stay longer but he didn’t want his parents to worry. He still loves them. So much. When he reaches home he sees the lights are off already. They must’ve slept. It was when he reached his living room when realizes something. _

_ He does not know what the kid’s name is.  _

_ Mark metally takes note that it will be the first thing that he will do tomorrow. _

_ The next day Mark immediately makes his way to the Na’s to be greeted by the grandma Na. She gives him a warm smile and offers him another cup of chocolate but Mark politely declines wanting to see her grandson again. _

**_“Grandma Na, is your grandson here? Can we play?”_ ** _ Mark asks enthusiastically. Grandma Na gives him a sad smile. _

**_“Ohno dear. He is sick. They left this morning.”_ ** _ Grandma Na says apologetically. _

_ Mark can feel his heart sink. If he would have known he should’ve stayed longer. He wouldn’t have gone home. He would have spent all the time here. _

_ Mark swallows. _

**_“May I know his name instead?”_ ** _ Mark says shyly. Grandma Na nods her head. _

**_“Nana. HIs name is Nana.”_ **

_ Nana. So pretty. It fits him. He is pretty. _

_ Mark does not know how he but he ended up waiting for days for him to come back. And before Mark realizes. He liked Nana. Each and every part of Nana lingered in his heart like a tattoo.  _

_ Mark was young… but he was not like the other young kids. He was smarter and much more open-minded. _

_ He liked Nana. _

Jaemin shakes his head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


	79. Chapter 79

But Mark didn’t tell Jaemin the last part. It was something he will never talk about especially with what happened before.

He stares at Jaemin after revealing his childhood story. Jaemin was staring at him indifferently. Shaking his head frantically.

**“No. no. no.”** He repeats again and again staring at Mark’s picture. Mark felt hurt with each and every no that he could hear from Jaemin’s lips.

**“I-i… what do you mean, Nana?”** Jaemin tries to open his wallet again to get another picture.

**“Did this kid play with you?”** Jaemin asks. Mark stares at the picture. It was the same exact kid. His smile was still the same. Just like how he smiled as he sat with Mark under the stars on Christmas eve.

Mark nods his head.

**“Mark… on Christmas, I had the pox.”** Jaemin simply says.

**“I am. Grandma’s grandson but there were other people at that house during Christmas eve.”**

**“What do you mean?”** Mark stares at him confusedly.

**“What I’m saying is that I’m not the one you played with.”** Jaemin answers, staring at Mark.

**“I-is it Jeno then?”** He can feel his heart pound at his question. Jaemin shakes his head again.

**“Jeno’s mom is still alive… this kid here is not me. It’s not Jeno too.”**

  
  


**_“It’s Haechan.”_ **


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

1:00 am. Jeno enters the apartment knowing Jaemin would be probably asleep already. His hunch was right as he saw that the lights were off when he entered the apartment. He quickly removes his shoes and tries to minimize any sound that he can make as he takes his steps to his room.

He tries to tiptoe going to his room when he sees a figure sitting on the sofa. It was too dark for Jeno to see who it was but based on the petite figure and the way he crouches his back. He realizes it’s Jaemin.

**“Where did you go?”** Jaemin tries to clear his throat before he speaks but Jeno notices the hoarseness in his voice. 

**“I-i tried to grab some clothes.”** He tries to reason out. Well, he really did grab some clothes. After he had some coffee and a serious talk with Renjun.

Jaemin just hums at Jeno’s answer. It was too dark for Jeno to see what Jaemin’s face but he knew the younger had been crying for long.

**“May I sit with you?”** Jeno waits for Jaemin’s approval. The eerie silence fills the room. Jaemin must have been drowning with his thoughts.

Jeno takes the answer as a no. He takes his lead to his room silently because even if he wanted to scoop Jaemin up and hug him endlessly, Jaemin needed space. He needed to be away from Jeno.

Jeno knows that being away from Jaemin is the best decision for now. Just for now. Because Jeno will never let go of Jaemin again. He wanted to show Jaemin that he has changed. That he’s never going to fuck up once again. Fucking selfish. But how can he leave Jaemin when they were slowly dying without each other? Still fucking selfish. 

Just as Jeno nears his room he hears Jaemin’s voice again.

**“I need you.”** Jeno takes light steps to Jaemin again.

_ I need you too. _

He silently places his arms around Jaemin. Placing his head softly on his chest as his fingers draw circles on Jaemin’s body.

**“Jaemin, I--”** Jeno wanted to say comforting words to Jaemin but was cut-off as he felt soft lips against his. A contrast to what the kiss was, as it was harsh and trying to fight each and every part of Jeno. Jeno swears he could taste his lips bleeding but that didn’t hurt him. What hurt him was the tears that are wetting his cheeks that are coming from Jaemin’s very own eyes. It felt like blades cutting into Jeno’s skin. Everything felt like burning. As the sting slowly antagonizes Jeno making him want to repent again and again.

As Jaemin separates they both gasp for air. Like they’ve been underwater for so long. Drowning on their past that they can’t seem to move on. 

**“Don’t. Just don’t speak.”** Jeno silently agrees.

_ A little more time, Jeno. Just give me a little more. _

Jaemin closes his eyes as Jeno’s warmth slowly envelopes him. Feeling his heat entering Jaemin’s space.

_ It was dangerous… dangerously beautiful. _

**_And Jaemin thinks he’s gone mad for wanting more._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

Jaemin closes his eyes at the familiar ring of music in his ears. It’s been three days that he was sneaking off to go to the usual club to unwind. Jeno would make Jaemin’s meals everyday as he noticed the sudden change of energy coming from Jaemin. Jaemin, on the other hand, was feeling intense regret. Smacking himself as soon as he enters his rooms. Lecturing himself because of how quick he was to crash his lips on Jeno’s. 

The swirl of the bitter liquid reaches his tongue but Jaemin couldn’t care less. Bodies were swaying around him, dancing to the rhythm of music. The usual red cup on his right hand. He sings along with the music as he closes his eyes. Feeling the moment more. 

For a moment, he takes a quick glance at the crowd. Sweaty bodies and drunk smiley faces were all Jaemin could see. Just like what he was doing right now. The beautiful effect of alcohol apparent on his system as he feels all giddy.

**“Jaemin. You can’t do this.”** Jaemin smiles at the familiar voice.

_ Of course. He’ll be here. _

**“Mark.”** Jaemin’s smile does not fade. A goofy smile was plastered on his face while he stared at Mark’s face under the neon lights that are blazing in the club.

**“Let’s get you out of here, Nana.”** Jaemin just hums at the soothing voice that was currently surrounding his system.

Suddenly, the music wasn’t too loud for him. Mark’s voice felt like a rainbow coming after the rough storm.

Mark pulled Jaemin out of the waves of people in the club. Carefully, bringing him to a more private room. As soon as the door closes, Jaemin turn to face Mark who was avoiding looking at Jaemin the whole time. 

**“Why didn’t you go home?”** Jaemin asks.

Mark hasn’t been home ever since his confrontation with Jaemin. Jaemin obviously knows the reason.

**“I needed some time to myself… I wanted to think a little.”** Mark says truthfully. Jaemin just smiles at him.

Mark feels the familiar warmth slowly creeping into his system as he sees Jaemin smile.

Silence starts to envelop the two men sitting in the VIP room. Mark stares at his cup as he swirls the whisky. The liquid smoothly follows the direction of Mark’s hand.

**“I didn’t get to talk about anything with Jaehyun.”** Jaemin breaks off his silence. Mark removes his eyes from the cup and focuses on the beautiful boy sitting beside him.

**“Keep talking… I’m here. I’ll listen.”** Mark stares at Jaemin who took a long time before he nods. 

**“I can’t do it… I don’t know.”** Mark’s eyes stayed focused on Jaemin. Watching even his little movements.

**“It’s hard for me to move forward, Mark. No matter how hard I try to move forward it just seems I can’t. I think I’ve lost myself. I’ve lost myself and that makes me too broke to even go on my own. To start on my own.”** Mark takes a deep breath and takes a shot of whiskey before he opens his mouth.

**“Maybe… it’s hard for you to move forward because you’re still scared to accept things from the past.”**

The past few days, all Mark did was think and think. Even until now, his mind was still hazy but he realized that he hadn't fully moved on because he was still linked from the past. Jaemin, whom he thought was first love, was never actually his first love. It was Donghyuck all along. Donghyuck who he was so much in love but he took for granted. Mark’s thoughts were swimming like crazy everyday.

So does that mean that all he is feeling all throughout with Jaemin was not real? Were those feelings made because of what Mark thought of who he was before? 

Mark does not like Jaemin when he dated Donghyuck. That is clear. Mark was in love with Donghyuck. So much in love but after that, everything changed. Donghyuck moved on and is happy with Renjun  _ hopefully _ . Mark, on the other hand, still couldn’t sort his feelings yet. The usual warmth he would feel when Jaemin was around all along he thought was because of nostalgia. 

At first, he was scared. Thinking Jaemin was part of his _past._ And the reason why his parents _loathed_ him. It was Donghyuck… the bitter memory of Donghyuck flashes into his mind. How he planned to build a future with him. Donghyuck **i** ** _s_** his first love.

Mark couldn’t sort out his thoughts. But he realized that he can’t move forward because he was still stuck in his past. When he thought Jaemin was his first love he didn’t do anything about it because he was still stuck in his past. Remembering the  _ reason  _ why he left and moved out of the country. The reason why he took Donghyuck for grants was because of his  _ past.  _

Everything was all because of his past. It’s stupid. Mark thinks. How it was already years over but everything was still because of his past.

**“I know. It’s scary but sometimes you just have to because you need to move forward, Jaemin. Sometimes you need to take a step back before you take a huge leap forward. You need to unlink the past that’s keeping you in the dark. You need to fight the monsters that are stopping you.”** Jaemin stares at Mark’s face watching the latter talk with all seriousness. His words penetrate to him like blades of steel.

Jaemin swallows as the heavy feeling washes over him.  _ Mark is right. _

Everything that was holding Jaemin back was because of his cowardness. He was scared and rather turn a blind eye. How can he move on when he didn’t have the courage to make a step? 

Jaemin tries to stare at ceiling as his decision came into finality. He takes a deep breath before grabs his phone and send his message.

  
  


_ Jaemin was going to fight his demons…at the same time, Mark starts to unlink the chain from his own past. _

_ Two broken souls finally find the courage to take a step forward. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: homophobia
> 
> italicised are always flashbacks.
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> cc: nominluvbug

_ Mark was young… but he was not like the other young kids. He was smarter and much more open-minded. _

_ He liked Nana. _

_ The realization hit him like a truck but it didn’t matter to him. It took a little pushing for Mark to accept who he really was. _

_ He liked boys.  _

_ It was just like a pill that Mark wanted to swallow but it was too huge that it was giving him a hard time. There was no point to deny. He was young and curious but he was well-aware of his feelings. _

**_“Hi. Is Nana home?”_ ** _ Mark asks a well-dressed young kid.  _

_ He stares at Mark for a minute as he clicks his tongue and raises his eyebrows. _

**_“Who are you?”_ ** _ He asks sternly. It was like he was not a young boy. His poise and posture was of like an adult and it made Mark feel inferior. _

**_“U-uhmm…”_ ** _ Mark tries to blurt out any word that he can think of. Feeling intimidated of the presence of the man before him _

**_“Minhyung! Go back and study.”_ ** _ Mark hears his mom calling him.  _

_ He gives a second-look at the kid before him as he takes his steps back to his house. The well-poised young man does not leave his trace as he follows Minhyung with his eyes. _

* * *

_ Mark feels frustrated as he places the pencil back to his case. He hasn’t studied nor done any homework for the past hours. He stares at the photo frame beside his study table. _

_ It was him and his parents. It was their first concert together. Mark liked music and his parents were very supportive. He liked Bruno Mars and wanted to go to his concert. But Mark was a shy kid. Always shy to ask what he wants. HIs parents on the other hand, were very observant of Mark’s needs and wants as they knew how Mark is. _

_ He remembers how he leaped and peppered his parents kisses when he was given a blank envelope filled with tickets for his idol’s concert. HIs parents then showed him another set of tickets showing that they’ll be coming with Mark. _

_ Warmth enveloped Mark as he remembers the sudden events. His parents love him. They really do… right? _

_ Mark takes his courage to go down and face his parents who were sitting down on the table… not looking at each other. Hatred apparent in their eyes but that is not what little Mark sees. _

_ He fidgets as he nears the two figures. He feels his hand getting clammy and his mouth getting dry. _

**_“Mom? Dad?”_ ** _ He takes a deep breath as he sees that both figures’ attention was still not caught. _

**_“If you are going to cheat don’t let me catch you.”_ ** _ His mom hisses at his dad. His dad stares at her back dead in the eyes. _

_ Before anything could get worse. Mark sits in front of the two figures. _

**_“Mom… dad. Can I say something? It’s important.”_ ** _ But the two figures in front of him were already arguing. His small voice getting drowned by the thunderous voices of his parents screaming angrily at each other. _

_ Mark covers his ears as he feels the sudden anxiety creeping into him. He hated it. He hated the shouting. He hated his parents fighting. _

**_“MOM. DAD. I LIKE BOYS.”_ ** _ He says loudly. _

_ The piercing voices slowly come to a halt as the silence fills the void of the house. His parents stare at him like he was of something new… something disgusting _

**_“What did you say, Minhyung?”_ ** _ His mom asks. Her voice emphasizes each and every word that she says. _

_ Mark tries to look at her eyes. Searching for the loving mom who would make him milk when he was making his homework. But she was gone. Gone into the depths of disgust in her eyes. _

**_“I-i like b-boys…”_ ** _ He repeats again. Feeling smaller and smaller as he feels like the stares are eating him. _

**_“SEE! THIS IS YOUR FAULT! IF YOU COULD HAVE PAID MORE ATTENTION TO HIM HE WON’T BE LIKE… THAT.”_ ** _ Mark’s dad points at him with so much disgust that Mark can feel his heart crumple. _

_ His parents started to argue in front of him. It was violent. It was rigid. And Mark slowly loses himself as he feels himself getting emptied out. _

_ It hurt. It hurts so much. _

_ Before Mark knows it… everyone was packing. His clothes were all sealed in a suitcase. They were leaving.  _

_ Mark grabs a cap as the sudden urgency dawns upon him. _

_ He needed to see Nana… even for the last time. _

_ He runs to what he calls home… to Nana. and knocks at the door. The well-poised young man opens the door. _

**_“Is Nana here?”_ ** _ He asks. The urgency was very much apparent. Like he was being chased. _

**_“Who are you again?”_ ** _ The same question was thrown. _

_ Mark can hear the rumbling footsteps of his mother and the screams calling his name. Mark swallows visibly before he spits out with more confidence the words he wanted to say to Nana but instead it was to this young man before him. _

**_“Tell… nana I like him. He made me happy during Christmas and I will be back for him. When I’m old and much stronger. Tell him--”_ ** _ Mark’s words were cut off as he felt the piercing pain on his body as he was getting carried by his dad away from the home. _

  
  


**_“YOU CAN’T LIKE BOYS, MINHYUNG!!”_ ** _ The piercing sound made Mark’s ears hurt. He was getting dragged against his own will and he felt powerless. _

**_“Jaehyun? What’s happening?”_ ** _ Mark hears the faint voice but it was all gone as he was thrown into a car as his dad drove off. _

**_“You won’t like boys anymore. You will be Mark from this day on and you will never ever disappoint me again.”_ ** _ His mom’s voice was like poison to his ears. _

_ And that was the day that made Mark’s life a living hell… having Nana as the single spark of hope as his reason for living. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> cc: nominluvbig


	83. Chapter 83

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italicized are always flashbacks
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> cc: nominluvbug

The air was suffocating. No matter how wide the space was it was too suffocating for Jaemin as he sits stiff and nails pressing hard against his own skin. He feels like his heart is going to jump any moment. He feels something warm on his hand and when he looks at it he sees Mark’s hand on his. Thumb softly caressing his hand. Assuring him that he will be okay.

But will he be really okay?

**“I guess I’ll leave. See you later, Nana and you too Haechan.”** Renjun spares a glance at Haechan before he looks at Jaemin. Giving him an encouraging look.

**“N-no. You stay here. You are my best friend after all.”** Jaemin says. He says like it’s for him but he knows he just can’t stand to comfort or maybe accept Haechan later. He hates it. He hates that even after whatever may happen he still cares. He still thinks about him. 

Renjun takes a seat once again and the silence is back. Everyone waiting for Jaemin to be ready. Jeno was sitting still. He was facing the ground not even sparing a glance at anyone. His head was glued on the floor.

Jaemin clears his throat, taking a final deep breath after. He gathers all the strength and courage that he can.

**“C-can you guys tell me? Tell me when did it all go wrong… because it’s driving me crazy. It’s driving me mad and I don’t want to lose myself more.”** Jaemin fights the urge to not cry but his tears start to fall as soon as he opens his mouth. He has been holding on for too long. Acting like it was okay. Acting like he had let go… but he was deeply-chained.

Jeno lifts his head for the first time. He takes a quick glance at Haechan then gives Jaemin a long stare.

**“It started when Mark was announced team captain.”** He says. Clenching his fist tight as he remembers the day.

**“I don’t know if you remember but Mark is my teammate.”** Jaemin shakes his head as a signal that he does not remember Mark. Well, he was too focused on Jeno. What else would he focus on?

_**(See Chapter 42 for reference)** _

**“He was my partner on the field, Nana.”** He adds. Jaemin suddenly remembers how cheerful Jeno would talk when he talks about his friend on the court. How he helped Jeno.

**“And he betrayed me. He fucking betrayed me.”** Jeno grits his teeth as he remembers the certain day.

**_“Jeno! You need to tell Jaemin that his brother is harassing you!”_ ** _Haechan dabs Jeno’s face with a cotton with medicine._

_It was basketball night._

_It would have been amazing since Jeno was passionate and in love with the sport but it never fucking happened. Every basketball event made Jeno squirm in fear. He dreaded the sport. No, he dreaded what was happening in the court. Every event is hell for him._

**_“No.”_ ** _He firmly says. Haechan just grunts at him. This time pulling him harsher._

**_“Mark can’t do much when you’re getting pushed around Jeno!”_ ** _He tries to knock some senses off Jeno's brain in which this point has already made its decision._

**_“So this is about Mark? About your boyfriend?”_ ** _It seemed that it got through Haechan’s mind as he punched Jeno on the face. Ignoring the other bruises._

**_“You are fucking selfish.”_ ** _He looks at Jeno with disbelief._

**_“Jeno, if I didn’t care about you why would I be here? Why would I tend to you every basketball game when I should have been with Mark? Jeno, listen. You are my best friend so I want you to know that this is stupid. Also, I am Jaemin’s best friend so I want him to know. You can’t just go behind his back like this. You need to talk to him. You need to let him know.”_ ** _Haechan was desperately trying to convince Jeno but all he received was a push from an angry Jeno._

 **_“You don’t know… you just don’t know because Jaehyun is not making your life hell. What will happen to Jaemin if he knows? What if he cuts ties with Jaemin? You know how miserable Jaemin will be! It happened once Haechan! And we were there! You were there when Jaehyun left! You were able to witness how Jaemin reacted! And if I did tell him what if he’ll choose Jaehyun over me? I’d rather get beaten up all day than lose him, Haechan! It’s hard for me. It’s really hard for me too.”_ ** _It seemed like Jeno had enough of being told what to do when he knows that he can’t do anything._

_He was tired. Extremely tired._

_The burning fire in his heart was starting to swell as he felt like he hated himself for being stuck in this situation. He should have done something from the start. He should have been indifferent. But why him? Why was Jaehyun mean to him when he did nothing wrong?_

_Unfair._

_He hated everything._

_Jeno slams the door leaving Haechan thinking of what he said. His phone lights up._

**_Mark:_ **

**_You skipped date time again._ **

**_Haechan:_ **

**_Sorry. Did something important._ **

**_I miss you._ **

**_Mark:_ **

**_You always do. You’re always busy._ **

**_Haechan:_ **

**_I’ll make it up to you okay?_ **

**_Mark:_ **

**_Okay._ **

**_Haechan:_ **

**_I love you._ **

_Haechan sees the typing button. It stays for a long time before it fades into the usual familiar message everytime Haechan says the three words._

**_Seen 9:07 pm_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italicized are always flashbacks
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> cc: nominluvbug


	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW Twitter: luvbugwrites  
> CC: nominluvbug

**_“It’s the first time I’m seeing you this month.”_ ** _ Mark sighs. A warm smile is plastered on his face.  _

_ Everytime Haechan tries to think of it, Mark may seem like he is very pushy and very allergic to skinship but everytime Haechan would stare at his face it is like he is reading a book. _

_ His ears never lie. _

_ Mark was like an open book to Haechan. May it be simple and shy holding hands that would make Mark’s nose scrunch but his ears say otherwise as it rises into a red shade. _

**_“Because I miss you.”_ ** _ Haechan says breathlessly. He stares at Mark’s face too long trying to memorize each and every part of it. The familiar shade of red now apparent on the latter’s ears. _

_ Mark looks away as he mumbles words. _

**_“What did you say?”_ ** _ Not quite catching Mark’s words. Mark looks at him with his forehead creased as he mumbles the same exact words. _

**_“I miss you more.”_ ** _ He immediately looks away after saying the words. A wide grin spreads across Haechan’s face. His heart thumped with truimph. Mark notices the expression as he looks at Haechan with a confused look. _

**_“You’re THAT happy?”_ ** _ He asks. Haechan nods vigorously at his question. _

**_“Yeah… you never really say it. So kinda catched me by surprise.”_ ** _ Mark bites his lips and gathers all the courage to lift his hand and caress Haechan’s cheek. _

**_“I’m sorry…”_ ** _ He apologizes but he earns a smile from Haechan. _

**_“It’s okay. I understand you.”_ ** _ Just like what Haechan really is. He is Mark’s savior. His wonderwall.  _

_ Mark tried his hardest. He really did his best to resist but he can’t help it when his boyfriend is just amazing. Before he knew it his lips crashed on the other’s lips. A soft and endearing kiss trying his best to spell out his feelings for the younger. _

_ When they break this kiss, Haechan presses their forehead together. _

**_“I don’t know if this is a huge step in our relationship but I’d like you to meet my best friend. Not Jeno, you met him on the court. My other best friend. But you don’t really need to if you don’t want to I mean it’s your choice but--”_ **

**_“I’d love to. I’d love to meet your friends.”_ ** _ Mark stops Haechan rambling and presses a soft kiss on his lips. _

**_“I’d like to meet the people who are special to you because I want to make you feel more special.”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW Twitter: luvbugwrites  
> CC: nominluvbug


	85. Chapter 85

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized are always flashbacks.
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curious cat: nominluvbug

**_“Do you think your best friend will like me?”_ ** _ Mark asks for the nth time. Haechan just chuckles at his boyfriend’s cuteness. _

**_“Of course, babe. He will. Don’t worry.”_ ** _ Haechan says. Mark asked for the nth time but Haechan was not tired of assuring his boyfriend that he will be loved by Jaemin. Jaemin is such a sweet and kind person so there’s no way he’ll hate Mark. _

**_“Can you give me tips on how I can charm your best friend into liking me?”_ ** _ MArk nervously asks. _

**_“No. I want to keep you as mine.”_ ** _ Haechan shakes his head while he chuckles. _

**_“No! No. I mean.. I mean how do I win so that I can have you?”_ ** _ This time Haechan laughs at Mark. _

**_“I know. Haha. It’s like you’re asking my parents for my hand in marriage.”_ ** _ Just from the mention Mark’s expression softens and turns warm. _

**_“Marriage…”_ ** _ He repeats. Haechan purses his lips as he prevents himself from smiling. _

_ He loves me… He does, _

**_“Now, tips.”_ ** _ Haechan cuts off.  _

**_“Jaemin is arriving in an hour so I can still discuss.”_ ** _ Haechan adds. Mark furiously nods at him. Eager to listen to his boyfriend.  _

**_“He’s the same age as us.”_ ** _ This time Mark lets out his phone as he types what Haechan says. _

**_“We’ve been together for so long. Since we were in diapers!”_ ** _ Mark repeats the words “together” and “diapers” while he types his notes on his phones. _

**_“He likes coffee. He drinks a couple shots of americano without water. Give him that and he will instantly like you.”_ ** _ Mark stands up from his seat leaving a confused Haechan. _

**_“Where are you going?”_ ** _ He asks. _

**_“Buying coffee. I gotta win brownie points.”_ ** _ Haechan shakes his head and points at Mark’s seat again. _

**_“Sit down, you panic freak. We still have a lot of time.”_ ** _ Mark tries to think for a moment. After, he takes a sit beside his boyfriend. _

**_“You told me a lot of things but you never told me his name.”_ ** _ Mark seems to think. Haechan scratches his head and lets out a “oh yeah.” _

**_“His name is Jaemin. Na Jaemin.”_ ** _ And just with the mention of the name, Mark pauses. _

**_“His nickname is Nana.”_ ** _ they both said in unison. Haechan looks at him with shock. _

**_“Oh? You know him?”_ ** _ Haechan asks. _

**_“What’s his brother’s name?”_ ** _ Mark ignores Haechan’s question. _

**_“Jaehyun. It’s your team captain, doofus.”_ ** _ He rolls his eyes.Mark on the other hand, was in a whirlwind of emotions. _

_ It’s Nana… The one and only Nana. _

_ Was he ready to see him? Is Mark ready? _

_ Definitely not. _

_ So he gets up from his seat ignoring the confused look on his boyfriend’s face, _

  
**_“I’m sorry. I think I’m not ready to meet your friend yet.”_ ** _ He says as he leaves. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italicized are always flashbacks.
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curious cat: nominluvbug


	86. Author’s Note

Hi!

I’m currently writing the last chapters. I will be posting them when I’m done with everything. Thank you for reading my first ever au. Do you guys prefer me posting everything until the end or do you want me to post the chapters solo solo?

a.) If I post everything to end it means you guys have to wait for a little more time since I have to write until the finish or the last chapter.

b.) For chapter by chapter option, I’ll be able to post some updates tomorrow already. Everyday updates may happen along with my new story Red Wine Wishes.

Let me know in the comments! :)

Anyways, happy reading! Thank you for the support🖤

my twitter is luvbugwrites.

Love, luvbug


	87. Chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italicized are flashbacks.
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curious cat: nominluvbug

_ After what happened, Haechan has never seen Mark again. It was definitely weird. Which is why Haechan finds himself in the gym waiting for Mark to come out. _

**_“Jen!”_ ** _ Haechan calls out Jeno who seemed like he was fresh from the shower. Jeno rolls his eyes and walks to the opposite side. _

**_“Hey! Don’t be mad at me! That was weeks ago. Stop sulking, I made cookies.”_ ** _ And with the word cookies, Jeno makes a u-turn and walks to where Haechan is. Haechan just smirks at him. _

**_“Sucker.”_ ** _ He teases his best friend. Jeno just rolls his eyes and lays his hands out for Haechan’s cookies. _

**_“Wait! I’m not giving you unless you tell me where Mark is.”_ ** _ Haechan smiles sweetly at Jeno. _

**_“I thought they were peace offerings?”_ ** _ Now this time, it was Jeno’s time to be smug. He reaches out for the cookies only for Haechan to hide it harder. _

**_“No Mark information, No cookies.”_ ** _ Jeno just shakes his head and sighs. _

**_“He’s showering.”_ ** _ With that Jeno was able to grab the cookies off Hyuck’s hands. Haechan watches while his best friend happily munches the cookie. He even took out his phone to take a picture and send it to Jaemin. There was a different glow with Jeno.  _

**_“You seem… happy.”_ ** _ Haechan says. Jeno holds in his smile to show him his phone. _

**_“Yeah…”_ ** _ Jeno admits. _

**_“Care to tell me?”_ ** _ Jeno tries to think for a moment before he looks at his surroundings. _

**_“Nana’s brother decided to let me off… if I become captain.”_ ** _ He finally tells. _

_ Haechan looked at him wide-eyed. _

**_“Wow. I’m so happy for you Jen! That’s next week right? I know you’ll ace it.”_ ** _ With that he opens his bag again to reveal more cookies. _

**_“Here grab more.”_ ** _ Jeno happily did. But this time he didn’t eat it.  _

**_“Bringing it home for my boyfriend.”_ ** _ Jeno chuckles.  _

_ Happy… they seemed so happy. When will Haechan ever feel like that? Jaemin had everything. Great parents, wealth, a brother who loves him dearly, and a great relationship. Damn, he even has a boyfriend that is willing to take hurt just to have him. Haechan can’t help to feel jealous. _

_ Someday… maybe someday. _

_ Just as he was thinking deep. The person he wanted to see most was walking out the gym. _

**_“Mark!”_ ** _ He called out but the older just kept walking. _

_ Haechan chases after him. Wanting to know whatever he did wrong. _

**_“Mark!”_ ** _ He calls again. Seeing that he was just a few feet apart. Haechan didn’t want to give up. _

**_“MARK! If you walk one more step…”_ ** _ Haechan bites his lips. Anxious from what he was about to say. _

**_“... we’re breaking up.”_ ** _ Haechan adds. Like a punch in the air. _

_ Did it work? _

_ Definitely. As Mark was statued in front of him. His back facing Haechan _

**_“D-do you not want me anymore?”_ ** _ Haechan asks.\ _

_ A long pause. He takes Haechan in shock when he pulls him into a tight embrace. _

**_“I do… I just have a lot in mind. Please wait for me.”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italicized are flashbacks.
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curious cat: nominluvbug


	88. Chapter 88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

**_“Did you tell your boyfriend?”_ ** _ Jeno asks. Haechan just nods at him. Staring at Jeno who was wearing his jersey. Palms and sweaty from the anxiety. The d-day came for Jeno. And no words, can ever explain how or what he is feeling. Scared? Excited? He does not know. _

**_“You don’t have to worry, Jen. You got this.”_ ** _ Comforts him. _

_ Probably with the help of Mark he will be able to do it right? _

**_“Babe!”_ ** _ Jaemin calls out not far away. _

**_“Good luck! I’ll be watching in the crowd. Okay? You got this, baby.”_ ** _ Jaemin calls out Jeno.  _

_ Jeno takes a deep breath to comfort his nerves. Jaemin grabs his hand to warm them. Suddenly everything felt okay…for a temporary time. _

**_“Nana…”_ ** _ Jaemin just looks at Jeno with endearing eyes. _

**_“I love you okay?”_ ** _ Jeno seals his words with a kiss on the lips. _

**_“I love you too.”_ **

_ Who would have thought that that was the last time they’d ever say I love you dearly?  _

* * *

  
  


**_“Jeno! I told you that I told him!”_ ** _ Haechan shouts at Jeno who was too distraught with anger. The once full gym was now empty.  _

**_“Then why the fuck did he do that?! He fucking knew how much I needed this! Why did he have to fuck me up so bad?!”_ ** _ Haechan tries to grips Jeno’s arm but he was too strong. _

_ It’s been days. Yes. Days from the game…. _

_ And Jeno didn’t make it. Instead it was Mark who made it. Despite telling him Jeno’s intentions. _

**_“I-i don’t know, Jen. I don’t know.”_ ** _ Haechan, on the other hand, does not understand his boyfriend’s intentions. _

**_“I don’t understand! I don’t fucking understand, Hyuck! He fucking paid the coach! You saw it! We saw it together!”_ ** _ Haechan stays silent at Jeno’s outburst. _

_ Yes. Mark made it….by cheating his way out. By paying the coach. At first, Haechan couldn’t believe his eyes. Mark could never.  _

_ At this point, Haechan is still in-denial. Not believing what he saw. Mark had intentions right? But then what? What does he need? Everything was a mystery to Haechan.  _

_ Mark didn’t do it right? He would never. _

**_“I don’t understand too…”_ ** _ Jeno breaks down sobbing on the floor. _

**_“Now, what am I gonna do?”_ ** _ With his best friend, aching and crying on the floor, it was tearing him apart.  _

_ Selfish. Can he be selfish for once? Can he choose his own happiness instead? Can he choose Mark? _

**_“I’ll just talk to him, Hyuck. Just let me have this. I just--”_ ** _ Haechan bites his lower lip and looks away. _

**_“Okay… but I will come too.”_ ** _ Haechan then dials Mark’s number on his phone. The name blaring at the screen like lasers shooting into his eyes. _

_ Can he choose both his best friends and his boyfriend altogether? Because he is willing to risk it all for them. _

* * *

  
  


**_“He said he’s at the varsity’s locker room and that I should wait for him.”_ ** _ Haechan passes the message to Jeno. But Jeno shakes his head. Not having the patience to wait. _

**_“No. I have a key. We’re not waiting.”_ ** _ Haechan would want to argue if this was any normal day of them bickering but Jeno was dead serious and Haechan can see how much Jeno was running out of patience.  _

_ Haechan just sighs as he follows Jeno’s tracks with his head hanging low. _

_ The trip to the locker room was not that far. The squeaking noises coming from their shoes are all that can be heard from the door. Haechan just follows Jeno silently as he opens the door with his own varsity keys. _

**_“Anyways, you did a good job.”_ ** _ Jeno pauses as he hears the voice from the inside. He freezes. Haechan seems to have heard the voice too as he stares at Jeno with worry. _

**_“Thanks...hyung.”_ ** _ This time, it was Haechan’s time to freeze at the recognition of his boyfriend’s voice. _

_ What was Mark doing with Jaehyun? Was he also bullying Mark like Jeno? _

**_“Just text me how it went okay? Jaemin will probably be excited to see you anyways.”_ ** _ They both hear Jaehyun say. _

**_“Uhm… hopefully.”_ ** _ Mark’s voice was now a little lower. Haechan hears Jaehyun chuckle. And Haechan hated it. He hated the way Jaehyun was chuckling. _

**_“You're cute, Mark.”_ ** _ Haechan hears some ruffling and shoes squeaking. _

**_“I mean… hmm I don’t know. If I was in your place I’d be shy too.”_ ** _ He adds. Mark was silent all the time. _

**_“Of course you’re talking to your first love.”_ **

_ First love? Jaemin? Mark’s first love?  _

_ Everything was spinning around Haechan right now. His own best friend?  _

**_“I hope you can rekindle whatever was happening to you guys. Haha. Anyways, gotta go.”_ ** _ Jeno grabs Haechan out of the scene almost immediately. _

_ His breathing gets unstable at the realization. Did Mark use him for Jaemin? That was why MArk was acting weird at the mention of Jaemin’s name. _

_ And what? Mark and Jaemin? Rekindle what? Did they date before? How come Jaemin never mentioned?  _

_ Jaemin…. Jaemin again? Didn’t Jaemin have a perfect life? Smart, talented, a great boyfriend, a complete family, EVERYTHING! _

**_“Jeno…”_ ** _ Jeno was silent all the time staring at the sky. _

**_Message from Mark Lee:_ **

**_Where are you? I’ll wait for you._ **

_ Who would he choose? His best friend or his boyfriend? _

_ Because fuck that. _

_ Why would he battle over that when no one will ever choose him. _

_ Who will choose him?  _

_ Who will choose him in the end? _

  
  


* * *

**_From Jaehyun:_ **

**_Jaemin, meeting someone else behind your back :)_ **

**_*attached photo*_ **

**_His parents are our mom’s old business partners._ **

**_Don’t you think it’s time to let him go for his future?_ **

_ Jeno tightens his jaw as he sees the different string of messages from Jaehyun. He clicks the photo open to reveal a photo of Jaemin and the one and only Mark. Happily chatting. _

_ Jaemin had reason out that he is meeting someone to tutor.  _

_ Why would Mark Lee ask tutoring services when he is a straight A student?  _

_ Because he is a lying mother fucker. _

**_“Hey.”_ ** _ Jeno calls out Mark who was fixing his bag. Only the two of them in the room. _

_ Mark ignores Jeno. Seemingly guilty as he avoids Jeno’s stares. _

**_“Stop seeing Jaemin.”_ ** _ Jeno says without further ado. This time Mark looks at him. _

**_“No.”_ ** _ He says firmly. He quickly leaves the room. Sparing no glance at the fuming Jeno.  _

_ Funny how Jeno thought he was the hope that could help him. That he was a friend. A partner in the field. But no, he was nothing more than that. He was like poison disguised as a remedy. He was an enemy. An enemy Jeno never expected. _

_ Because Mark was risking it all to destroy what Jeno has. _

_ Would it be fair for Jeno to destroy what Mark has? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


	89. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw// mentions of homophobia
> 
> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

Jaemin visibly swallows at the confession. Not having the energy to fight off his tears he just let them be. Feeling the small drops of heat continuously falling. The room was silent. Packed with the tension. And Jaemin wishes he was gone.

**“M-mark?”** He takes a look at Mark who flinches at the sound of his name. He clears his throat knowing it was his turn. His turn to finally tell everyone why he was doing stupid shit before.

**“I-i was never in love with Jaemin… before.”** He says. He looks at Haechan with sincerity and Jeno with a sorry look.

**“All this time… I was chasing Haechan. Jaemin found out recently. I was looking for him.”** He fumbles and finds his wallet at his back-pocket to reveal Haechan’s childhood photo… the one Jaemin had confronted him with.

**“I admit. My ways were super stupid. Yes.”** He lowers his head at the reminder of what he was doing in the past.

**“But… I swear. I loved Haechan. Every moment and every time.”** Jaemin sees Mark’s hand slowly forming into a fist. Fighting the tears. 

**“If you loved him why did you keep seeing Jaemin? Mark, you can’t claim you love him and go act like a stupid person who’s inlove with a person in his childhood.”** This time Renjun butts in. Wanting everyone to be cleared of what was really happening before. No excuses. Just pure confessing.

But Mark looks at Jaemin and Jeno with a guilty look. A look that shows his regret.

**“I never wanted to see Jaemin. Honestly.”** He confesses.

Everyone silent and waiting for his next words.

**“Jaemin is an amazing person… I realized that when I was with him. But… I was in love with Haechan.”** He looks down after saying those words.

**“That I was willing to do anything just to be with him…”** He mutters.Renjun was about to spout some words when Jaemin stops him. He silences everyone. He wants to hear all sides.

**“Jaehyun… He found out that I was the kid running back looking for a certain Nana at his house. That day, we moved out of the country and I wanted to see Haechan--- which was mistaken as Nana.”** Mark recalls that day again. A bitter taste stuck on his mouth.

**“The reason I was moving out was because my parents were homophobic. They said Nana turned me gay. And that I was a disappointment. That is why I had to change my name… because they feel so embarrassed of me. I’m Minhyung, Haechan.”** Haechan looks at Mark with wide eyes. Gripping Renjun’s hand tighter at the revelation. Longing apparent in Mark’s eyes but immediately gone when he looks at the crying slim person in front of him… Jaemin.

**“When Jaehyun found out of this, he- he blackmailed me. Saying that he is going to tell my parents that I am seeing Haechan and knowing what happened before… I don’t even care if they hate me b-but not seeing Haechan? It was like choosing death for me.”** Jaemin purses his lips at the confession. He bites his lips so hard that he can feel the sudden metal taste on his tongue.

**“I-I’m really sorry Jaemin…. I was selfish. I was selfish enough to hurt you. Jeno, I’m really really sorry.”** Jaemin looks away. His body uncontrollably shakes as sobs come out of his mouth.

Jeno… Haechan.... Mark… and worst, Jaehyun.

What did Jaemin do to get this? What did Jaemin do to be treated like this? Jaemin can hear his heart breaking at the thought of everything.

With no words, Jaemin wipes his tears away. Leaving the stunned men in the room.

Because this time, he wishes everything was a dream. He wishes that everything was a lie.

Call Jaemin stupid but…

_ He wishes Jaehyun will not hurt him. _

_ He won’t right?  _

_ He loves me. _

_ But--- _

Jaemin tries to convince himself. Losing everyone… and he still hopes for his brother. He still hopes his brother will not fuck him up.

**“Only one thing to know.”** Jaemin says as he looks at the familiar door frame of his brother’s house.

**“P-please…”** He desperately mutters. Knowing everything… Knowing everyone will fuck him up again.

_ But he still wishes. _

_ He still hopes. _

_ Because he loves his brother. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


	90. Chapter 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug

Messy.

Jaemin looked messy as he knocked at his brother’s door with shaking hands. The cold wood struck him like a million volts. His tear-stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes was all that his brother had seen as he rushed to comfort his brother.

**“Nana? What happened?! Who did this to you?”** He asked. Completely concerned and panicking.

But Jaemin lost it.As he sobs himself to the ground. Feelings crashing to him like huge waves.

**“Y-you… you didn’t do it right? You didn’t do it, hyung.”** He asks again and again.Jaehyun pauses as realization has dawned upon him.

Jaemin repeats the same four words again and again. Asking. No. It was more like convincing himself.

Not wanting to be damaged more.

Not wanting to be broken by the people he was willing to die for.

Not his brother…

Please not him.

**“I-i’m sorry…”** Was all Jaehyun can mutter as he positions himself on the ground.

Both knees appealing Jaemin.

**“No. No. No. No.You didn’t right? You didn’t.”** Jaemin grabs Jaehyun’s shoulders. Jaehyun sees how a mess his brother is. How he...made this mess.

**“I-I’m really really sorry, Jaemin.”** was all he can say. But Jaemin was losing himself. Completely trapped in a state of mind of wanting to believe his brother didn’t do it. That his brother would  _ never betray him. _

Jaehyun repeats his apologies like it’s a mantra. Like he was made to apologize to Jaemin. And that made Jaemin’s mind spin. Making him sobbing as he throws anything he could have his hands on.

Jaehyun, not knowing what to do, just stays there. Kneeling. Apologizing. Completely guilty of what he has done.

**“Please...please tell me why... Was I evil?”** He asks. Voice hoarse and soft from all the crying. Like he had poured his all. That he was empty.

**“You were… you were nothing but good, Jaemin.”** He tells the truth. Looking at the Jaemin who was now sitting on the floor. A huge mess as books, and broken glass all over him.

**“T-then why? Then tell me what did I do to deserve this?”** Jaemin begs. Jaemin begs the people he loved. The people who had turned their backs on him. But all he gets is endless apologies as he hears Jaehyun repeating the same apologies again and again.

**“I’m tired of hearing the same apologies”** Jaemin angrily wipes his tears away as he stands up. Not bothering to dust himself up. 

**“Never call me your brother again. You’re dead to me now.”** Jaemin then grabs a familiar photo frame.

Grandma’s favorite.

The one where Jaehyun was celebrating Christmas at the stairs because Jaemin was sick.

But now,it was on the floor. As Jaemin, throws it into pieces. Looking empty at his kneeling brother.

_ And he was gone.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: luvbugwrites  
> curiouscat: nominluvbug


End file.
